


I've done some things that I shouldn't have done (but I haven't stopped loving you once)

by musette22



Category: Actor RPF, Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Cameos, Clubbing, Coming Out, Dirty Talk, Evanstan - Freeform, Eventual Smut, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mackie is a good bro, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Rimming, Scarlett is a Good Bro, Sharing a Bed, Slow Build, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 21:53:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 59,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16437503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musette22/pseuds/musette22
Summary: After the release of Infinity War, Chris and Sebastian each take some time off to recharge. Chris is staying in Scarlett’s lake cabin on his own and invites Sebastian up to come and spend some time with him. Due to busy work schedules and a number of other, more personal reasons, Chris and Seb haven't been as close lately, something which neither of them are very happy about. This mini-vacation presents a chance for them to revive their friendship and maybe (definitely) explore if there might be something more. Over the course of a week, and with a little help from meddling friends and co-stars, the boys learn to build bridges, to be vulnerable and take chances, and to stop letting fear rule their lives.





	1. Sunday

**Author's Note:**

> Although I would love for all this to be reality, it really isn’t (duh). I do not claim to know any of the people depicted here personally, and I mean no disrespect. In fact, I respect everyone that features in this story a whole lot, which is why I felt inspired to write about them. But everything that happens in this story, everything they do and say, is only what I have imagined for them. Sure, a lot of it is based real-life elements, but apart from the basics, it’s all fantasy. So please read, (hopefully) enjoy, and comment if you’re into RPF, but if it makes you uncomfortable then this fic is probably not for you. 
> 
> It starts off a little slow because there’s a lot of necessary background, but I promise things will speed (and heat) up eventually. Title is from Arctic Monkeys’ “The Ultracheese”. Happy reading!
> 
> p.s. comments make me do a Sebby-nose scrunch <3

God, it’s _hot_.

Well, it probably isn't even that bad, but seeing as Sebastian has spent the past couple of weeks cooped up in studios and makeup trailers, he hasn’t had time to get used to the scorching summer sun yet. As far as he can remember, he spent his last day off under a blanket in his New York apartment while the rain beat on his floor-to-ceiling windows.

It sure isn’t raining now.

A few days ago, Don Saladino, Sebastian’s personal trainer, invited him up to his family house out of town to come and spend some time with him and his gym buddies. Sebastian hasn't really seen any of them in ages because of his crazy busy work schedule, so since he happened to find himself with some time off, he’d gratefully accepted the invite.

He pulls his flat cap down further over his eyes and makes his way to the poolside, hoping that dangling his feet in the water for a while will help him cool off. He’s just settled on the edge of the pool when a little boy – _Jeremiah’s kid_ , he thinks – shuffles up to him.

“Hi”, the boy greets him shyly.

“Hi”, Sebastian smiles, leaning back on his arms.

“Are you really Bucky?”, the boy asks, eyes shining. “Dad says you’re Bucky.”

Sebastian, not about to argue semantics with an eight-year-old when it’s 90 degrees out here, smiles conspiratorially. “I’m really Bucky”, he replies, inclining his head a little as if he’s letting him in on a secret.

The kid beams at him. “Cool!”

He gives him a grin in return. “What’s your name?”

“Um, Teddy?” It comes out a little unsure.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Teddy”, Seb says, taking the kid’s hand in his and shaking it lightly. “You like superheroes, huh?”

Teddy nods enthusiastically. “Captain America is my favorite”, he says eagerly. Immediately, his eyes grow wide, clearly afraid that he’s offended Sebastian. “But Bucky’s arm is really cool”, he blurts out.

Sebastian chuckles. “Don’t worry, kid, Cap is my favorite, too.”

An idea occurs to him suddenly.

“Actually”, he says, “I haven’t spoken to him in a little while. I could shoot him a quick message now to see how he’s doing, if you like?”

Teddy mouth falls open and he nods vigorously, practically vibrating with excitement, avid eyes watching Sebastian get out his phone to send Chris a quick text.

It’s true; he hasn’t seen or even spoken to Chris in far too long _. It would have been even longer had been up to Chris_ , Seb thinks wryly. For some reason, Chris’s texts had come less and less frequently after filming on Infinity War ended. A little unexpected, to say the least, seeing as the end of filming had never stopped them from seeking each other out in the past. Usually, it just meant that they hung out a little less but would make up for it in texts and phone calls. But this time, it was as if Chris purposely distanced himself from the Marvel bunch – Sebastian included. He’d presumed at the time that Chris just wanted to concentrate fully on the rehearsals for his first Broadway play, Lobby Hero.

Sebastian vividly remembers one evening in March, when he’d been worrying that things had changed irrevocably between them, and so he’d rung his manager Emily, asking her to get him into the Lobby Hero opening night. He didn’t tell Chris he was going, only shooting him a quick text after curtain call to tell him that he was there. He’d waited nervously in the theater lobby, ironically feeling nothing at all like a hero, nursing a beer and keeping an eye on the door through which the actors were appearing one by one.

And then suddenly, there he was. Freshly showered, sporting that ridiculous haircut and god-awful mustache. His eyes scanned the room, stopping once they’d found Sebastian’s. For a moment, they just looked at each other, before Seb had broken out into a wide grin and made his way over. They’d shared a hug, Chris clapping him enthusiastically on the back as usual, one hand lingering on Seb’s shoulder as he pulled back. He was always so tactile.

Before they’d even had a chance to exchange pleasantries, they’d been approached by a photographer smelling a scoop and posed for a couple of pictures, together and with a few other people. The photographer finally retreated after what seemed an eternity, and Chris had looked back at Sebastian, given him a lopsided smile and said, “You look good, Seb. The haircut suits you.”

“Yours doesn’t”, Sebastian had replied teasingly, softening the jab by adding, “But your acting more than makes up for it. You were amazing out there, man.” It was a massive understatement, giving the way Sebastian had been completely captivated by Chris’s performance. He’d had been unrecognizable, deeply unlikable, and yet, Sebastian had wanted nothing more than to get closer.

It had been so good to see Chris again that night – they’d even gotten dinner together with some of the cast and crew, and Seb had gone home feeling a little lighter, convinced that after this evening he and Chris would go back to their old routine of texts and phone calls, and saying too much and yet not nearly enough.        

But he couldn’t have been more wrong. Lobby Hero’s run turned out to be longer than he’d expected, which meant that Chris didn’t take part in the Infinity War press tour at all.

Seb hadn’t been the only one surprised by that particular turn of events – Captain America was still one of the major characters in the Marvel universe after all, if only for a little while longer. Hell, even those with only a few minutes screen time like Sebastian himself were flown all over the world to promote the latest instalment of what was possibly the biggest movie franchise in living memory.

However, Sebastian suspected he _was_ the only one who’d felt a little hurt by Chris’s absence on a personal level. Seb, Chris and Mackie had been the dream team during the press tours for the last couple of MCU films they’d done together, laughing and joking and generally making the whole thing seem a lot less like work and more like something Sebastian actually looked forward to. Seb had relished getting to spend so much time with Chris, sitting next to him during interviews, sharing cabs, even braving hair and make-up together.

And then suddenly, there had been a big, Chris-shaped hole in his life.

More out of necessity than choice, Seb had grown closer to the Black Panther crew. They were a lot of fun to be around and eased some of the disappointment Seb felt so keenly from Chris’s absence, but if he were being honest, even that frankly brilliant bunch of people was a poor substitute for Chris’s boisterous laughter and warm, blue eyes.

And the main reason for that, Sebastian was man enough to admit to himself, was because he’d been head-over-heels in love with Chris for far, _far_ longer than he should’ve been. Still is. Frankly, he shouldn’t be in love with Chris at all, but his stupid feelings have never cared much about shoulds or shouldn’ts.   

Now, sitting by the pool in Don’s back garden, he’s is still as hung up on Chris as ever, even though the last time he’d heard from him had been almost two months ago now. He’d swallowed his disappointment as best he could, but today, given this excuse to contact Chris, Seb can’t help but jump at the chance.

He types out a quick message, takes a deep breath and hits send. The nerves kick in straight away, swirling through his stomach unpleasantly, but it thankfully only takes a few minutes for his phone to alert him that he has a new message. He feels his heart rate speed up instantly, and he quickly he calls Teddy closer so that they can open the message together.

It’s a video.

Sebastian rotates the screen and holds it up so Teddy can watch, too. As soon as Chris’s face fills the screen, Seb feels his stomach flop, and he holds his breath without realizing it. Gone is the mustache, replaced by that trademark beard, his hair back to its usual style. Chris looks gorgeous.

“Hi there, Teddy”, Chris says, using his Steve Rogers voice. “So, I hear you’re a big Captain America fan.”

The message is a few minutes long, Chris talking about some imaginary mission that he’s just been on, and ending it by asking Teddy to promise to stay in school and eat his veggies. Seb chuckles as the screen goes dark, smiling at a starry-eyed Teddy, who clearly thinks that was the best thing ever. Seb secretly agrees.

A few minutes later, when he’s wandering over to the BBQ to check how long before burger time, his phone vibrates in the pocket of his shorts. It’s an incoming call – Chris’s name flashes across the screen. _Holy fuck_.

Sebastian steels himself, presses answer, and brings the phone to his ear.

“Hey.” It comes out breathier than he intended.

“Hey! How are ya, Seb?”, comes Chris’s happy baritone down the line.

“I’m good, I’m good”, he smiles, hand clutching the back of his neck, trying his best to sound casual. “Thanks for sending that video, man, you made Teddy’s day.” _And mine_ , he adds in his head.

“No problem dude, you know I love kids”, Chris says. He sounds like he’s smiling.

Sebastian does know. He’s got a video saved on his phone, the interview where Chris admitted that ‘Chris _does_ want to be a daddy’. The fact that he’s watched that video more times than he can count is something which he will never admit to anyone, not even under torture.

Well, maybe under torture he would, but definitely not if someone just straight up asked him about it.

There’s a beat of silence, before Chris says, “So, you’re at Don’s house, huh? Does he still have that big place with the orchard?”

“He sure does. We’re having a little Gym Mafia reunion, the whole crew together again.”

“Sounds scary,” Chris chuckles. “And then back to work again tomorrow?”, he asks, not an unreasonable assumption seeing as today’s Sunday – even though film schedules don’t often stick to working week hours.

“Nah, I’ve got the week off actually, until after my birthday next Monday”, Sebastian admits. He runs a hand through his hair. It’s getting longer again. “Been going non-stop for a few months now, and Emily thought I could use some downtime. I am turning thirty-six after all, don’t have the same energy I did when I was young,” he teases.

“Hey, watch it punk, you’re talking to an actual senior citizen here and I’ve got plenty of energy”, Chris jokes, even though he’s only a year older than Sebastian.

“Never slow down, huh?”

“ _Never_ ”, Chris declares solemnly, before adding, “Although, actually –”

“What?” Sebastian prompts, when Chris doesn’t go on immediately.

“Well, I’m taking a little time off as well, as it happens. I basically went straight from Lobby Hero to directing on this other project, but now that’s finished too, and it was…” He pauses. “Well, it was pretty intense. And I just kinda needed to recharge. You know?"

Sebastian hums sympathetically and waits for Chris to continue.

“So yeah, anyway. I’m in Scarlett’s cabin now. You know, the one where we had that party once, the one on the lake? Got here last Friday, I’m thinking I’ll stay for another week or so.”

Sebastian’s glad to hear it. He worries about Chris a lot so it’s good to know he’s taken some time off and is looking after himself.

“That’s great Chris, you deserve a break”, he says warmly. “You work too hard.”

“Hmm, I don’t know about that”, Chris deflects, as usual. “But it’s nice to spend some time outside the city. I’ve got Dodger with me… s’all good.”

Sebastian smiles to himself. “Dodger’s there too, is he? How’s the old hairball doing?”

Chris chuckles. “Hyper, as always.”

“Sounds about right”, Sebastian says, fondly remembering Chris’s rescue dog who’s usually even more energetic than his owner.

There’s another pause then. He can hear Chris breathing softly down the line before, suddenly, he says, “So actually, we’re not too far away from each other right now, are we?”

Sebastian hums. He’d been trying very hard not to think about that. “I suppose not. It’s… what, forty-five minutes?”

“Somethin’ like that.”

Before he’s properly thought it through, Sebastian starts, “I could…”

“Yes?”, Chris prompts.

“I don’t know”, he puffs. “I was just thinking that maybe I could drop by tomorrow? If you’re not busy.” He holds his breath waiting for the response.

“I’d like that”, Chris says softly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. In fact, you’re welcome to stay longer. I mean, you’ve probably got plans for your time off, but if you did, want to? Stay longer, I mean. You could. I – ” Chris abruptly stops talking.

“I don’t”, Sebastian says quickly.

“You don’t?”

“I don’t have plans”, he clarifies. “I was just thinking I’d stay with Don and his family for a few days and then head back to the city, but…”, he trails off, a little uncertainly.

“…but you could come and keep me company instead?”, Chris finishes for him. “Dodger’s missed you, you know.”

“Oh, bringin’ out the big guns, are we?”, Sebastian teases.

“Whatever it takes.”

Sebastian’s heart thuds heavily at that. He reminds himself that Chris did not mean for that to sound as earnest as it did. It’s just the way he is.

“I mean, if you’re both sure…” _Please be sure, please be sure_.

“We are. I am.”

Sebastian ducks his head with a smile. “Okay, yeah. I’ll be there tomorrow then. I’ll text you when I leave?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Great. See you tomorrow, Chris”

“Tomorrow.”

“Bye, Chris.”

“Bye, Seb.”

Sebastian ends the call and just stands there for a good minute, staring at his phone and trying to get the goofy grin on his face under control. He lets out a breathless laugh and shakes his head briefly to try and clear it. When he turns around, he spots Don standing a few feet away, watching him with his head tilted slightly to the side.

“Who you talkin’ to there, Seb?”, Don asks curiously.

“Oh, uh. Just. Making a phone call,” he evades.

“I can see that. To whom?”

“Oh just – Chris, you know.”

“Chris? Evans?”

“Yeah?”, Seb says, voice rising slightly.

“Huh.”

“What?”, Sebastian huffs.

Don pushes out his lower lip, shrugging. “Nothing”.

Sebastian feels caught out for some reason. “Oh-kayyyy…”, he says. “Well listen, Chris is staying in Scarlett’s lake cabin for a while, so I’m gonna go over there tomorrow. To, ya know, visit.”

“Cool, cool”, Don says, nodding his head like one of those toy dogs in the back of a car. “Is Scarlett gonna be there, too?”

“Um, no. I don’t think so.”

“Right, okay, so… just two bros chillin’ in a cabin?”

“I guess”, Seb chuckles, a little nervously. Damn it. _Get it together, Sebastian._

“Are you still going to be staying the night here?”

“Tonight, yeah.”

Don raises both his eyebrows. “And tomorrow?”

“Um. No, I think I’m going to be staying there for a little while. We’ve both got some time off and I was just thinking it’d be nice to spend some time relaxing in the country, you know?” He shrugs, trying to sound nonchalant about it.

“Sure buddy. Sounds great.” Don gives him another hard to interpret look, but then he suddenly smiles and claps his hands together. “Okay, burgers are ready. Be quick or Tone will have eaten them all by the time we get there.”

\---

A few hours later sees Sebastian roasting marshmallows over the fire, trading embarrassing holiday stories with his Gym Mafia brothers. Truth be told, his mind is on other things, already skipping ahead to tomorrow.

He checks his watch again. Less than 15 hours now.

His stomach churns in a not entirely unpleasant way every time he thinks about the day ahead, and it’s only another half hour or so before decides to call it a night and excuses himself. The guys protest and Don teases him about needing to get his beauty sleep, but seeing as half of them have got exhausted kids sleeping on their laps already, Sebastian suspects that the party will have to break up soon anyway.

Once he’s settled into the shockingly comfy guest bed, he grabs his phone to set his alarm. He pushes the button on the side, but the screen stays dark. Huh. He could’ve sworn he had like forty percent battery left. He gets out his charger and plugs it in, but the screen refuses to come on.

He groans, muttering, “Not this shit again”, before setting his phone on his bedside table and settling back under the covers with a resigned sigh. Fucking phones. Technology and he have never really gotten along. As he closes his eyes, he hopes he won’t oversleep. 


	2. Monday

As it turns out, there’s no chance of him oversleeping. Despite not having set an alarm, Seb wakes up early. He’s still rubbing the sleep from his eyes with his knuckles when his stomach suddenly gives a nervous lurch as he remembers the day ahead. He brings his hands to his belly abruptly, trying to quell the flurry of butterflies, and it’s only when he feels he’s got them somewhat under control that he reaches over to grab his phone from the bedside table.

Still nothing. _Great_. Guess he’ll have to find a repair shop sometime over the next few days.

Mostly, he’s annoyed that he won’t be able to text Chris like he promised, but he’ll just have to hope Chris is home when he gets there. He showers and dresses quickly, cursing himself for not bringing any of his good clothes, before heading downstairs. Don and Mel are already in the kitchen, having some sort of ultra-healthy hangover breakfast with too much protein and not nearly enough grease for Sebastian’s taste.

“Someone’s up early”, greets Don, sounding far too cheerful for this time in the morning.

Seb grimaces. “Yeah, didn’t sleep very well, thought I’d get an early start.”

Mel hums sympathetically, but Don just smirks at him and says, “Well, well. Never thought we’d see the day. Coffee?”

Sebastian accepts gratefully and has a quick breakfast consisting of some sort of Scandinavian yogurt with dried fruit and muesli – honestly, what is wrong with some good, honest eggs and bacon? He feels Don’s curious eyes on him from time to time, but chooses to ignore him in favor of chatting to Mel about an upcoming fitness project of hers in an attempt to settle his rising nerves.

Finally, when he’s said his goodbyes and gets in his car half an hour later, he flips down the visor to check his hair again. Of course, it’s chosen today of all days to sport an untameable cowlick on his left side, but after a fruitless few minutes of trying to smooth it down into some semblance of a hairdo he gives up and starts the car. As he turns on the radio to a pop station, he hopes idly that the music will drown out his increasingly loud thoughts for the next forty-five minutes.

It doesn’t work, but somehow that doesn’t surprise him.

However hard he tries to think about something, _anything_ else, he keeps coming back to what he’ll say to Chris when he sees him, his mind going over and over the past few months to analyze what had happened to make them drift apart and what could have changed now for Chris to invite him back into his life again so suddenly.

Sebastian and Chris first met in 2010, when they were both cast in The First Avenger. Seb, at that point, was still relatively unknown, but Chris had done some big movies – though not particularly good ones, it has to be said, but Sebastian is hardly one to talk – and had already cemented his status as a Hollywood heartthrob.

So yeah, Sebastian was aware of Chris. And of his looks.

Although Sebastian had, up until that point, only ever fallen in love with and dated women (let’s be fair, he freakin’ _loved_ women), he had figured out a few years before that he was sometimes also attracted to men. Only a handful of people knew about it – some of his close friends including Chase and Mackie, his mom and his therapist – and that suited him fine. He’d portrayed his fair share of sad, gay boys on screen though, and had learned that he was far from averse to making out with guys. He knew that he liked looking at handsome men just as he liked looking at pretty women, and Chris was undeniably a good-looking guy. So, Sebastian figured that even if he happened to be a bit of an asshole like so many Hollywood stars, he’d at least still be nice to look at.

When they’d first met, Sebastian had been pleasantly surprised by how much of a goofball Chris turned out to be. He was loud and funny and made him laugh so much his jaw ached when he went home at the end of the day. Chris’s self-deprecating humor, something which he and Sebastian shared, was a rare thing to find in Hollywood in Seb’s experience, and it wasn’t long before the two of them had struck up a friendship that carried on off set. They also shared a love for all things space, both wearing their vintage NASA caps with pride, and when Chris got all fired up and angry about politics – which tended to happen a lot – Sebastian and his more philosophical mind set were usually able to make Chris take a deep breath and a step back to see the bigger picture.

But it wasn’t until Chris had come by Sebastian’s flat after the first of his many break ups with Minka that Sebastian had realized that perhaps he felt a little more than friendship for his (admittedly handsome) friend and co-star. Chris had been down in the dumps then, feeling disillusioned about love and life in general, and what usually came across as just self-deprecating humor turned out to be rooted in a deep-seated self-criticism and surprisingly low self-esteem. In between bouts of goofiness, Chris had always been thoughtful and articulate, but Sebastian had never realized before just how sensitive his friend really was.

Sebastian had felt so helpless then. Chris didn’t appear to hear him when Seb had tried to reason with him, and all he’d wanted to do in that moment was to make Chris see how wonderful he actually was. And then, as Chris had looked up at him despondently with his big, sad, blue eyes, Sebastian had realized that the way in which he wanted to make Chris see this was by kissing him deeply and passionately until it got through his thick skull.

Which was. Problematic.

Apart from some joking, off-hand comments made in interviews, Chris had never shown any serious interest in men, and he was obviously still hurting from his break up – from a girlfriend, let’s not forget. Sebastian knew Chris was supportive of the LGBTQ+ community since his brother Scott, also an actor, was gay, but supportiveness of course didn’t automatically translate to participation. Judging by his dating history, Chris was decidedly straight.

So Sebastian did what every self-respecting individual would do in his position, and promptly suppressed his feelings. Once he’d realized the extent of them, however, it became a constant struggle not to accidentally shoot Chris adoring looks or cling to him when Chris treated him to one of his inordinately handsy bear hugs.

It hadn’t helped that the characters they played were obviously _hella_ gay for each other, too, though Sebastian had always publicly maintained that Bucky and Steve were just friends, mainly to divert attention from the relationship between himself and Chris. He had a hard enough time as it was keeping his feelings hidden without fans speculating about how their on-screen relationship translated to real life. Maddeningly, Chris didn’t seem to share the same qualms and frequently hinted at the romantic nature of Steve’s feelings for Bucky. It drove Sebastian mad sometimes, hearing Chris talk about his character’s love and devotion for his best friend while looking _him_.

But Seb had managed. Mostly. Over the years he’d almost learned to live with his unrequited crush, relying on his acting skills whenever he hung out with Chris to be a good friend to him and nothing more. He’d continued to date gorgeous, lovely women whom he’d all truly cared for, but who never seemed to be able to completely extinguish his feelings for Chris.

So when Chris had distanced himself after the most recent bout of filming – most likely their last time working together since Seb didn’t have any re-shoots scheduled for Avengers 4, which was going to be Chris’s last Marvel movie – it had still hurt. A lot.

Especially as it coincided with Seb’s breakup from Margarita, with whom he’d had a genuinely good thing for a while. In what he feared was becoming a pattern, however, what had started out as a whirlwind romance had over the course of a few years gradually grown into something more companionable, and eventually they’d had to concede that the spark just wasn’t there anymore. The fact that Chris had also recently become single again had proven a bigger consolation than Seb had expected – not a sentiment he was particularly proud of.

Of course he wanted Chris to be happy. He just really wanted Chris to be happy with _him_.

But that is never going to happen, and Sebastian knows he should be redoubling his efforts to move on, and pronto.

Which is, of course, why he is currently on his way to spend a week in complete isolation in a remote lakeside cabin with just the man he is trying to move on from. Solid plan, Seb. Really excellent.

***

Chris is not disappointed that it’s almost 11am and he hasn’t had a text from Sebastian yet. Honestly, he isn’t.

It just means that it will definitely be after midday when Seb finally arrives, which in turn means that what was supposed to be their first day spent together in _far_ too long will technically already half be over. But Chris is fine with that. Really.

Just this morning, he’s already cleaned the cabin, made up the guest bed, and gone for a run, none of which had done anything to settle the nervous energy bubbling under his skin. So that’s how he ended up in the shade on the front porch, music blasting from the stereo inside, doing push-ups until his arms burn with the effort.

He’s on his forty-second one when he suddenly sees Dodger’s white-socked paws burst past him, fluffy, orange tail wagging, and barking happily at something on his six. Quickly, Chris jumps up and turns around just in time to see Sebastian getting out of his shiny, black Jaguar like some sort of freakin’ movie star.

Which is exactly what he is, Chris supposes.

Even from this far, he’s immediately struck by how unfairly good Seb looks. He’s sporting a bit of a tan and designer stubble, hair longer than the last time he’d seen him though not nearly as long as it had sometimes been during filming. He’s wearing faded jeans and a simple grey t-shirt, but he might as well have been dressed to the nines in a sharp designer suit for the way Chris’s heart stutters in his chest at the sight of him.

All at once, he’s painfully reminded of why he’s been madly in love with this man for the past eight years – not that he really needs the reminder. He also becomes aware of the fact that he himself is currently wearing sweats and a ratty old t-shirt; one that is distinctly sweaty from all the exercise he’s been doing this morning. Come to think of it, his hair is in desperate need of a comb, too. At least he brushed his teeth after breakfast. Small mercies.

Sebastian makes his way up the drive towards the cabin, accosted by an ecstatic Dodger all the way. He eventually has to drop his overnight bag to crouch down and properly greet the dog the way he clearly wants to be greeted. They end up in a tangle on the forest floor and Chris is resolutely not jealous of the way Dodger is currently licking Sebastian’s face, because that would be wrong and ridiculous.

Sebastian is laughing when he eventually calls out, “Hey Evans, could you please get your mutt off my face so I can come say hello to you?”

Chris chuckles and lets out a sharp whistle, prompting Dodger to happily bound over to him, tongue lolling from his mouth. Sebastian gets up off the ground, brushing twigs and dirt from his jeans, and takes the final few steps up the front porch until they’re face to face.

Closing the last bit of distance between them, Chris finally pulls Seb to him and wraps his arms around him, hugging him tightly, breathing him in. It’s been way, _way_ too long. _And whose fault is that?_ , Chris thinks ruefully to himself.

Sebastian hugs back just as hard for a few seconds until he mumbles, “It’s great to see you, Chris, but you’re very sweaty.”

Chris pulls back quickly, but still quips, “Yeah, well, if _someone_ had sent me a text to warn me they were on their way, _like they promised_ , then I could’ve grabbed a shower before they arrived.” He gives Seb a pointed look.

Sebastian actually looks mildly abashed at that. “Ah, yes, sorry about that. In my defense, my phone died yesterday, so I figured I’d take my chances and just show up.”

He fishes his phone out of his pocket and pushes the side button to demonstrate.

The screen promptly lights up.

Chris lifts a skeptical eyebrow and Sebastian looks up at him a little sheepishly. “Okay, I don’t know what’s going on with this thing, but I swear it wasn’t working earlier.”

Chris barks out a laugh, a hand clutching at his chest. “Sure Seb, whatever you say." He claps Sebastian on the shoulder. “Come on, bring your stuff in. I’ll show you which room is yours and then I’ll go shower while you unpack.”

Sebastian follows him through the cabin, soberly decorated in wood and neutral tones with a splash of color here and there in the form of a throw or a ceramic bowl. The two bedrooms are at the back of the cabin, across the hallway from each other.

“The right one is yours”, Chris says. “There’s fresh sheets and towels on the bed but just give me a shout if you need anything else.”

The corner of Sebastian mouth quirks up on one side, his beautiful grey-blue eyes sparkling. “I see you haven’t lost your hosting skills then.”

“What can I say, my momma raised me well”, Chris concedes with a shrug.  

“She sure did”, Seb smiles, plopping down on the bed and letting himself fall backwards. His shirt rides up a little, and Chris swallows through a throat that’s suddenly tight with want.

He quickly goes to grab a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from his own room before he makes his way to the shower, trying very hard not to think about how Sebastian’s just a few feet away, as he’s stripping out of his sweaty workout clothes and getting under the shower spray.

It’s a little surreal, honestly, having Seb this close after so long apart. His heart is still racing from the sudden thrill of seeing him again after all this time, and the realization of how much he’d missed him is a little overwhelming. He can’t put his finger on what it was that had prompted him to invite him over now, when he’d made such an effort to spare himself further heartbreak after filming for Infinity War ended last year. He figures it’s just that he finally accepted that however much distance he puts between them, and whomever he dates, getting over Seb entirely is just not an option. After eight years and a plenty of failed relationships, it’s pretty clear that it’s just never going to happen.

At thirty-seven years old, Chris is still single, still ostensibly straight, and yet still hopelessly hung up on his male co-star.

Chris had always known that he was able to objectively appreciate male beauty and had more than once caught himself admiring the looks of some of the striking men he’d met in his line of work. But when it came down to it, it would always be a woman’s touch, a woman’s curves, that would make him lose his mind, make him want to chase after them and make them his.

That is, until he met Sebastian Stan.

The way he’d reacted so viscerally to Sebastian’s presence when first meeting him had taken Chris completely by surprise. He’d been immediately captivated by his ocean-grey eyes, crinkling playfully at the corners when he smiled. And that smile, that crooked, cheeky smile had sent a jolt of electricity straight up Chris’s spine, rendering him speechless for a few seconds before he was able to regain enough presence of mind to introduce himself. Not his proudest moment.

Over the course of their first meeting, where there had been plenty of other interesting people present, his eyes kept being drawn to Sebastian: his strong jawline, sharp cheekbones, the soft-looking hair that Chris was already aching to run his fingers through. And don’t even get him started on his lips. _Christ_ , those lips. He’s still pretty sure the way Seb kept biting them would be considered illegal in at least twenty states.

Then after the meeting, they’d grabbed a coffee together and Sebastian had moreover turned out to be the loveliest, most effortlessly charming guy Chris had ever met. Intelligent, funny, and, as he would later come to repeat in various interviews, just the sweetest human being on the planet.

All in all, Chris left that first meeting feeling completely unmoored, knowing right away that he was in trouble and that this was something more than just detached, aesthetic appreciation. He’d been proven right again and again over the months that followed, the close friendship that evolved between himself and Sebastian doing nothing to abate his inappropriate feelings in the slightest.

But then Sebastian had started dating Dianna, who Chris ironically had also been on a few dates with before they decided they weren’t right for each other, and all at once, he’d been harshly reminded that Sebastian, for all the gay characters that he’d played in the past (yes, okay, so Chris had immediately gone and watched everything Sebastian had ever been in, don’t judge him) was actually very much straight and clearly only interested in dating gorgeous women. The idea that he could ever be attracted to Chris suddenly seemed even more ludicrous than usual.

So Chris had kept dating as well, throwing himself into a series of ill-advised flings until he had finally found some modicum of stability with Minka. The more famous he became, the more he understood that he had to keep his bisexuality to himself – there was a reason there were relatively few gay or bisexual A-listers out there, and even less male than female ones. So when his relationship with Minka inevitably ended, Chris had felt extra disillusioned for a while.

Eventually, though, he’d met Jenny on the set of Gifted, and for some time she had made him believe there was hope for him yet. She was incredibly funny, so much more down to earth and level-headed than many of his previous girlfriends, and Chris’s family had loved her. He’d been so hopeful that this relationship would be the one that would help him move on and realize his dream of finally starting a family, at 36 years old. Although he hid it well, Chris had a seriously hard time coming to terms with the fact that he was one of the only unmarried, childless members of the Marvel cast.

He’d even attempted to emotionally and physically distance himself from Sebastian then, throwing himself into a new project; his Broadway debut. Of course it had sucked not to spend time with his close-knit Marvel family anymore, but at the time he had thought it was the only way to give this thing with Jenny an honest chance. Better to go cold turkey.

But then Seb had surprised him with a visit at the Lobby Hero opening night, lighting up Chris’s life again like he’d never left, and suddenly he’d been right back where he started. It was pointless.

He’d had to fulfill his Lobby Hero commitments anyway, of course, which meant that he couldn’t be part of the Infinity War press tour. He knew he’d been the one to plan it that way, but that didn’t stop it from chafing. It wasn’t that he didn’t love being on stage, because he did; he genuinely enjoyed doing something new and challenging. And it wasn’t that he didn’t care for Jenny either, or that he hadn’t tried, because, trust him; he had.

But despite all that, and despite his desire for a family of his own, at that point in his life he just hadn’t been able to conjure up the level of commitment that Jenny had – understandably – expected from him. He’d become increasingly distant, spending more and more time in his new TriBeCa apartment on his own, and eventually Jenny had decided that she’d had enough.

And he couldn’t blame her. If it had been him in her place, he would’ve been sick of his pining ass, too.

So here he is, single once more, and by some miracle, Sebastian is in the same boat - even though Chris would’ve bet his bottom dollar that a catch like him would’ve been long snared by this point. Although he does want Sebastian to find the happiness he deserves and craves – Seb is a bit of a hopeless romantic, just like Chris – he is, at the same time, dreading the day Seb finds The One and irrevocably pledges himself to somebody else. He'll be out of his reach for good then.

Standing under the spray of the shower now, Chris takes a deep breath and reminds himself that today is not that day.

Today, Sebastian is here with him, calmly putting away his things in the next room, blissfully unaware of the turmoil he’s already causing.

***

When Chris walks out of the shower, hair still damp and t-shirt clinging to his torso where he clearly hasn’t dried off properly, Sebastian’s brain short-circuits a little bit. As if seeing Chris all hot and sweaty from the actual fucking _push-ups_ he’d been doing on the porch when Sebastian arrived hadn’t been bad enough.

God, this is going to be a tough week.

Chris leads him to the kitchen, where he starts making a fresh pot of coffee. “You still take yours black with one sugar?”, he asks after he’s poured them both a cup.

Sebastian blinks at him. “I can’t believe you remember that”, he says, honestly a little surprised and more than a little touched.

Chris smiles guilelessly as he hands Sebastian his mug. “Of course I do. It hasn’t been _that_ long.”

Sebastian takes the proffered mug. “Sure feels like it, though”, he mumbles into his coffee.

There’s a pause, and then Chris clears his throat. Sebastian looks up at him from behind his mug; Chris at least has the decency to look a little guilty, which, as it turns out, doesn’t actually make Seb feel any better.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch for so long, Seb.” Chris hesitates, looking forlorn. “I just –”

“Look, it’s okay, Chris”, Seb cuts in, now feeling a little guilty himself. “I get it. You’ve been really busy.” He gives him his best attempt at a reassuring smile, but Chris barrels on regardless.

“It’s not just that though. I mean, I… I’ve been going through some things, I guess”, he says awkwardly, waving a hand around as if that will help him get his point across. “It’s harder than I thought to close the Captain America chapter of my life, you know? I had to start taking some distance, or it would become this nostalgic… _thing_ that just drags on for ever and ever. And I knew I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to deal with that, especially when Jenny and I broke up, and I just…” He trails off, a slightly pained expression on his handsome face.

Although it’s good to finally get an apology and an explanation from Chris, Sebastian can’t let him flounder like that.

“Yeah, I was sorry to hear about that. You two seemed like you had a good thing going,” he offers with a sympathetic smile, conveniently leaving out the bit where he’d spent several evenings browsing the net for stories about the break-up to make himself feel a little better.

Chris smiles a little mournfully. “We did. It just – wasn’t enough, you know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I do”, Sebastian sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Anyway, what’s done is done. We’re here now, that’s what matters.” His next smile feels more genuine. “So. What’ve you got planned for us? Please tell me you’re not going to make me do stupid amounts of exercise. I get enough of that from Don when I’m not on vacation.”

“Well, I was going to propose a little hike around the lake to start us off, actually”, Chris says a little sheepishly, stroking his beard.

Sebastian groans. “Fine. But only if we go for a swim after.”

\---

They spend the afternoon rambling around the lake, Dodger in tow, until they’re both hot and sweaty and dying to cool off in the water.

Sebastian has seen Chris shirtless before, of course – _along with the rest of the world_ , he thinks wryly – but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to ogle the man for all he’s worth as soon as Chris pulls off his shirt to ready himself for a dip. He isn’t quite as buff as he was while they were filming, but he’s still broader than Seb, toned and already tanned from the time he’s been spending at the lake. His tattoos, which Sebastian secretly loves even though Chris himself regrets most of them, draw his eye immediately.

Sebastian doesn’t have any tattoos himself, but he’s always thought he’d like to get one when he finds a design he likes. He just thinks he wouldn’t be able to pull them off as well as Chris, but then that’s the case for most things. Sebastian is aware that he looks decent – he does still frequent the gym after all; even if his times are a little erratic lately, Don would never allow him to slouch off – but next to Chris he’ll always feel slightly inadequate in the body department. It’s one of the reasons that he got as big as he did for Civil War (the other being Hemsworth).

Chris submerges himself fully, coming up to call to Sebastian. “You coming, or are you just going to watch?”, he smirks, pushing his wet hair off his forehead.

Seb quickly sheds his shirt and dives into the water, if only to hide how Chris’s unintentionally suggestive comment had made him flush. Dodger immediately swims up to him, silently pleading with him to throw the ball he’s carrying in his white snout – and, come on, how could anyone resist those puppy eyes?

They splash around in the water for a while, staying close enough to talk, but, maddeningly, never quite close enough to touch. When they get out, Sebastian bends down to pick up his clothes from the ground, noticing as he turns around how Chris quickly averts his eyes. He sighs inwardly. If Chris doesn’t even feel comfortable looking at him while he’s in just in swimming trunks, there’s no chance in hell he’d ever want to participate in any of the many fun (read: filthy) activities Sebastian is dying to try with him. No surprise there of course, but still a sobering reminder.

On the walk back to the cabin, Chris asks, “So how have you been, Seb? I know that it probably seems like I haven’t cared lately, but I did. I do care. I hope you know that.”

Sebastian swallows. Why does this man have to sound so goddamn earnest all the time?

“I know. I’ve been good”, he answers after a while, not entirely honestly. “The whole press tour was a bit of a whirlwind, especially so soon after awards season and everything with ‘I, Tonya’, but… yeah, it was good.” He smiles, and then adds in a softer tone, “We missed you though.”

Chris returns his smile. “Hey, I can’t say I’m sad to have missed the madness, but I did miss hanging out with you guys, too. How’s Mackie doing?”

Seb grins. “Oh, he’s Mackie, you know? He’s always doing great. Never a dull moment with that man.”

“Look who’s talking”, Chris snorts. “If I recall correctly, you caused at _least_ as much trouble as he did. Remember that time we had to take a cab to the studio and Mackie convinced the driver he was Morgan Freeman to prove a point about racism, and then you pretended to be his Russian oligarch sugar daddy?”

Sebastian dissolved into giggles halfway through the anecdote and follows it up with one of his own. They spend the rest of the way home like that, dredging up memories of the good old times, goofing around, and by the time they reach the cabin, the atmosphere between them is as good as it’s ever been. Sebastian kind of feels like the time they spent apart was a bad dream, and he’s finally woken up again.

Chris insists on cooking for him that evening (“My momma’s special chicken noodle recipe, Seb, she’d kill me if I spill the secret so you’re just gonna have to let me make it for you”) so Sebastian sits himself down at the kitchen table with a cold beer and keeps Chris company while he chops.

Chris regales him with an anecdote about something that happened on a recent trip to Vegas with his brother Scott, but Sebastian has a hard time following the story. He’s distracted by the spark in Chris’s eyes while he talks, the animated way he waves his hands about to emphasize a point.

God, he’s missed him. There’s really no denying that his feelings for this man are still as strong as ever. At this rate, he even worries that a week together will prove too much for his acting skills and he’ll break down unattractively at some point to profess his undying love and beg Chris not to leave him again.

Well, if it comes to that, he supposes he can always check himself into rehab and disappear for a while – he feels like he wouldn’t be the first celebrity to deploy that particular tactic.

They eat in companionable silence, Chris clearly unaware of the fact that Sebastian is trying very hard not to stare at him too much. The noodles are excellent, and Seb, in theatrical fashion, makes a point of having Chris text his mom to thank her for the recipe and for raising such an upstanding son. Chris groans, but does it anyway, if only to end Seb’s pestering.

Not long after, Chris’s mom calls.

“Now look what you’ve done”, Chris cries dramatically, pointing an accusing finger at the ringing phone.

Sebastian has only met Chris’s mother once, at a premiere, but they’d gotten on like a house on fire. It’s clear to see where Chris got his passion and his sense of humor from, and despite Chris’s complaining, Seb knows that he actually loves talking to her.

He listens to the muted sounds of what seems to be Lisa playfully scolding Chris for only getting in touch when somebody makes him (which Seb knows for a fact isn’t true as Chris and his family are very close) and after chatting to her son for a while she orders him to put Sebastian on the phone.

They catch up a little, Sebastian asking after Lisa’s life attentively in that way he has that makes mothers love him. She makes him promise to come and visit sometime soon, before proclaiming she’s late for bridge club and promptly hanging up the phone.

 _Just as impulsive as her son_ , Sebastian thinks fondly.

They spend the rest of the evening watching a movie, content to be in each other’s company and have a few beers. It feels easy, just sitting there with Chris. Familiar and homey. Despite the constant thrumming of want in his veins, Sebastian feels at ease, and he sleeps like a baby that night in the knowledge that finally, after all this time, Chris is right there in the next room.


	3. Tuesday

When Sebastian wakes up the next morning, the alarm clock on his bedside table tells him its 9.14 am. He pulls a shirt over his head and walks out into the hallway. Chris’s bedroom door is open, a quick peek inside telling him that he must already be up. He heads to the kitchen, but there’s no sign of Chris there either.

There is a note on the kitchen table, though.

_Went for a run with Dodger, please help yourself to breakfast._

_Should be back before 10.30 :)_

_C_

Sebastian decides to be a good guest and gets out some eggs and bacon to make a proper breakfast for two. Chris is bound to be hungry after exercising and it’s the least he can do after Chris cooked the night before. Also, breakfast food is of the few things that Sebastian knows he can nail in the kitchen.

Well, he can actually think of one other thing he could nail in the kitchen, but let’s not go there this early in the morning.

The cabin is filled with the smell of fried bacon and coffee by the time Chris comes back, sweaty and flushed, and causing a sharp pang of desire in Sebastian’s gut.

“Oh Seb, you didn’t have to do that”, Chris protests, still panting, as soon as he lays eyes on the set kitchen table.

“I know”, Sebastian shrugs, “but I would’ve been making food for myself anyway so what’s one extra person? Plus, I figured you’d be starving after your run. But if not, then I guess I’ll just have to eat it all myself.” He pulls his most tragic face.

Chris chuckles. “Well, we can’t have that, can we? I guess I’m just going to have to eat the shit out of that breakfast, then.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less of you, Chris”, Seb grins.

They make plans for the rest of the day while eating, deciding to head to the nearest town that afternoon to find a store that could have a look at Sebastian’s phone, since it’s decided to stop working again sometime during the night. Chris is still on his second cup of coffee, so after finishing his food Seb heads to the bathroom to take a shower.

To be honest, he could do with some alone time before spending another day in close proximity to Chris.

 

***

 

Sebastian’s taking a shower, so Chris finishes his coffee while he answers a few texts. When he’s done, his gaze lands on Seb’s discarded phone on the table next to his plate. He wipes his fingers on his shorts since they’ll need to be washed anyway, and picks it up.

When he pushes the side button, the screen lights up. Huh. So it’s working again.

He means to put the phone down then, but his eyes flick down the notifications out of habit. There’s a new message from ‘Jon’, next to a picture of a ridiculously handsome, vaguely familiar-looking man. Without consciously deciding to do so, Chris starts to read the part of the text that shows on the lock screen.

_“Hola handsome ;) I know it’s been a while but I’ll be in your part of town tomorrow, would love to see you if you’re free. Preferably naked. I can book a room at the Roxy, same name as usual? Let me kn…”_

Then the message cuts off. But it’s enough. Chris does a double take and reads it again, and then again, blood suddenly roaring in his ears.

What. The fuck.

This is a booty call. From a man.

A very handsome man, but a man nonetheless. A man with manparts, or so he presumes.

He stares at the phone with wide eyes for a few seconds longer, then drops it on the table with a _clunk_ when he hears the bathroom door opening. He hastily fumbles to turn the screen off and puts the phone back next to Seb’s plate. Standing up quickly, he almost knocks over his chair and hurries to turn around towards the sink, frantically willing his blush and his racing heartbeat down before Sebastian has a chance to walk back into the kitchen.

His mind is reeling. He can’t make sense of what he’s just read, a deluge of questions threatening to overwhelm him. Is Sebastian seeing a man? He’s actually into guys? But what about all the beautiful women?

Could he be bi, too?, Chris wonders incredulously. The implications are too much for his overwrought brain to process right then, but one thing that stands out among the jumble of feelings coursing through his body is a completely unreasonable sense of betrayal.

So Sebastian likes men – just not Chris, is that it? He feels so abruptly, irrationally jealous of this other guy who gets to touch Sebastian and be touched by him that he can’t help but get out his own phone to quickly google ‘Jon model’. _A guy that good-looking has to be a model_ , he thinks with no small amount of envy.

His screen immediately fills with images of a stunning Spanish model/actor by the name of Jon Kortajarena, and a quick further search learns that he’s been in relationships with men before and played Colin Firth’s love interest in A Single Man. That’s why he looked familiar, Chris realizes.

He then googles ‘Jon Kortajarena & Sebastian Stan’ and finds a few images of the two men together, looking suave and happy at some fashion show not too long ago. _Fuck_ , why do they have to look so good together? Just as he’s about to try and find more information about the relationship between them, Sebastian comes strolling back into the kitchen, looking relaxed and devastatingly handsome with his damp, tousled hair.

“Bathroom’s free”, he smiles.

Chris, whose phone is burning a hole in his hand behind his back, has to clear his throat twice before he’s able to get a reply out.

“Right, yes, I’ll just – Okay. So, I’ll just go take a shower, then.”

Sebastian gives him a curious look, his smile fading slightly. “Okay…”

Chris practically flees from the kitchen, clutching his phone like a lifebuoy - he’s not about to make the same mistake as Sebastian and leave it unsupervised so that Seb can accidentally stumble upon his recent search history. He’s embarrassed enough as it is.

\---

Later that afternoon, Chris turns on the radio in his truck, some honey-voiced country singer crooning about cruising down Route 66 with the top down. From the corner of his eye he sees Sebastian fishing his phone out of his pocket, making a pleased sound when he finds it turns on like it’s supposed to. Chris tries not to be too obvious, but he glances sideways just in time to see Seb’s eyebrows knit together when he obviously reads the text Jon sent him. He watches him type off a quick reply before he slides the phone back into his jeans pocket.

Shit. Chris would give his left arm to know what that text said. Did he tell Jon that he was spending the week with Chris and wouldn’t be in New York? Or does he have to prepare himself for Sebastian to bid him goodbye tomorrow with a flimsy excuse, only to know he’ll be spending the night in some Spanish model’s bed? He feels slightly sick at the thought, so he resolves to find a covert way to establish what Seb’s plans are for the next few days. Which is why, as soon as they’ve pulled into a parking lot in the nearest town, he casually blurts out,

“So, what’re your plans for the next few days? I mean – are you heading back to New York soon or…”      

“ _Oh_.” Seb gives him a slightly alarmed look. “I don’t know, I thought I… I mean, I don’t know if you... But I guess I thought…” He sucks in a sharp breath and pushes out the next words in a rush. “I was sort of planning on staying for the rest of the week actually, but I totally get if that’s a bit much, I can head back tomorrow if you prefer. I don’t mind.” He nervously taps his fingers on the dashboard and doesn’t look at Chris.

It’s Chris’s turn to stammer. “No! No, I sort of assumed you’d be staying but we never actually discussed it, so I thought I’d ask. But of course you should stay. If you want to. I’d like you to stay.” He purses his lips and hopes against hope that he isn’t blushing like he feels he is.

“Well, I suppose I can stay a bit longer if you need me around so badly”, Seb grins boyishly.

Chris thinks is a good thing he doesn’t know how close to home those words hit.

Sebastian decides it’s better to have his phone looked at after all, even though it seems to be working at the moment, so after they’ve dropped it off they grab some lunch at a nearby diner. Chris orders the frittata and a salad while Seb gets pancakes and a milkshake, and Chris can’t help but find his sweet tooth adorable.

When Seb turns his head to read the coffee menu that is written in chalk on the board above the register, Chris surreptitiously studies his profile, eyes tracing the elegant line of his nose down to the gentle curve of his cupid bow lips. For the umpteenth time just that day, he wishes could just curl his fingers around the other man’s jaw, tilt his head toward his own and press a soft kiss to his sinful mouth. Discover what those, plush, pink lips feel like against his own.

Chris is shaken out of his reverie by Sebastian murmuring, “Fan incoming, eight o’clock”.

He barely has time to plaster a bland smile on his face before a girl of about sixteen years old reaches their table and pushes a napkin under his nose. She’s got strawberry blonde hair and green eyes, and when Chris asks her for her name she says, “Evelynne, with double n and an e”.

After he’s signed her napkin, he expects her to turn to Sebastian to ask for his autograph next, but instead she mumbles a final thank you before making her way back to the table where her (boy?)friend is impatiently waiting for her return. Chris can feel both their eyes on them and is suddenly worried that they’ll snap a bunch of pictures of him and Seb grabbing lunch together in some obscure town and paste them all over Instagram. He pulls his cap down over his forehead and fixes his eyes on the table top.

“Time to leave?”, Sebastian queries in a low voice.

Chris shoots him a grateful smile and throws some cash down on the table, more than enough to cover both of their bills, before making his way outside. Inhaling deeply, he tries to regain his composure, hitching his shoulders up to his ears.

“Sorry”, he says on a sigh. “I don’t know what happened there. I guess I just wasn’t expecting to be recognized today.” He frowns and adds, “I also thought it was a bit rude that she asked for my autograph but not yours.”

Sebastian looks a little amused by that. “Chris, I hate to break it to, but you’re about fifty times more recognizable than I am. I make a point of looking like a different person for every movie and even people I’ve actually worked with have had trouble recognizing me from other roles. I’m okay with that.”

He reaches out and squeezes Chris’s shoulder, smiling reassuringly at him. “And sure, she was a little awkward, but she was probably just nervous as hell and really focused on meeting you. You worry too much already, Chris, please don’t add to it on my account.”

Meeting fans when you’re going about your daily business can be tricky, Chris knows that. Of course they’re grateful for their fans’ support and attention, not least because without them they would pretty much be out of a job. But sometimes you’re just busy, or not in the right mindset to make polite conversation with complete strangers. Acting is just a job, after all, and even celebrities need to be off the clock every once in a while.

So while he always does his best to be friendly and take pictures with everyone who asks, it’s been known to happen that the timing is just bad, which then results in people calling him rude or stuck up. Chris knows that Sebastian has found this kind of thing pretty hard to deal with in the past, but that his therapist really helped him come to terms with it. Seb would never be intentionally be rude to anybody, not if he could help it.

Sebastian’s words make Chris feel somewhat better, and he marvels again at how the other man is always able to calm him down and get him out of his own head. He supposes that if those kids were to post pics of them on social media, they weren’t actually doing anything wrong. Just two friends grabbing a bite on their day off. Nothing to worry about.

He still can’t help but feel relieved when, after picking up Sebastian’s phone from the repair shop, they turn onto the motorway taking them back to the isolation of the cabin.

When they pass a gas station, about ten minutes from home, Sebastian suddenly says, “Turn in here for a minute, will you? I just wanna get a few things.” Chris does as he's told, figuring that he probably needs another sugar fix. Sebastian disappears inside for a few minutes, coming out again with a plastic bag that rankles as he walks.

Chris cocks an inquiring eyebrow at him. “Whatcha got there, Seb?”

“Rum, whiskey and a few mixers, if you must know”, Sebastian drawls.

Chris’s second eyebrow joins his other one. “Big plans, have we?”

Sebastian just shrugs. “We’re on holiday. I just figured we could let our hair down a little and have a bit of good old-fashioned fun tonight. Unless you think you can’t handle it anymore, old man.” His eyes glint mischievously, making Chris’s heart skip a beat.

Chris lets out a bark of laughter and turns the key in the ignition. “Oh, you just worry about keeping up with me, young ‘un.”

 

***

 

Dodger is ecstatic to see them when they get back, even though they’ve only been away for a few hours. He jumps and barks at them until Chris relents and takes him out for a walk and a game of fetch. Meanwhile, Sebastian busies himself with shoving some frozen pizzas in the oven (another culinary highlight of his) and goes to sit at the kitchen table to check his phone again. It seems to be working fine now, which is a relief.

He goes into his messages and rereads the texts he received from Jon. The first one, inviting him out for a casual hook-up, and the one in reply to his own text turning down his offer and promising a more detailed explanation sometime soon.

Jon is a great guy, he really is. And not exactly hard on the eyes either, obviously. Seb had first met him at a party a few years back, where they were introduced by Esmeralda Brajovic, their mutual agent. They’d spent the evening chatting about nothing in particular, idle talk gradually giving way to more flirty comments as more alcohol was consumed. But since Sebastian was seeing Margarita at the time, it didn’t go any beyond a bit of playful banter.

Then, last February, they’d met again at the Boss Men fashion show and the two of them had immediately fallen back into that teasing groove they’d established before. Jon was already following Sebastian on Instagram for some time, and Sebastian, once he was single again, thought it couldn’t hurt to return the gesture. He makes a point of only following people whose life he has an actual interest in, but as soon as he had a quick browse through Jon’s posts, he felt kind of stupid for not following him sooner. He may not be Chris, but the guy really was drop-dead gorgeous.

They’d started liking each other’s pictures, and before long Jon had sent Seb a private message that eventually led to them meeting up for a drink in some swanky private bar. Jon had never made a secret of his sexuality, and for once Sebastian had been quite transparent in conveying his own interest as well. So when, after a few Old Fashioneds, Jon had held his eyes for an inordinate amount of time, his smoldering gaze clearly telegraphing his intention, Sebastian had leaned in first and kissed him straight on the lips.

After that, it hadn’t taken long before they’d ended up frenziedly making out in the elevator taking them up to the hotel room that Jon had efficiently arranged for them. He wasn’t the first guy Sebastian had slept with, but it had been a long, long time, and he was very much in need of an outlet for his yearning for Chris. He hadn’t been disappointed.

They always stuck to hotel rooms after that, an unspoken agreement between them. Whatever it was they had together, it was clearly primarily physical. It wasn’t that they didn’t get along, but, for Sebastian at least, there just weren’t any pesky added feelings to complicate matters, and as far as he knew Jon didn’t want anything more from their liaison either.

The arrangement suited them both perfectly, the two of them hooking up whenever they met up at some opening or fashion show, and occasionally just when they felt like it. Sebastian never told anyone about Jon, although he had a feeling Esmeralda might suspect something since she’d been present at a few events where he and Jon had left around the same time at the end of the night. He’s not ashamed of anything, but he figured it would be best to keep the affair under wraps to prevent the Hollywood scandal that would inevitably accompany the coming out of a rising A-lister like himself.

So it wasn’t a surprise, exactly, that Jon had sent him that message this morning, but it had taken him less than half a second to decide that he wasn’t about to compromise on his time spent together with Chris to go and have a quick tumble in the proverbial hay with Jon. To be honest, he kind of didn’t really see the attraction anymore after having spent just one day in the company of the man he’d actually had feelings for since forever.

The ping of the oven, signaling that the pizzas are done, brings him out of his reverie. Chris returns with a happily exhausted Dodger in his wake not long after, and they spend the next hour or so eating pizza and drinking beer on the raised patio at the back of the cabin while watching some gritty crime drama on Chris’s laptop.

After the end credits roll on the second episode, Sebastian gets up to stretch. He could swear he sees Chris’s eyes flit briefly to the strip of his abdomen that is exposed when he lifts his arms over his head, but it’s too quick to be sure it actually happened. Just wishful thinking, most likely.

Sebastian goes to fetch the rum and a bottle of coke, demonstratively putting them both down on the table before Chris.

“It’s that time, is it?” Chris asks, lips curving up into a smile.

Instead of answering, Sebastian pours a generous measure of rum into both their glasses, topping them up with coke and handing Chris his glass. They lock eyes while clinking them together, and Sebastian proceeds to down half his glass in one go. Chris laughs and shakes his head at him, but he’s not one to be outdone easily. As expected, he follows suit and gives Sebastian a cocky look while doing so.

“So Chris”, Sebastian starts, “Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”, Chris counters, smacking his lips.

“How good is your memory?”

Chris pretends to think for a minute. “Well, it depends on the subject, I’d say. If you’re talking about anything I learned in school than I’ll probably have to disappoint you, but I’m pretty sure I could recite the scores of every Patriots game over the last three years.”  

“Although that is seriously impressive”, Sebastian concedes with a dip of his head, “as well as a little bit weird, I was going more for things that involve muscle memory.”

Chris narrows his eyes at him. “Go on.”

“Do you reckon you could still remember some of our choreography for the highway fight scene?”

Chris laughs silently and downs the rest of his drink before getting up.

“Only one way to find out, isn’t there?”, he smirks, throwing in a wink for good measure.

A flare of pure, unadulterated want shoots through Sebastian, stealing his breath for a second. He swallows thickly before finishing his drink and pouring a new one. He’ll probably need it after this.

Chris has walked down the steps leading down from the patio and is standing on the grass between the cabin and the lake, looking up at Sebastian expectantly.

“How do you want to do this?”, he asks, hands on his hips.

“We need something to stand in for the shield”, Sebastian muses. He turns on his heel and heads inside, returning a few minutes later with the lid of a round, cane basket that normally stands in the living room next to the couch.

Chris guffaws. “Not bad. What bit do you want to start at?”

Sebastian puts his fingers to his chin in a pensive gesture, then grins. “Let’s take it from the top, shall we?”

Chris cocks his head and raises both his hands to beckon Sebastian closer. “Bring it on, tough guy.”

Sebastian moves closer, throwing the cane lid at Chris, who catches it effortlessly. Chris then backs up a bit, before breaking into a run and advancing on Sebastian, holding up the 'shield' at the last minute. Sebastian brings his left fist down on it, and they’re off.

They spend a few minutes in a weird dance of sorts, moving through the choreography of the parts of the scene they’d done themselves, without all the stunts their doubles inserted for them later. They both seem to remember their moves for the most part, although there are a few points at which one or both of them needs to stop for a moment, backing up and trying again until they get it right.

Halfway through the routine, Sebastian crowds Chris up to the side of the house, raising the hand in which he is holding a pretend knife while Chris brings up an arm to act like he’s pushing Sebastian off.

It is then that Sebastian notices just how close his body is pressed to Chris’s, their faces only inches apart. They’re both breathing hard by this point, cheeks slightly flushed from the effort and looking intently into each other’s eyes. Sebastian can count each of Chris’s ridiculously long eyelashes and feel his breath on his face. He smells sweet, like rum and coke.

They’ve been in this position before, of course, but then there was always someone watching from the side of a practice mat or from behind a camera with an action board. This is the first time they’ve done this when there’s no one else around, and it suddenly feels a lot more intimate. For a second, Sebastian loses the momentum of the fight, his gaze flicking down to Chris’s mouth, then back up to meet his eyes again.

He almost does a double take. Out of nowhere, there’s a fervor to Chris’s expression that Seb has never seen directed at him before, his blue eyes blazing with a heat that belies the coolness of their color. He can’t look away and the moment stretches on for several long seconds, until Sebastian tries to lick his lips, only to find that his mouth has gone completely dry.

Suddenly, Chris seems to shake himself. He blinks rapidly a few times, effectively breaking the moment, and abruptly moves sideways, drawing Sebastian along in the process.

Even while ducking pretend blows, Sebastian spares a moment to wonder about what just happened, replaying the moment before his mind’s eye. He wants so badly for it to mean something, but knows that it had to be just Chris just getting swept up in the intensity of the fight, the excitement of their pushing and pulling at each other resulting in an involuntary flare of passion.

He doesn’t have long to ponder on it, though, because Chris seems determined to finish the scene. A few moves later, Sebastian rolls over on the ground and gets up to look at him with a haunted expression. It’s probably not as effective without the long hair, but Chris still stares at him in apparent disbelief before asking,

“Bucky?”

In a dispassionate voice, Sebastian replies, “Who the hell is Bucky?”

They stare at each other for a minute longer – and then Chris breaks out into a wide grin. He raises his hand for a high five, which Sebastian promptly grants him.

“Hell yeah, Winter Boo Bear! Not bad for someone who’s about to turn thirty-six in a few days.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes at the familiar pet name and snorts. “Said the actual geriatric.”

They head back up on the patio then, Sebastian feeling strangely elated from the adrenaline and from finally having gotten to touch Chris again. Chris’s hair is all tousled, and as he sits down, he runs both his hands over it to smooth it down a bit. A few wayward strands fall down over his forehead regardless, and Sebastian suddenly hears himself say,

“You should leave your hair like this more often, you know. I like the messy bedhead look on you.” Immediately after the words leave his mouth, Sebastian feels himself blanch. That was _not_ a thought he’d meant to voice out loud.

Chris’s eyes widen noticeably and he looks down at his feet as he murmurs, “Jenny used to tell me that, too. And Minka, actually.”

Sebastian subtly chokes on his sip of rum and coke, and while he’s still spluttering, Chris abruptly changes the subject.

“How about a drinking game, Sebastian?”, he says, clapping his hands together and giving Seb a playfully defiant look. “If you want to do this right.”

Sebastian groans. “I’m not playing Never Have I Ever with you, Chris.”

Chris huffs. “Like you still have any secrets from me.”

 _You’d be surprised_ , Sebastian thinks.

“What did you have in mind then?”, he asks instead.

Chris proposes they play flip cup and Sebastian agrees, although he knows Chris is much better at this sort of thing than he is.

Fast forward half an hour and Sebastian is feeling distinctly tipsy. But to his relief Chris, seems to be worse off, his voice getting progressively louder and his gestures more expansive the more he drinks. They end up in the living room when it starts getting dark outside, the change of scenery inviting a change of beverage as well. Sebastian cracks open the whiskey and gets some ice out of the freezer.

Chris is slouched on the couch when Sebastian hands him his drink, and he has to suppress a shiver when their fingers brush. He flops down next to Chris, only to find that his aim has clearly been affected by the alcohol since he ends up sitting much closer than he intended to. Their shoulders are touching, and when Chris puts his right ankle over his left thigh, one of his perpetually bare feet comes to rest on Sebastian’s knee. He stares at it, a little unsure whether he should joke about it and shove Chris off, or if he can pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening and he can secretly enjoy having another piece of Chris’s body touch his own.

 _God, I’m pathetic_ , he berates himself despairingly. _It’s just a foot_. And yet he does nothing to move further away from him.

Chris speaks up suddenly. “So, how are you finding single life again, Seb?”

Sebastian darts a surprised look at him, and shrugs. “You know, it takes some getting used to, but after a while being single becomes the new normal, right? You just sort of… get on with it, I guess?”

“I suppose you’re right”, Chris hums, watching him appraisingly. “You do seem to be doing okay. But I mean like, how are you dealing with the, like…” He waves a hand and trails off.

Sebastian, who can’t actually read minds, no matter what Chris seems to think, prods his side with an elbow. “The what?”

Chris huffs self-consciously and mumbles, “Never mind”, averting his eyes.

“Just come out with it, Chris, what are you asking?”

“Well”, he starts, followed by a deep breath before quickly asking, “Don’t you have a hard time with having, like, way less sex all of a sudden?” He cringes in the ensuing silence.

Sebastian takes a moment to process the unexpected question. Chris wants to know about his sex life. Okay, he can deal with this. Running a hand through his hair he eventually replies, “Um, well, I gotta say that Margo and I weren’t having all that much sex anyway towards the end of our relationship, so…”

“Right”, Chris says, his cheeks tinged with pink. “But then… How do you deal with the lack of it in general? I mean, you don’t _have_ to tell me of course, and I’m probably going to regret I even asked you this in the morning. But I kinda don’t care so much about propriety right now, and I’m just... curious, I guess. Seeing as I’m currently going through a bit of a dry spell myself”, Chris finishes awkwardly.

Sebastian has to forcibly keep himself from offering up his body for Chris’s personal enjoyment there and then, while his mind helpfully provides a flashback to Jon’s naked limbs tangled in hotel sheets – the one thing that would answer Chris’s question, and the one thing he can’t tell him about.

So he remains silent for a little while, trying to think how best to answer the question without giving too much away or outright lying. He comes up blank, partly due to the haze of the booze, and then realizes he’s been silent for too long. Darting a quick sideways glance at Chris, he’s slightly taken aback by the intent way the other man is staring at him, as if he’s waiting for the reveal of the century.  

“What?”, Seb asks him intelligently, then quickly averts his eyes again.

“I saw the text”, Chris says suddenly. “On your phone, I mean. Yesterday. From… Jon. I didn’t mean to read it, I swear, but your phone was just on the table and I wanted to check if I could see anything wrong with it. Back when it wasn’t working, I mean. And then I accidentally saw the message and I’m really sorry for invading your privacy. I’d never do that on purpose, I hope you know that”, he rambles, looking anxious and wringing his hands.

When Sebastian doesn’t react straight away, Chris continues. “I was going to ignore it and forget I ever read anything but… I’ve found that I can’t. I just– I hope you know you can tell me anything, Seb, and that I would never think of you any differently, or tell anyone anything you wouldn’t want me to tell, you know?” A flicker of hurt passes over his face. “Just… we’re friends. And I want to know if there’s something big happening in your life. I want you to feel like you can tell me, at least”, he repeats, and then falls silent.

Sebastian can hear a faint ringing in his ears. He feels abruptly sober and sits very still for a minute, breathing shallowly and ignoring the increasingly concerned glances Chris is shooting him.

Chris knows about Jon. About Sebastian’s homosexual affair with Jon. And he wants Seb to tell him about it. Because he wants to be his friend and won’t think any differently of him. And of course, that’s exactly the problem, isn’t it?

Sebastian lets out a low groan and claps both his hands over his eyes.

Chris makes a distressed noise. “Hey Seb, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to upset you.” His hand briefly touches Sebastian’s arm, then pulls back quickly. “Talk to me”, he pleads.

Sebastian feels a brief pang of resentfulness – it’s not as if Chris had shown all that much interest in his life over the past few months – but the feeling fades as quickly as it arose when Sebastian realizes that even if Chris had been around, there is no way he would have voluntarily confided in him about Jon.

Taking a deep breath, he removes his hands from his face and meets Chris’s worried eyes.

“Okay”, he croaks. “Look. I’m not upset that you looked at my phone, I get that you didn’t do it on purpose and like – it happens. But I’m not sure I was ready to tell you about all this”, he decides to answer honestly.

“So you _are_ seeing him”, says Chris, sounding somewhere between triumphant and petulant. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he looks like he wishes he’d stayed quiet.

Sebastian levels him with a look. “Well, that depends on what you mean by seeing him. We’re not dating, if that’s what you’re asking. We just had a… casual arrangement that suited us both.” He can feel a blush creeping up his neck and prays that it’s too dark for Chris to notice.

“Had?” Chris asks, sitting completely still.

Sebastian shrugs. “Yeah, well. It was fun for a while, but I think I’m kinda done with it now? Casual can be good, especially right after a break up, but right now I don’t think it’s what I need anymore.”

“So…” Chris starts, then stops entirely.

Sebastian lets out a resigned sigh. “It’s okay, Chris, you can ask me.”

Visibly struggling to overcome his embarrassment, Chris asks, “So, you like men, then?”

 _There it is_ , Sebastian thinks wryly. His second biggest secret, laid bare for Chris’s inspection.

“Yes”, he admits. “Not all men, obviously, but I’m attracted to both women and men, yes. Always have been, I think, although I’ve only ever dated women. Partly because, you know, dating gorgeous women isn’t exactly a hardship, but also because it was easier. Hollywood isn’t quite as forward-thinking as it claims to be yet, you know?”, he says with a wry quirk of his lips.

“Yeah, I know”, Chris says softly. “God knows Scott has had enough first-hand experience with all of that.”

“Hmm, I bet.” Sebastian is silent for a minute, gathering his thoughts before continuing, “So yeah, I sort of ended up keeping it on the down low. Jon was actually the first guy I ever saw for more than just… Anyway, he’s pretty good at keeping a secret by this point, if you know what I mean.” He gives Chris a meaningful look.

“I can imagine. He’s ah… he’s very good-looking.”

Sebastian lets out a breathy laugh. “Oh man, tell me about it. And he’s uh… he’s pretty talented as well,” he can’t help but add, just to gauge Chris’s reaction.

Chris seems to sort of choke on thin air for a moment, before he visibly gathers himself and gulps down more of his whiskey.

“And… are you?”, Chris asks after a while, a little nonsensically.

“Am I what? Am I good at gay sex?” Sebastian asks brazenly, darkly amused as he watches Chris wince at his forward choice of words. “Well, I’ve got limited experience, but I haven’t had any complaints. I like it a lot, that usually counts for something.”

Chris shifts uncomfortably on the couch. “Right, yeah, I guess that uh… yeah that, that does help”, he stammers.

Sebastian blames the slightly perverse pleasure he gets from making Chris squirm like this on his inebriated state, and even now he’s sure he’s going to regret it in the morning. That doesn’t mean he’s not going to try and make the most of it.

“It does”, he agrees. “And I’ve also found it helps if you’re vocal.”

Chris looks fascinated despite himself. “You mean like… loud?”

“That, too”, Sebastian nods, “but what I mean is I’m not afraid to say what I want and what I like. In my experience men respond better to that sort of thing than women.”

Chris swallows audibly. “And do you, um… are you a – ” He screws up his face and pinches the bridge of his nose, clearly frustrated at his own lack of eloquence.

But Seb can guess where this is going, and he lets the emboldening effect of the alcohol take over for a moment. “I prefer bottoming”, he says plainly, “but I have been known to top on occasion, too.”

Chris makes a strangled sound that he quickly turns into a cough. “Okay, that’s - that’s cool. Thank you for – for – telling me”, he says breathlessly, looking flustered and like he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself.

Sebastian waits to see if he says anything else, but Chris just stretches with an exaggerated groan and starts to get up from the couch.

“Yeah”, Sebastian says belatedly, running a hand through his hair again and finishing the last of his whiskey. He can’t help but feel a little disappointed by the sudden end to their heart-to-heart, but even just talking about these things with Chris is more than he could ever have hoped for. Like most straight men, talking about gay sex clearly throws Chris for a loop, but it doesn’t seem like he’s grossed out by any of it. He even asked questions.

Nevertheless, he’s clearly feeling a little uncomfortable now, so Sebastian isn’t all that surprised when he yawns and says, “I don’t know about you but I’m about ready for bed, I think.”

Seb agrees easily, even if it’s just to allow Chris an escape. As he follows him down the hallway towards their respective bedrooms, Sebastian can't help but stare at Chris’s ass in his shorts. He feels pretty guilty about it, though. If Chris knew Seb was lusting after him like this, he'd probably feel a lot more uncomfortable than he is now. Good thing he'll never know.

 

***

 

As would surprise exactly no one, Chris lies awake for most of the night. His mind helpfully conjures up images of Sebastian in the throes of ecstasy, making it exceedingly difficult for him not to give in to the powerful urge to touch himself. He keeps going over their conversation, helplessly imagining Sebastian lying on his back on a hotel bed with his long legs spread, his hand gripping the dark hair of the man between his thighs and his face screwed up in pleasure.

Or Sebastian on his knees in front of a man who’s leaning back against a wall, bobbing his head up and down while moaning wantonly around the cock in his mouth.

Or even Sebastian with his ass in the air, gripping a pillow and crying “harder, please, please, _fuck_ ” while some faceless man thrusts into him from behind.

It is at this point that Chris gives up trying to do the right thing. He slips his right hand down his torso and palms himself through his underwear, groaning at the instant relief it provides. He’s embarrassingly hard. Every fantasy he’s ever had about Sebastian – and there are many – has suddenly entered into the realm of possibility and is revived simultaneously and in technicolor.

Despite feeling stupidly guilty towards the man currently asleep in the next room, the fact that Sebastian is so close paradoxically also serves to increase his arousal tenfold. He finally takes himself in hand, starting off slowly but his strokes turning frantic after only a minute, and it doesn’t take long before he’s coming hard all over his fist, biting the bunched-up sheet in his mouth to muffle his cries.

 


	4. Wednesday

Wednesday morning. Chris opens his eyes and just lies in bed for a moment, trying to hold on to the dream he’d had about Sebastian in which they’d been cuddling on the couch, Seb’s head resting in Chris's lap while he pet his hair. Call him a sap, but he honestly craves shit like that. Like always, the dream fades too quickly and leaves him with nothing but a hollow sensation in his chest.

As soon as he remembers last night’s conversation, however, he goes from melancholy to achingly hard in no time at all. He groans into his pillow. How is he supposed to get through the day when he can’t even think about Seb without getting excited, let alone look at him in the eye and hold a conversation with him? He screws his eyes shut and pushes his balled-up fists to his face, willing away the frustration headache that he can feel building behind his eyes.

Okay. He can do this. He just needs to get himself together and keep acting the way he always has. Nothing is fundamentally different now, after all. So now he knows that Sebastian likes men – that doesn’t change the fact that he’s clearly not interested in Chris that way, or he would’ve surely made some sort of move in all of the time they spent together over the past years. Chris can’t let this new discovery go to his head, or he’ll never be able to keep hanging out with Sebastian without giving the game away and risk losing his friendship altogether. He can’t let that happen.

He resolves to act as though nothing has changed and to do his utmost to keep his emotions in check when Sebastian is around. When he steps under the shower spray and looks down, though, he figures that a raging hard-on will probably not help him act normal.

Well, one more time probably can’t hurt.

\---

Sebastian is already up when Chris walks into the kitchen; not surprising given it’s almost noon. He looks annoyingly well-rested and fresh-faced, reading an old National Geographic that Scarlett keeps in a magazine rack in the living room and sipping on his coffee.

At Chris’s entry, Seb looks up and gives him a soft smile. Chris feels his resolve crumbling instantly as he’s gripped by the acute urge to bow down and cup Sebastian’s face between his hands, trace his cheekbones with the tip of his nose and kiss him breathless. He doesn’t do any of that, of course. Instead, he goes to pour himself a coffee.

“You don’t look nearly as hungover as you should”, he comments, his tone laced with mock annoyance.

“Drank a few glasses of water before I went to bed and I’ve already had breakfast”, Sebastian explains with a grin. “Have your coffee and some eggs and I promise you’ll feel better.”

Chris puffs and drags a hand over his face before pulling a face and shaking his head like a wet dog. “I sure hope you’re right.”

They sit at the breakfast table for a while in what Chris hopes comes across as a comfortable silence and not one that screams ‘I jerked off thinking about you last night and again just now in the shower’, before his phone starts buzzing where it’s lying on the kitchen counter. He gets up with a groan and prays the call isn’t work related – he’s really not in the mood for any of that at the moment.

He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees the caller ID.

“Scottie”, he greets, after bringing the phone to his ear.

“Yo bro!”, comes Scott’s lively voice over the line. “How’s tricks?”

“Can’t complain”, Chris grins, a warm feeling in his chest at the familiarity of the exchange. “You still missing the kiwi life?” Scott and his boyfriend Tom spent the past few weeks with friends in New Zealand and only came home a few days prior.

“Ugh, I can’t wait to go back there, actually”, Scott sighs. “But anyway, that’s not why I called. Mom told me last week that you’re staying in some cabin in the woods, all by your lonesome like the drama queen that you are, so I’ve decided that Tom and I will come and keep you company tonight. We’ll be arriving around five. Just so you know.” 

Chris throws Seb an alarmed look, to which he responds by cocking his head questioningly.

“Oh, hey, Scott”, Chris starts, “you know that I’d love to see you, but I actually already have company, so there’s really no need for you to come and save me.”

“Chris, you sly dog”, Scott whistles, sounding impressed. “Already found a new girl who agreed to spend a week in a cabin in the woods with you, huh? I gotta say, bro, you play harder than I gave you credit for.”

“No, man, it’s not - it’s not like that”, Chris protests feebly, trying not to look at Seb. “It’s actually Sebastian. He has some time off, too, so we’re just hanging out together for a bit.”

Sebastian and Scott have never met, but Chris has told Seb a lot about Scott over the years and Scott in turn has heard plenty of set stories about Sebastian. 

“Even better”, Scott says. “I’ll finally get to meet the handsome devil. Besides, we have to show you _all_ our travel slides, you’re gonna love it.”

Chris groans, but before he can protest any more, Scott says decisively, “Right, that’s settled then. You just worry about making sure the beer’s cold and we’ll bring barbecue supplies. See you in a few, bro!” and hangs up on him.

Chris frowns at his phone before turning to Sebastian. “So… I guess Scott and his boyfriend are coming over at five.” He gives a helpless shrug. “I’m sorry, I tried to tell him he didn’t need to keep me company because you're here but, you know, that’s Scott for you.”

Sebastian seems unconcerned. “No, that’s great”, he smiles, eyes lighting up. “I’ve wanted to meet him for ages, you know that.”

“Well, looks like the feeling is mutual”, Chris mutters. “I’m not sure if I should be touched or worried but I think I’m leaning towards the latter.”

Sebastian gives him a boyish grin that makes Chris’s knees feel weak, before he stands up.

“Right”, Seb says, “I’m going to try some of that exercise that you’re so fond of. I’ll be at the back if you need me”, and with a last smile over his shoulder leaves Chris standing alone in the kitchen.

Chris sighs and looks down at the phone that’s still in his hand. He’s not sure if Scott is planning on spending the night, but since it’s a distinct possibility – he did specifically mention beer, after all – he should probably phone Scarlett to make sure she’s okay with another two people staying in her private cabin.

She picks up on the fifth ring.

“Hey, handsome”, Scarlett drawls in her distinctive, slightly hoarse voice. “Can’t find the vacuum cleaner?”

Chris snickers. “Don’t need one, I’ve got Dodger”.

“Of course. What can I do for you then?”, she asks, direct as per usual.

“Yeah so, I just wanted to check with you if it would be okay for a few people to stay over tonight? Nothing wild, just probably a barbecue and some beers, you know?”

“Sure thing, Chris’, she agrees easily. “Anyone I know?”

Chris feels himself start to blush, feeling caught out. “Uh, actually, I should’ve told you earlier, but Seb’s been staying here for the past two days.” He cringes inwardly. “I figured you wouldn’t mind since you know him, but I realize now that I should’ve checked.”

“Are you kidding me?”, Scarlett asks incredulously. “Of course I don’t mind, this is the best news I’ve had all week.”

“It is?”, Chris asks, confused.

“Yeah, I thought you’d never get your head out of your ass.”

He lets out an indignant noise. “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

He can practically hear Scarlett roll her eyes. “Oh, don’t give me that. You know what I mean. You’ve been evading Sebastian for months, it’s high time you stopped hiding and did something about it.”

Chris starts spluttering unattractively. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. We’ve just both been busy and now happen to find ourselves with some time off and in the same corner of the world, that’s all.”

“Cut the crap, Chris”, Scarlett sighs. “Are you seriously going to deny that you went out of your way to avoid him after the end of filming? It’s literally the most transparent thing you’ve ever done, and you’re an open book anyway. Well, to me you are”, she amends after a pause.

He should’ve known that Scarlett would see right through him. She’s scary like that.

Chris walks over to the kitchen window overlooking the patch of grass behind the house where Sebastian is currently doing lunges, apparently intent on disabling his higher brain functions entirely.

“Now why would I do that?”, he tries weakly; one last-ditch attempt at denying her accusations. She doesn’t let him get away with it, though – of course not.

“Come on.” There’s a finality to her voice that sends a shiver of dread down his spine. “I know you. I know you very well, actually, and I’ve been waiting for you to come and talk to me about this. But since you haven’t, I’m just going to come out and say it, for your own sake.” She takes a deep breath. “Chris, you’ve been pining after that boy for _years_. Probably even since the day you met him.”

Even though he saw it coming, Chris still feels like he’s doused in cold water.

“I -” He’s horrified to find his voice breaks. He tries again. “I don’t…” Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he ignores the warning sirens going off inside his head. “Do you think he knows?”, he asks quietly, once he's composed himself as much as he knows how under the circumstances.

“Astonishingly, I actually think he doesn’t”, Scarlett says dryly.

Chris feels briefly relieved, but it’s short-lived since the anxiety is already building in his chest with renewed fervor.

“He can’t know, Scar”, he pleads. “He’d think I was some kind of creep, lusting after him all this time while pretending to be his friend.”

“You _are_ his friend”, Scarlett soothes, “you just also want to suck his dick.”

Chris whines. “This isn’t funny, Scarlett.”

“You’re right, it’s actually tragic. And it’ll be even more tragic if you don’t use this time you’re spending alone together to tell him how you feel. Just _talk_ to him, Chris”, she urges. “It’s bad enough that Marvel's too cowardly to just come out and say that Steve and Bucky are in love. Be better than Marvel, Chris. Be _brave_.”

“You know I can’t do that, Scar. It would ruin our friendship and I _can’t_ lose him.” He knows he’s being dramatic, but he can’t help himself; he always feels things so very deeply, it's just how he's wired. “I tried to get by without him but I just… I can’t.” He's tearing up now, so he squeezes his eyes shut and tries to take a few more deep breaths.

Sighing, Scarlett says, “I know, Chris, I get it. Look, I’ve tried for a long time to let you make your own mistakes” – despite his distress, Chris snorts – “and I tried to respect your decision to distance yourself even though I disagreed with it, but I can’t deny I’m happy that you two are hanging out again. What I don’t get is why you think telling him would ruin your relationship?”  

“Like I said, he’d just think I was some sort of pervert”, Chris says dejectedly.

“Okay, this might sound wild, but have you ever considered that perhaps he might feel the same way about you?”, she asks in the voice she would use to explain to a child that the candle on their birthday cake is hot and they shouldn’t put their finger in it.

“He doesn’t.” Chris knows he doesn’t.

“How do you know? If you’re going to say that he’s not into guys, then I hate to break it to you but he totally is.” Scarlett sounds kind of smug.

Chris groans. “I know.”

Scarlett makes a surprised noise. “He told you?”

“Well, sort of. I accidentally saw something on his phone yesterday – ”

“Was it a dick pic?”, she interrupts gleefully.

“What? No! No, god, it was just a message. But like, a booty call. From a man.”

“Oh my god”, Scarlett breathes. 

“Yeah. So we got drunk last night and I asked him about it, and he told me that he’s also into guys and that he’d been having a fling with this model, but that they're done now. And before you ask, I’m not going to tell you who it is.”

“No need, I’m pretty sure I know who it is. God, they would make such beautiful babies together...”, she says dreamily.

Chris can’t help but sound a little bitter when he says, “Yes, well. The point is, none of this matters. So Seb likes men – doesn’t mean he likes me. ‘Cause he doesn’t. If he did, he would’ve done something about it, wouldn’t he”, he intones flatly.

“Boys are so stupid.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”, Chris hears himself ask for the second time in the span of just a few minutes.

“I’m gonna let you figure that one out for yourself. This is giving me a headache. Anyway, who else is coming over tonight?”

Welcoming the subject change with both hands, Chris quickly replies, “Oh yeah, Scott and his boyfriend.”

“Oh good, maybe _he_ can make you see sense. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have important acting business to attend to.” In a gentler voice, Scarlett adds, “Bye Chris. Please promise me you’ll think about what I said.”

Chris’s eyes find Sebastian’s form again, tracing his movements and feeling the familiar curl of want unfold in his gut. “Sure. Whatever makes you happy, Scar.”

“This isn’t about my happiness, Chris. I’ll speak to you soon.”

“Bye, Scarlett”, Chris says, but she’s already hung up on him.

\---

Chris spends the afternoon tidying up the cabin and taking Dodger for a walk, while Sebastian lounges on the grass reading a book.

Shirtless.

Chris understands that he’s is just trying to catch a tan, but it kind of feels as if Seb's trying to test the limits of his self-restraint. In addition, there's a low-key anxious hum under his skin for most of the day from being called out by Scarlett, and he prays that Sebastian doesn't notice that he’s acting a little off.

It’s just gone five when he hears the tell-tale sound of a car making its way up the driveway. It honks twice, sending Dodger into a barking fit, and Chris follows his dog outside to greet their guests. Scott gets out of the car first, immediately throwing his arms out towards his brother to pull him into one of the bear hugs the Evanses are renowned for.

“It’s good to see you, Chris.” Scott’s voice is muffled since he’s speaking into Chris’s shoulder.

“Good to see you, too, Scott”, Chris says with a warm smile, giving his brother a final clap on the back before pulling back. He then turns to Tom, Scott’s boyfriend of four years, whose hug is a little less handsy but no less warm.

“Hey man, how’ve you been?”, Chris greets him with a wide smile. Tom’s looking trendy as ever with his short, platinum blond hair, nose ring and bright, colorful t-shirt.  

“Not too shabby. Congrats on the play, dude. Sorry I couldn’t come and see it but I heard it was amazing. And the mustache was legendary”, Tom grins.

Chris rolls his eyes and huffs good-naturedly. “I got sent so many scripts for porn flicks, you don’t even know.”

Scott covers his ears, joking, “None of that please, thanks.” Looking around, he then asks “So where is the wonderful Sebastian I’ve heard so much about?

Chris lifts one shoulder. “Last I saw him he was reading at the back of the house.”

“Alright, let’s go find him then”, Scott says as he rubs his hands together and stalks purposefully towards the path that leads around the cabin to the back, Dodger hot on his heels. Tom motions for Chris to follow Scott as he goes to grab the bags from the car.

Chris hurries after his brother, anxious, for some reason, not to have him accost Sebastian unsupervised. He rounds the house just as Scott is making his way towards the form on the grass. Sebastian seems to be asleep, lying on his back, head at a slightly awkward angle and three of the fingers of his left hand wedged between the pages of the book he’d been reading.

“Psstt! Scott”, Chris whispers urgently, waving his hands to get his brother’s attention.

Scott looks back at him questioningly, so Chris continues in a low voice, “Wait a sec. Let me do it, you’re gonna startle him.”

Scott lifts his hand in surrender, signaling for him to go ahead, so Chris crouches down next to Sebastian. Suddenly, he’s unsure of how to proceed. He clears his throat softly.

“Seb”, he whispers.

Nothing happens.

“Sebastian”, he repeats, a little louder. Still nothing. He tentatively reaches out his right hand, hovering it awkwardly over Seb’s head, before very gently stroking his hair. Sebastian stirs then, opening his eyes slowly and blinking sluggishly a few times. When his eyes land on Chris’s face, he gives him a sweet, drowsy smile.

“Hi”, he croaks out sleepily, and Chris’s heart does a funny thing inside his chest. _This man._

He smiles lopsidedly at Seb in return. “Hey, sleepyhead. Scott and Tom are here, I thought you might wanna come and say hi?”

“Hmm.” Sebastian slowly sits up. Still shirtless. Chris probably stares at Sebastian’s chest for a beat too long, but fortunately the other man is still too busy rubbing the sleep from his eyes to notice. Then he remembers that his brother is standing only a few feet away and quickly turns his head to look at him. Scott slowly raises an eyebrow, and Chris feels caught out – again.

“What?”

Scott shrugs amenably. “Nothin’.”

Chris looks back at Sebastian, who’s gotten to his feet, and says, “Seb, this is my brother Scott. Scott, Seb.”

Scott steps forward, giving Sebastian a very conspicuous once over while shaking his hand.

“Ah, now I see what all the fuss is about”, he says impishly.

Sebastian takes it in good humor and grins back at him. “Likewise.”

Chris looks between the two men, then narrows his eyes. “I was worried you two would get along.”

\---

Scott and Tom have brought enough barbeque supplies to feed a small army. Chris helps his brother set up the grill on the grass, while Tom and Sebastian set the table on the patio, chatting animatedly about some band that they’re apparently both into.

“Tom looks happy”, Chris says. “I take it New Zealand agreed with you both, huh?”

Scott watches his boyfriend over on the patio with soft eyes. “It’s been really good to get away for a while. Tom was completely in his element of course, surrounded by kiwi hipsters.” 

Chris snorts. “I can imagine. I feel like his hair gets blonder and his shirts louder every time I see him.”

“You gotta admit though, he pulls it off.”

“Oh, I’m not saying he doesn’t”, Chris laughs. “Tom’s brilliant, you know we all love him.”

“Yeah, I know. I hit the jackpot with this one, huh?”, Scott smiles, eyes shining.

They’re silent for a moment. Then, Scott casually says, “Sebastian seems cool.”

Chris hums. “Yeah, he’s the best.”

“Very handsome, too.”

“Well, I guess you’d know”, Chris replies noncommittally.

Scott scoffs. “Oh, come on, you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”

Chris continues flipping burger on the grill to keep himself busy. He doesn’t like where this is going.

“I mean, yeah”, he says, “of course he’s a good-looking dude, he’s like, a Hollywood heartthrob. That’s sort of a given.”

“Right”, says Scott, “I see how it is.”

Before Chris can ask what the hell he means by that, Scott calls to Tom to come and get the first batch of burgers. Tom bounds over with a plate and Chris dutifully slides the burgers on there.

Taking the plate from Tom’s hand, Scott says, “Your turn to help this doofus. I think I'll just keep Sebastian company for a little while.”

Chris’s unease at the situation suddenly grows exponentially, but there’s really nothing he can do about it right now. Tom and he make conversation for as long as it takes for the rest of the meat to cook, but Chris can feel his attention wandering. He keeps stealing glances at the men on the patio, annoyed that he can’t hear anything that’s being said. It looks like they’re having a great time though, the two of them giggling like school boys every other sentence.

As soon as the last of the food is done, he makes his way over do the dinner table and sits down demonstratively across from Sebastian.

“What were you guys talking about?”, he asks, trying to sound casual instead of perturbed.

Sebastian waves a hand. “Oh, you know, Scott was just telling me about New Zealand. I’ve only ever been to Australia, I was curious about the differences.”

Chris shoots Scott a skeptical look, but his brother looks perfectly at ease, helping himself to potato salad. Chris curses his luck at being surrounded by actors – he can never tell when he is being bullshitted.  

When Tom joins them at the table, Scott immediately pulls his boyfriend onto his lap and burrows his face in his neck. He’s not usually so affectionate in public, but Chris figures it must be a remnant of the romantic holiday they spent together.

But when, over the course of the meal, Scott kisses Tom’s hand, nuzzles the side of his face and calls him by at least four different pet names, Chris begins to suspect that he is doing it on purpose for some reason. He just can’t figure out why. Is his brother trying to see if it’ll make Sebastian uncomfortable? Chris frowns down at the table. Scott should really know better after everything Chris has told him about his friend.

Sebastian himself seems completely unfazed by it all, happy to joke with Scott about something or other and smiling indulgently at their guests’ PDA.

By contrast, Chris is getting more anxious by the second. It’s not that he’s bothered by seeing his brother shower his boyfriend in affection, but all the lovey-doveyness is making him itch to grab Sebastian’s hand under the table. He keeps glancing at Seb involuntarily, childishly eager to catch every soft smile and every moment his eyes light up because of a particularly good anecdote.

The desire to touch him grows so strong at one point that Chris’s hand reaches out without his permission to brush a stray crumb from Seb’s cheek. At Seb's slightly startled look, Chris jerks his hand back instantly, a blush is already starting to creep up his neck. He gets up abruptly, his chair scraping back with a loud screech. _Way to not draw attention to yourself, Chris_.

“Anyone want another beer?”, he asks in a too-loud voice, and without waiting for a reply practically flees to hide out inside the cabin until his face has decided to stop impersonating a tomato.

Damn his fair skin.

When he’s reached the sanctuary of the kitchen, he leans his hands on the counter, hanging his head and taking a few deep breaths to gather himself.

“Everything okay?”, Scott’s voice suddenly comes from behind him.

Chris jumps. “God, Scott, you startled me”, he says accusatively.

“Bad conscience?”, Scott smirks.

Chris doesn’t dignify that with an answer and glares at his brother instead.

“What’s with the PDA, Scott? I told you Sebastian’s a really laid-back guy, I don’t appreciate you trying to get a rise out of him. He’s a guest here, too.”

“It wasn’t him I was trying to get a rise out of”, Scott says cryptically.

“Then what the hell are you playing at? You invited yourself over and now that you’re here, you’re just making a spectacle of yourself.”

Scott throws up his hands. “Look, I’m sorry, alright?”, he says soothingly. “I’m not trying to make anyone uncomfortable. I’m just trying to show you how great life can be with a partner that’s _right_ for you, you know?”

Chris rolls his eyes in exasperation. “Don’t you think I know that? I’ve been for looking someone like that for forever, as you well know. But some of us apparently just aren’t meant to have that.” He sounds sullen even to his own ears.

“Come on. You don’t really believe that, do you?”, Scott asks him frankly. “Someone like you, with so much love to give? There’s someone out there for you, Chris, I don’t doubt it for a second.”

Chris immediately feels bad for snapping at his brother. He’s just trying to look out for him, after all. He rubs his eyes tiredly. “I don’t know, bro. I guess some things just aren’t meant to be.”

Scott puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently and ducking his head to catch Chris’s eye. “Or maybe you just haven’t been looking in the right places”, he says meaningfully. “Or for the right kind of person.”

Chris just watches him for a moment, a frown on his face. What is he implying?

Scott, who seems to take Chris’s silence as encouragement, continues, “Have you ever considered that maybe you already know the person that you’re meant to be with? But just never realized they were an option?”

Chris is about to open his mouth to ensure Scott that, trust him, he’s considered _all_ options, but is interrupted by Sebastian poking his head into the kitchen.

“You boys alright in here? Tom and I were just wondering what happened to those beers,” he smiles cheekily.

Chris chuckles. “We’ll be out in a sec, Sebby.”

When he’s gone, Chris gives his brother a closed-mouthed smile and says, “Look, I appreciate you trying to look out for me Scott, I really do. But I just got out of a relationship, and this is just not the right time to be talkin’ about these kinds of things.”

Scott shakes his head. “I think this is exactly the right time, as a matter of fact. But I hear what you’re saying. I’ll tone it down, I promise.”

“Thank you”, Chris tells him sincerely, then turns around to grab some cold beers from the fridge.

\---

The rest of the evening is filled with banter, games and more beers. Sometime after midnight, after they’ve moved inside, Scott and Tom get caught up in a discussion of something Chris doesn’t know enough about to participate, so he goes to sit down next to Sebastian on the other couch instead. Seb drops his head against the backrest, turning his face to look at Chris with a soft, sleepy smile.

“Hey”, he murmurs.

“Tired?”, Chris asks him, smiling back.

“Little bit. I don’t know why though, I had a nap this afternoon”, Seb yawns.

Chris resists the urge to lean over and kiss his forehead. “I think it’s because you’re winding down”, he muses. “You’ve been so busy lately, and now that you have some time off your body is telling you to rest.”

“Is that so, Dr Phil?”, Sebastian drawls good-naturedly, elbowing Chris gently in the side.

Huffing a laugh, Chris also lets his head fall back. When he turns it to the side, he’s startled by how close their faces are. There’s just a few inches between them now. Sebastian’s also got his eyes open, and for a while they watch each other silently; Chris struggling to read what he sees in Seb’s eyes while trying not to give away too much in his own. The moment stretches beyond the bounds of propriety, but Chris figures he can always blame it on the beer, if need be. He’s too transfixed by Sebastian’s steel blue gaze to break the spell.

After a few seconds longer, however, Seb sighs softly and closes his eyes. Feeling vaguely disappointed, Chris releases a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and he sits up a little straighter, though not moving from his spot, unwilling to give up the comfortable closeness just yet.

They just sit there for a while, content to let the sounds of Scott and Tom’s hushed discussion drift over their heads. Chris startles a little when he suddenly feels Sebastian’s head come to rest on his right shoulder, before he realizes that he must have dozed off. He debates for a moment whether he should wake Seb, or maybe get up, but the indecisiveness fixes him in place.

Chris turns his head minutely, just enough to be able to glance at the man currently sleeping peacefully on his shoulder. Sebastian looks positively angelic like this, the creases in his forehead and laughter lines around his eyes all smoothed out by sleep. He carefully catalogues Seb’s features, taking full advantage of the opportunity to stare unabashedly for once, and eventually his eyes come to linger on the elegant curve of his mouth. Unconsciously, Chris licks his own lips. What he wouldn't give to kiss Sebastian right now, to press soft, gentle kisses to his lips until he'd wake up with a smile. Just the thought makes Chris smile, too.

When he finally looks up again, he notices that the room has gone quiet. He tentatively glances over to where his brother is sitting on the other couch, only to find him already watching him.

Scott’s eyes are soft, and Chris’s stomach gives a painful lurch as he realizes that the game is up. Scott knows.

He gives his brother an imploring look, willing his eyes to convey everything he can’t say out loud, and Scott’s slight smile says he seems to understand. Tom is leaning against him, ostensibly looking at something on his phone, but it rather feels like he’s giving the two brothers a private moment.

After a minute though, Scott seems to decide the time for heartfelt emotions is over, and he slowly brings up both hands, fingers pressed together to form a heart. He then squeezes one eye shut and peers at Chris and Seb through the hand-heart with the other. Chris rolls his eyes so hard he thinks he sees the back of his skull, then covers them with a hand to hide his face from further scrutiny. The movement is enough to wake Sebastian, who lifts his head drowsily.

“What time is it?”, he croaks.

“Time for bed, I think”, Chris softly replies. Turning to Scott and Tom he adds, “You guys can have my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Scott scoffs. “There are two perfectly good king-sized beds in this house, there’s no need for anybody to sleep on the couch.”

Sebastian, by this point, has regained consciousness enough to yawn, “Yeah, I don’t mind Chris”, already getting up and making his way to his bedroom. As it dawns on him what everyone is implying, Chris’s eyes go wide. He suddenly feels like he’s about to have a panic attack. 

“I can’t – we can’t… Scott!”, he hisses. But Scott just ignores him, pulling Tom to his feet and towards the bedroom. “Sleep tight, brother dear”, he calls over his shoulder, throwing him a wink.

Chris stares after them, trying to decide whether to insist on sleeping on the couch anyway or to just get in bed with Sebastian. Just the idea sends him reeling, but after a few minutes deliberation, he has to concede that protesting too much would only make things more awkward and suspicious. He sighs in defeat, goes to turn off all the lights and lock the doors, and slowly makes his way towards Sebastian’s bedroom.

When he enters, the room is silent. The little bedside lamp casts a soft glow over Sebastian’s form, curled up on the left side of the bed under the thin, white sheet. Chris swallows. Too late to back down now.

He strips down to his boxers, feeling ridiculously self-conscious about it even though they’ve seen each other in swim shorts plenty of times and Sebastian is most likely already fast asleep anyway. However, when he’s turned off the light and slips under the sheet, careful not to make any noise or jostle the bed too much, Sebastian suddenly speaks up.

“I’m not gonna feel you up or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about”, he says softly, his voice betraying a note of hurt.

Chris silently curses himself and hastens to reassure him. “Shit, no Seb, it’s nothing like that, I swear. God, you can’t really think… ”, he starts, though he doesn't quite know how to continue without giving too much away.

“Well, what am I supposed to think, Chris? You’re acting like you’re on death row or somethin’.”

Chris’s mind races, trying to come up with some sort of explanation for his behavior that isn’t ‘I’m scared I won’t be able to keep my hands off you and accidentally clue you in on the fact that I’ve been in love with you for the past eight years.’ It’s not easy.

“It’s just…”, he says, still not really sure where he’s going with this. He takes a deep breath and goes with, “I’m a big cuddler, when I sleep. Some people hog blankets, and I just hog… people”, he says lamely, certain that Sebastian is going to call bullshit any minute now. But Sebastian stays silent, so Chris finishes, “So, I guess, if anything, it’s more that I’m worried I’ll touch you, when you probably don’t want me to.” It’s closer to the truth than he would have liked, but he hopes Sebastian doesn’t read between the lines too much.

When Sebastian finally turns his head to look at him, he feels more than sees his eyes roaming over his face in the dark, as if he’s trying to decide whether what Chris is telling him is true. Whatever he sees, it makes him smile, teeth gleaming dully in the moonlight coming in through a slit in the curtains.

“You could’ve just said, you know?”, he says softly. “As it happens, I’m a bit of a cuddler, too. So this could actually work out great for the both of us.”

Chris frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” says Sebastian, “tell me if it’s too weird for you, but you’re welcome to cuddle up to me, if you wanted to. Or the other way around. Just ‘cause, you know, I think it might help us both sleep better.”

When Chris doesn’t reply straight away, Seb turns his head away again.

“Or, you know, never mind. It was just an idea, it’s probably too –”

"No!", Chris interrupts him then, feeling terrible about once again making Sebastian think that he’d be uncomfortable touching him. “I mean, yeah, that...” He swallows audibly. “That could work.”

They’re both very still for a minute, before Sebastian tentatively asks, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, why not, right? Just some platonic cuddling, nothing weird about that”, Chris jokes weakly, more to reassure himself than Seb.

“Right”, Sebastian agrees easily. A beat of silence. Then he asks, “So… how do you want to do this? Do you want me to…” He trails off.

Chris steels himself and shifts closer to Sebastian. “Lift your head”, he orders. When Seb does as he’s told, Chris slips his right arm under his neck and pulls him to his chest. Sebastian rolls onto his side easily, resting his cheek on Chris’s bare chest and throwing his right arm over his middle.

“Comfy?”, Chris asks, holding his breath. He can feel the slight scratch of Sebastian’s stubble on his skin and hopes he isn’t bothered by his chest hair. _He’s slept with men before_ , his brain helpfully reminds him.

“Hmm”, Seb agrees. Then after a moment, “Although it would be even more comfy if you’d relax a little.”

Chris lets out a breathy laugh. “Sorry.”

He knows his heart is beating a hundred miles an hour and he hopes, futilely, that Sebastian won’t notice. While he’s willing his muscles to relax by breathing steadily through his nose, he catches a whiff of Seb’s hair; a hint of coconut and then something that’s just Sebastian, something that lights a fire down low in his belly. He closes his eyes and idly wonders how on earth he ended up in this situation. Sebastian is breathing in soft puffs on his skin, his breath evening out before long. He must’ve been exhausted.

Chris’s heart feels about ten sizes too big for his chest, like it might burst any minute - this is literally like one of his (PG-rated) dreams come true. He carefully, very slowly, brings his free hand up to gently brush his fingers through Sebastian’s hair. It’s every bit as soft as it looks.

For a few minutes, he lets himself pretend that Sebastian is his – that this is their bed, in the home they share together. Even though he knows he’s fooling himself, he lets the feeling of wholeness that this fantasy incites wash over him. And for the first time ever, Chris allows himself to wonder whether it would be worth it to tell him how he feels, if it could mean there would even be the slightest chance that Sebastian reciprocates his feelings and would want to be with him too.

He’s still scared shitless, mind you. The mere idea that Sebastian would turn him down, laugh at him, or worse, pity him, sends dread crashing through his system. But, if he’s being realistic, he knows that Seb would never laugh at him. And if he were to turn Chris down then he’d do so gently and kindly, and maybe they’d be able to find a way to remain friends. It wouldn’t be the same after that, of course, but at least then Chris would know where he stood and could maybe try to move on once and for all.

The more he thinks about it, the more he’s inclined to talk to Sebastian – he needs to know if he has a chance, however small. Chris drifts off feeling a little lighter, Sebastian snoring softly on his chest. It’s the best night’s sleep he’s had in a long time.


	5. Thursday

When Sebastian wakes up on Thursday morning, it takes him a few seconds to realize why he’s being spooned by a large, warm body, and who that body belongs to. The second he does, however, he tenses involuntarily, the movement also serving to bring something else to his attention. His eyes widen with the realization that what he can feel poking him in the hip is most definitely Chris’s morning wood. He blows out a slow breath. Rationally, he knows that it has nothing to do with him, and that this kind of thing happens when you’re a young-ish, red-blooded male, pressed close to another warm body, and yet he can’t stop the instinctive surge of arousal that floods through him at the discovery.

He tries to do the right thing and shift away, but as soon as he moves, Chris moves with him, chasing the contact. He even pushes his hips forward a little, pressing his erection more insistently to Sebastian’s ass with a happy little sound. Sebastian stifles a whimper and closes his eyes. He internally reasons that he's allowed enjoy the feeling for exactly ten seconds, before reminding himself sternly that Chris would be horrified if he knew what was happening, and that it would be wrong of him to take advantage of the situation. So he steels himself, and begins his extrication from Chris’s octopus grip. Chris grunts in his sleep and actually tightens his arms around him, making Seb screw his eyes shut in exasperation. He tries again, this time a little more forcefully, but now the movement accidentally wakes Chris up.

“Hmm?”, Chris hums, blearily opening his eyes and finally relaxing his grip. ”Wha’s it?”

“Go back to sleep”, Sebastian shushes. “Bathroom.” He quickly gets up and hurries out of the room, quickly closing the door behind him and leaning back against it with a soft sigh. He takes a few deep, steadying breaths before heading into the bathroom, where he pees, washes his hands and leans over the sink to throw some water in his face. He shakes his head at himself in the mirror. There’s no way he’s going back into the bedroom now, too afraid that he’ll lose his cool at seeing Chris all soft and sleep rumpled in the bed where he left him.

He makes his way to the kitchen instead, still barefoot and in just his boxers. Scott is already sitting at the breakfast table, sipping on a coffee and reading something on his phone. 

“Morning”, Seb greets him.

“Good morning”, Scott replies, looking up with a smile. “Sleep well?”

“Uh, yeah, fine. Thanks”, Sebastian says articulately, his brain clearly not yet working at full speed. He goes to poor himself some coffee to give it a kick start.

“Chris still out?”

Sebastian takes a cautious sip of his coffee and hums affirmatively. “Tom, too?”, he asks.

Scott smirks. “Yeah, I seem to have tired him out somewhat. What’s Chris’s excuse?”

Sebastian coughs into his fist when some of his coffee goes down the wrong pipe. He recovers quickly though, and manages a smirk back. “Good for you”, he tells Scott, evading the question.

Scott looks at him then with what can only be described as a leer. “You know”, he says, “don’t take this the wrong way, but if I wasn’t so disgustingly happy with Tom, I rather think I might have tried to make a move on you.” He grins devilishly and deliberately lets his eyes linger on Sebastian’s bare chest. “Anybody ever tell you you’re hot as fuck?”

Sebastian barks out a laugh, Scott’s easy manner making it impossible for him to take offense.

“Thanks”, he chuckles. “You’re not too bad yourself, you know. If I wasn’t already –“, then stops talking abruptly when he realizes what his sleep-addled brain was about to reveal. He sits down and stares at the table awkwardly for a few seconds, before finishing lamely, “Anyway, I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It was meant as one.” Scott pauses, picking at a grain in the wood of the table with a fingernail. “Hey, can I ask you a personal question?”, he asks after a minute. “I know I’m way too nosy for my own good, so don’t feel like you have to tell me anything. But a guy can ask, right?”

Sebastian narrows his eyes slightly, a little suspicious. “Sure”, he says finally. “Ask away.”

“You broke up with your girlfriend recently, correct?”

Sebastian nods slowly, wondering where this is going. It’s a good thing Scott literally just said that he was disgustingly happy with Tom, or he might have thought he was actually flirting with him.

“Yeah, it ran its course”, he replies. “We’re still friendly, but nothing more.”

Scott doesn’t offer any platitudes, instead continuing his line of questioning. “So, is there anyone special in your life at the moment?”

Sebastian huffs and replies vaguely, “Depends what you mean by special, I suppose.”

“Okay, let me rephrase”, Scott says. “Are you dating anyone at the moment?“

“Not dating, no.”

“But fucking “, Scott surmises bluntly.

Sebastian feels the tips of his ears burning but still replies, “I suppose so, yes. Although I’m pretty sure that’s run its course, too.”

“So you’re thinking about breaking up with him?”, Scott asks.

Sebastian shrugs. “Not really anything to break up. It was just more of a casual thing.”

When Scott stays silent, Sebastian looks up curiously. As soon as he sees the meaningful look Scott is giving him, his mind replays what he’s just said and his eyes widen in alarm.

 _Goddammit_. He can’t believe caffeine has betrayed him like this.

“Hey, don’t worry”, Scott placates. “Your secret’s safe with me. I know a thing or two about how hard things can be for folks like us in this business.”

Sebastian purses his lips and pushes out a long breath. No use in denying it anymore now, is there?

“Yeah, I suppose you do”, he admits reluctantly. “It’s not… I’m not ashamed of anything, you know? It just has the potential to be… massively complicated.”

Scott hums. “Especially for someone of your caliber.” He looks thoughtful, then asks, “But, for the right person, would you consider coming out as bi?”

Sebastian doesn’t even have to think about that one. Sure, it would be complicated, but if it meant he got to be with Chris then he’d do it in a heartbeat.

“Absolutely”, he says firmly.

Scott seems pleased by his answer. Understandable, seeing as he publicly came out himself a few years ago. “And I take it, from the conviction with which you answered that question, that you’ve already got some idea of who that right person could be?”, he asks slyly.

Even though the entire conversation has Sebastian on high alert, the question still catches him off guard.

“What are you saying?”, he asks, eyes narrowed.

“I’m not saying anything. I was just wondering if there’s anyone you’ve got your heart set on”, Scott says frankly.

“I don’t mean for this to sound rude”, Sebastian starts, aware that a sentence like that almost always does end up sounding rude, “but what’s it to you?“

Eyes fixed on the table top, Scott shrugs. “Maybe nothing.” Then he looks up, and pointedly says, “And maybe a whole lot.”

The two men stare at each other for a few seconds, before Sebastian cautiously asks, “Supposing I knew what you were talking about – what would your thoughts on the matter be? Hypothetically speaking, of course.”

Scott watches him with amusement. “Of course. Well, at the risk of sounding like a bad horoscope, I would encourage you to follow your heart.”

Sebastian tips his head back with a sigh. “You know as well as anyone that that way only heartbreak lies”, he says, twisting his Shakespeare a little to suit his purposes.

“Not necessarily”.

Confused, Sebastian looks back up at Scott and narrows his eyes. “Surely, in this specific, hypothetical case it would?“, he asks slowly.

“Like I said, not necessarily.” Scott gives him another meaningful look. “Trust me.”

Sebastian stares at him for a few moments, trying to understand what it is, exactly, that Scott is implying. But before he can ask anything else, he hears footsteps approaching in the hallway. A few moments later, Chris walks into the kitchen – freshly showered and looking far too edible in one of his trademark shorts and too-tight t-shirt combinations.

“Morning, boys”, he greets them both, before turning to the counter to make himself a cup of coffee. Sebastian’s gaze lingers on Chris’s ass for a few seconds, hopelessly one-track mind immediately going to places it shouldn’t, until he remembers he’s got company. He turns his head to look at Scott guiltily.

Scott arches an eyebrow and smirks at him, before finishing his coffee. “Right, I’m gonna take a shower and see if the hot stuff currently asleep in my bed wants to join me.”

“TMI, Scott”, Chris groans good-humoredly at his brother’s retreating back.

 

***

 

“Hey, Seb.”

“Hmm?”, Sebastian replies without looking up from the book he’s been reading since Scott and Tom left an hour or so ago. Something soft hits his head and lands across his face, which, when he picks it off, turns out to be a towel.

Chris grins at him, beautiful blue eyes sparkling. “Wanna go for a swim?”

Sebastian grins back. “Always.”

Dodger’s ecstatic, as usual, and the three of them spend a little while splashing around in the water near the house, throwing around tennis balls and frisbees and sticks. At one point, Sebastian attempts a particularly ambitious catch, and Chris nearly drowns laughing at the sound he makes as he falls backwards off the pier.

After an hour or two, they’re pleasantly tired and frankly hungry as hell. There are enough BBQ leftovers to make dinner, but they’ll need to do some grocery shopping tomorrow for the weekend. Dinner is had in front of the TV, watching old reruns of Star Trek, and Sebastian dozes off again, with his head at an awkward angle. After about twenty minutes, he jerks awake, groaning as he straightens. Daytime naps, dozing off in front of the TV, stiff neck… He really is getting old.

Chris looks up at the sound, brow furrowed. “What’s wrong?”, he asks.

Sebastian cracks his neck and groans again. “My neck hurts”, he whines a little pathetically.

“Aww”, Chris coos, and Sebastian gets the distinct impression he’s being made fun of. “That’s what you get when you sleep sitting up, old man.”

Sebastian pouts at him. “I think it may also have been that ninja save I tried to pull earlier on the pier.”

Chris snickers at the memory. “Yeah, that was pretty spectacular.” There's a pause, and then he clears his throat. “If you want, I could um…”

Sebastian gives him a questioning look. Chris blows out a quick breath before he continues. “I could give you a neck rub, if you like?” His eyes dart to Sebastian’s face, then down to his own hands, and he looks a little embarrassed. “I’ve been told I’m pretty good at it, so.”

It’s probably a bad idea, but the thought of Chris putting his big, strong hands on his body – even if it’s just his neck and not remotely near where he really wants them – has Sebastian’s brain formulating an answer before he can think it through properly.

“That’d be really great, actually.”

Chris nods, and gestures for Sebastian to sit down in the armchair.

“Take off your shirt”, he rumbles in his rich baritone. Sebastian goes warm all over at the order, suddenly relieved to be shedding some clothing. When his shirt’s off, he settles down in the chair while Chris disappears from the room briefly and comes back with a bottle of lotion in his hand.

“Doesn’t work as well dry”, he mumbles. Sebastian feels there’s a joke in there somewhere, but thinks that now might not be the time.

Chris goes to stand behind him and he hears him pop the cap off the bottle.

“Might be a little cold”, Chris warns, before placing his hands on Sebastian’s shoulders. He shivers at the feeling of Chris’s hands on his bare skin, but Chris, presumably thinking it’s the chilliness, apologizes anyway. As soon as he starts to work his thumbs into his trapezius muscles, Seb releases a hiss that turns into a low moan. He hangs his head forward a little, closing his eyes at the sensations flooding his body. It feels incredible. Two seconds in, and he's already decided none of his ex-girlfriends could compare.

“Okay?”, Chris asks after a while.

Sebastian hums in reply, then winces when Chris reaches a particularly sore spot, trying very hard not to make any more embarrassing sounds.

“Relax”, Chris tells him, halting his movements for a second. “You’re tensing your shoulders.”

Sebastian lets out a puff of air. “Sorry”, he apologizes. “It’s just… I’m trying to keep silent.” It’s a little embarrassing, but he’s sure Chris’ll understand.

Surprisingly, Chris just says, “Don’t then. It’s better if you just relax completely.”

Right. Of course.

Sebastian closes his eyes again, and this time, when Chris resumes his ministrations, he doesn't hold back the groan that’s pulled from his throat. Chris seems to double his efforts, his firm hands straying occasionally to Seb's back or the base of his scalp, and soon Sebastian couldn't have stayed quiet if he'd wanted to. He whimpers softly, high-pitched whines and low moans escaping him that would’ve normally left him mortified, but under Chris’s capable touch he can feel the last of the embarrassment fading fast, giving way to complete and utter relaxation. Chris has golden hands, and somehow this doesn't surprise Sebastian in the slightest.

After what feels like forever, Chris starts winding the massage down, dragging his slightly calloused palms down Seb's shoulders and back in long, slow strokes, before falling away completely.

Sebastian sighs deeply and hums, lifting his head.

"That was amazing, Chris", he breathes, sounding completely blissed out even to his own ears.

He hears Chris clear his throat behind him, but when he replies, "You're welcome", his voice still sounds strangely hoarse.

Curious, Sebastian turns around to look at Chris, and draws in a surprised breath.

Chris’s cheeks are tinged with red, his pupils so dilated that his eyes look dark. He’s breathing quicker than usual, and he looks not only stunning, but also more than a little aroused.

Transfixed at the sight, Seb slowly licks his lips. When Chris’s eyes track the motion, Sebastian’s own eyes widen a fraction, and without consciously deciding to do so, he slowly starts to get up from his chair, drawn to Chris like a moth to a flame.

The movement, however, seems to startle Chris. He sucks in a noisy breath and runs a hand through his hair.

“Right”, he says abruptly. “I’m just going to… take Dodger for his evening walk. I – I should be back soon, but don’t wait up for me.” He gives Sebastian a tight-lipped smile, only meeting his eye briefly before turning around and whistling for Dodger to follow him.

Sebastian is left standing shirtless in the middle of the living room, feeling a little cheated and a lot confused.

He’s not sure what happened just now and, despite having just received the best massage of his life, he’s suddenly too wired to analyze the situation properly. All he really wants to do right now is talk to Chris – ask him what’s wrong, maybe reassure him (and himself) that they’re okay. He’d looked so spooked just now, and Sebastian aches to think that he could have been the cause of that.

When Chris isn’t back after fifteen minutes, however, Seb’s about to buzz out of his skin. He _really_ needs to talk to someone. He mulls over his options, considering his friends in London before dismissing the idea because of the time difference. He doesn’t want to bother his mom or his therapist this late, so eventually he decides that Mackie is probably his best bet – talking to his friend and second favorite co-star has never failed to make him feel better, after all. Plus, Mackie knows Chris too and that’s bound to make this easier.

He goes to his bedroom and shuts the door. It’s just gone ten, so hopefully Mackie won’t have gone to bed yet.

He picks up almost immediately.

“Sexy sea bass, my man!”

Sebastian chuckles, feeling lighter already. “Mack Attack! What’s up, man?”, he smiles.

“Aw, you know, just put the kids to bed, now chillin’ on the couch with the wife and a nice glass of Cabernet.” He pauses. “Oh, who am I kidding, it’s a cup of tea. Exciting stuff.”

“I don’t know”, Sebastian replies cheekily, “It’s sort of what I’d expect a man your age to do anyway.”

Mackie huffs. “Hey now, you don’t get to pull that card for much longer. I seem to remember someone’s thirty-sixth birthday is coming up in a few days. It’s on Monday, right?”, Mackie asks.

“Yeah”, Sebastian sighs. “Don’t remind me.”

“You celebrating this weekend?” 

“Nah, not really. I’m actually..." He hesitates a moment before adding, "I’ve actually got this week off. I’m staying in Scarlett’s lake cabin right now.”

“Dude! How’d you wrangle that? If I’d have known that she lends that place to just any bum then I’d have asked a long time ago.”

Sebastian snickers. “You realize you just insulted yourself as well, don’t you? And anyway, I didn’t wrangle it, Chris did.”

“Chris is there, too?”, Mackie asks curiously.

Hoping it sounds casual, Sebastian says, “Yeah, he was already here and heard that I was in the neighborhood, so he invited me up.” 

Mackie hums. “So Mr Muscle’s back then? From his self-imposed exile?” He sounds a little salty about it.

“Yeah, we actually talked about all that”, Seb admits. “He’s just been really busy. But we’re all good now.”

“Hmm. Well, good. I mean, it would’ve been nice if he’d given me a call, too, but let’s assume he’ll get ‘round to that at some point.” Mackie is silent for a beat, before he asks, “So, it’s just the two of you, huh? How long for?”

Dammit. Why was everybody implying that it was strange for him and Chris to spend some time together? Alone. In a remote lakeside cabin. Didn’t people normally do that? He honestly can’t remember. Very little about this situation feels normal.

Sebastian swallows. “About a week? But Dodger’s here, too”, he replies lamely.

“Oh, Dodger’s there too, huh, that makes all the difference”, Mackie teases. “So you two aren't doing anything for your birthday?”

“Uh, I'm not sure, actually. We haven’t discussed it.”

Mackie sighs. “Man, what kind of lame ass shit is that? Your existence needs to be celebrated, Stan. You know what, leave it to me, I’ll throw you a little birthday bash on Monday, how ‘bout that?”

Sebastian chuckles. “Sure thing, Chocolachino. As long as it’s something low key. It is a Monday night and all.”

“Sure, sure”, Mackie says nonchalantly. “Well, what _have_ you guys been up to, then?”

Sebastian shrugs, even though Mackie can’t see him. “Not much actually, just some hiking, some swimming. Been reading a lot. Oh, Chris’s brother came by yesterday, with his boyfriend. We had a barbecue.”

“Okay, so you’re relaxing, that’s good, that’s good”, Mackie says approvingly. “But sounds to me like you need to get out for some fun, too.”

Sebastian sighs, picking on a loose thread on his shirt. “Yeah, maybe," he says. "I don’t know. I guess we could go into town again tomorrow. I mean, Chris actually seems a bit off right now, might do him good to have a change of scenery.” He cringes inwardly, knowing that it's a risk to bring it up, but he needs to talk to someone about it.

Mackie rises to the bait instantly. “A bit off how?”, he asks.

“Ah… Just, not quite like himself, I guess? He’s a little jumpy”, Seb tries to explain without giving too much away.

There’s a pregnant pause. Then, Mackie says, “Have you finally broken the guy?”

Sebastian huffs a surprised laugh. “Um. I don’t think so? Why would you say that?”

“Aw, Sebastian, come on. The two of you have always had a… _special_ relationship, I would say. You’ve gotta be aware of that.”

“I think we have a perfectly normal friendship, as it happens,” he says, sounding a little peeved.

“Nah, Vanilla Ice, what you and _I_ have is a perfectly normal friendship. Your thing with Chris is something very different”, Mackie insists.

“Okay, well, how is it different?”, Sebastian asks, thinking it would be really great if Mackie just came out with it and told him what his deal was already.

“You really need me to explain it to you, man?”

Seb rolls his eyes. “Apparently, yes.”

“Okay… you asked for it, brother.” Mackie inhales deeply, and says, “Sebastian, I hate to break it to you, but the sexual tension between the two of you is like… _off the scale_.”

Oh.

_Oh._

With the phone still pressed to his ear, Sebastian sits down heavily on the edge of the bed.

“Seb? You still there, man?”, Mackie asks him, sounding a little concerned now.

“Um. Yes”, he replies.

“Good. You okay?”

“Um. Fine.”

“Right. Okay, man, talk to me. Have I really told you something you didn’t already know?”, Mackie asks.

Sebastian shakes his head in disbelief. “Well, I guess I’m just a little shocked. I – I wasn’t aware that it was that obvious.”

Mackie chuckles. “Seb, ever since you told me a couple of years ago that you were also into dudes, I’ve been wondering when you were going to do something about your raging crush on Chris. You’re like the personification of the heart-eyes emoji when you’re around him.”

“Right.” Sebastian claps his free hand over his eyes. “I mean, I thought I was being discreet, but now you’re telling me everyone can see that I, like, _like him_ like him?”, he asks, like a complete teenager.

“Well, I wouldn’t say everyone. But definitely the people that have spent some time with just the two of you. And also all those people who make the weird ass fan videos.”

Sebastian decides not to ask Mackie how he knows about those videos.

“Do you think Chris knows?”, he asks suddenly, the possibility making his heart rate spike.

“Naw, dude”, Mackie is quick to reassure him. “That man is oblivious as fuck. It’s a good thing he’s cute.”

“He really is, isn’t he”, Sebastian sighs wistfully, a little elated at finally being able to say it out loud despite the panic attack hovering over his head.

“Yeah yeah, and he’s got the prettiest, bluest eyes in all the land, I know.” Sebastian can practically hear Mackie roll his eyes.

“And don’t even get me started on that ass…”, Sebastian says, only half joking.

“Yes, _thank you,_ Seb. That’s enough of that.”

Sebastian chuckles, before sobering up again. “It’s just…" he starts, "It’s not just physical attraction though, you know? That, I could deal with. But. I just think he’s the most _amazing_ guy. He’s so fuckin’ _sweet_ , Mackie. He’s just –”, Sebastian breaks off, a lump in his throat. God, when did he become such a sap? Oh, who is he kidding, he’s always been a sucker for romance.

“I know, dude”, Mackie says gently. “And trust me, he thinks the sun shines out of your ass, too.”

Sebastian huffs, scuffing his feet on the carpet. “Yeah, but he’s like that with everyone. The guy’s too good for this world, really. I just… I don’t know how much longer I can take him hugging me like _that_ when I know it’s all just platonic on his end.”

There's a beat of silence.

Then, Mackie incredulously says, “Excuse me?”

“I said, I don’t know – ”

“Yeah, no, I heard what you said," Mackie interrupts him. "What I don’t know is what the fuck you mean.”

Sebastian frowns in confusion. “Well, Chris hugs everyone, right? He doesn’t mean anything by it, he’s as straight as they come. I mean, I’m not gay, but I’m not _straight_ either, you know? Chris is just… really straight.” He’s not sure why he has to explain this to Mackie when it’s so obvious.

Mackie groans. “Sebastian, which part of the phrase ‘the sexual tension between the two of you’ did you not understand?”

“What?” Sebastian asks, his confusion growing by the second.

“Man…” Mackie huffs, a little exasperatedly. “Okay, whatever. Lemme spell it out for you then, if you insist on being thick. Chris Evans, _the man of your dreams_ , has the hots for you. He fancies the pants of you, as the British say. Probably literally, if he could get away with it. He’s crushin’ on you hard. He wants your ass. Hold up, that’s too weird, I’m gonna pretend I didn’t say that.”

“Wait, what? No, he doesn’t”, Sebastian splutters. Mackie must have been lying about that tea, he definitely sounds like he’s had a glass (or five) of something stronger.

“I’m pretty sure he does, my man”, Mackie says gravely. “It’s either that or he’s been cast in the sequel to Brokeback Mountain and he’s been practicing his pining gay act for years.”

“Anthony, what are you talking about? Chris isn’t gay.”

“Well, neither are you, right?”

“Yeah, but…”

“No buts! Just, listen to me for a second. Look, of course there’s a chance that I’m wrong, but I wasn’t in your case so I’m guessing I’m not where Chris is concerned either. You don’t have to take my word for it, but please, _please_ can I ask you to at least entertain the possibility? See what you think, now that you know what _I_ think.” Mackie exhales noisily. “I’ve just already spent too much time in the middle of all of y’alls pining. I think it’s time someone takes a little risk and makes a move. And by someone I mean you”, he clarifies, “because I think Chris is probably even more terrified than you are.”

Sebastian doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s having severe trouble wrapping his brain around what Mackie is telling him, trying and failing to imagine that Chris might actually like him back. But his mind replays the conversation he had with Scott yesterday, and he wonders....

The least he can do, for Mackie, for himself, is try and consider the possibility.

“Okay, Mackie. Okay," he sighs eventually. "I'll think about what you told me.”

“That’s all I’m asking.”

They hang up not long after, Sebastian feeling more confused than before the phone call, but also strangely hopeful. If there’s even the tiniest chance that Mackie’s right… The mere idea gives him goosebumps.

He hears Chris come home fifteen minutes or so later, but he decides to stay in his room. His head's too full right now. But as he's trying to calm down his racing mind to no avail, he does realize that there's really nothing for it but to try and find out if there’s any truth in what Mackie told him. He _has _to know.__ He doesn't have a clue yet as to how to go about it, but trusts that it'll come to him at some point. Tomorrow.

 

 


	6. Friday

The next morning, after a fitful night’s sleep interspersed with dreams about Chris – _thanks brain_ – Sebastian is relieved to find that the resolve from last night is still there. He’s nervous, both to see how Chris will be acting today after what happened last night as well as about the idea that he’s going to have to fish for Chris’s innermost thoughts about him. But he needs to know.

Chris is outside working out when Sebastian walks into the kitchen. He considers the best course of action for a minute before opening the window and casually calling out, “Hey! You had breakfast yet? I can make some waffles.” He hopes he’s not overestimating his kitchen skills with this one.

“I’d love some”, Chris calls back. His smile looks relaxed, so whatever it was that made him so tense last night seems to have been resolved, and Sebastian breathes a sigh of relief.

He whips up some waffles, thankful that the recipe he’s reading off his phone seems to be designed for four-year-olds. The sweet smell that fills the cabin and drifts outside lures first Dodger and then Chris into the kitchen.

“Hmm, smells good”, Chris says excitedly, rubbing his hands together. “I’m starving.” He looks so much like an excited dog right then that it’s hard to tell him and Dodger apart.

“Dig in”, Sebastian gestures at the table. “Coffee?”

“Yes, please.” Chris sits down, and while he’s filling his mug, Sebastian casually puts a hand on his shoulder. Chris looks up at him, a little surprised, but doesn’t say anything apart from expressing his thanks.

While they’re eating, Sebastian suddenly gets an idea.

“Hey”, he says, “I was thinking, it might be nice to get out of the house for a bit today, right?”

Chris hums, mouth full. He swallows. “Yeah, we’ve gotta go get some groceries anyway, so we could drive into town later?”

“Sure, yeah”, Seb nods. “But uh, I was also thinking that maybe we could go out tonight? To celebrate my birthday, in advance? And it’s a Friday night, we should do something fun.”

“Go out?”, Chris asks. “You mean, like, going for a drink somewhere?” 

“Yeah, and then maybe go to a club, for some dancing? I feel like letting loose a little, this is a vacation after all”, he reasons.

Chris looks a bit hesitant. “I don’t know, Seb. What happens if we get recognized again?”

“Well, then we go somewhere else, or we leave. Come on, Chris, you can’t let your life be dictated by your fears, isn’t that what they always say?”, Sebastian implores with his most persuasive, crooked grin.

Chris sighs, but he’s smiling, too. “Okay, fine. We’ll go dancing.”

Sebastian does a little fist pump, biting his lip in triumph. “Awesome. You know what, I’ll even go and get us some groceries later, that way you won’t have to go into town twice today.”

“You don’t have to do that, Seb”, Chris protests, but Sebastian waves it away.

“I don’t mind, honestly. You can just go for a run to Richmond, Virginia, or bench press some trees, or whatever it is that you crazy fit outdoorsy types do, and I’ll be back before you know it.”

Chris chuckles. “Alright, okay. Thanks, I guess.”

Sebastian just smiles cheerfully at him and finishes his waffles, feeling quite pleased with himself. This is working out pretty well so far.

\---

That afternoon, Seb takes the Jag and drives to the nearest town. He deals with the groceries first, then asks around for the best places for a night out. There’s a place called ‘Saga’ that’s meant to be good according to quite a few people, so he notes down the address in his phone. When that's done, he moves on to a clothing store that does stuff he usually likes, and finds a pair of black jeans – the tightest pair he can fit himself into without looking like he walked off the set of Made in Chelsea.

Next, he looks for a shirt. He tries on a few tight ones that stretch across his chest, but he figures in the end that that is more Chris’s thing. _And what a thing it is_ , he thinks dreamily. He settles on a thin, slightly see-through white t-shirt with a low neckline, through which, in the right light, you can definitely see his nipples. He then tries on the whole outfit for effect, and he has to admit that he looks damn good, if he does say so himself.

Mission accomplished, he drives back to the cabin.

He can’t see Chris right away, but he can hear him, singing along to some old country tune that he’s playing on the stereo. He actually has a great voice and Sebastian doesn’t hear it nearly often enough, so he stands there for a little while, just listening. When it starts feeling creepy, he rounds the corner and finds Chris touching up the paint on one of the walls that had been flaking slightly.

Chris is shirtless, the flannel button up that he’d been wearing tied around his narrow hips. His cap is backwards on his head, and the muscles in his arms and back ripple every time his brings up his arm to reach a higher spot. Sebastian swallows hard and suppresses a groan. Christ, this man is going to be the death of him.

He clears his throat to get Chris’s attention. Chris immediately turns around, eyes bright and smiling widely. “Hey, you’re back”, he says happily. “You got everything?”

“You betcha”, Sebastian smiles back. “You finish up here, I’ll try and rustle us up some food. Emphasis on try.”

To his surprise, Chris walks over to him then with his brush still in hand to give him a quick, one-armed hug. Sebastian holds his breath. He’s hugging a shirtless Chris Evans. This day really is shaping up excellently.

Chris pulls back and smiles warmly at him. “Have I told you you’re the best guest ever?”

Sebastian chuckles. “Once or twice, but feel free to tell me more often.”

He goes inside then to put the groceries away, quickly dropping off the bag with clothes in his own room before heading to the kitchen. From the kitchen window, he can just see Chris painting away.

 _Hot damn._ He’ll have to take care not to cut himself while chopping the veggies.

\---

After a very rudimentary dinner consisting of potatoes, meat and slightly overcooked carrots, they take Dodger for a walk since he’ll be home on his own all evening. They then each retreat to their own room to get ready to go out.

Sebastian takes a quick shower and spends longer than usual fixing his hair and shaving. He likes how he looks with a beard or a bit of scruff, but tonight he’s going for the pretty boy look. Somehow, he always looks about ten years younger when he’s clean shaven. He gets his new clothes from the bag next to the bed and dresses with care, lastly putting on his scuffed, brown leather boots to complete the look. He looks himself over in the full-length mirror on the inside of the wardrobe door and nods approvingly. That’ll do.

Grabbing his phone from the bed, he makes his way back to the living room.

Chris is already there, sitting on the couch and scrolling on his phone. When Sebastian walks in, he looks up.

With some satisfaction, Sebastian notes how Chris’s eyes widen and his mouth goes a little slack as he looks him over slowly, eyes lingering on his chest and thighs. Sebastian cheers internally, delighted by the reaction; however Chris really feels about him, this is a fairly convincing sign that he at least likes what he sees right now.

 _And right back at ya_ , thinks Sebastian. Chris is wearing a tight, black t-shirt and dark wash jeans, his hair artfully tousled instead of in his usual slicked back style. Huh. He’d taken the comment Seb had let slip to heart then.

“You look… that’s a, ah…” Chris clears his throat, tries again. “You look good, Seb.”

Well. It’s not a profession of everlasting love, but he’ll take it.

“Thank you. So do you”, says Sebastian, throwing in a wink for good measure. “Ready to go?”

Chris nods, the tips of his ears burning red. “The Uber is one minute away.”

The cab was Chris’s idea, since they won’t be able to drive back once they’ve had a drink. They both sit in the back, and in his peripheral vision, Sebastian can see Chris sneak glances at him every now and then. The next time he feels him looking, Seb turns his head and catches his eye. Chris abruptly looks forward again, bringing a hand up to the back of his neck and coughing once. Sebastian smirks, but decides to take pity on him and starts a conversation about something sports related, an opportunity which Chris takes gratefully.

When they reach their destination, they decide to grab a few beers first, Chris going with his usual lager while Sebastian opts for something a little darker. Sitting at the bar, they chat about everything and nothing. It’s easy, laid back, and Sebastian honestly feels better than he has in a long time. They stay there until after eleven, and when they step outside they’re both pleasantly buzzed, laughing and joking on their way to the club. It makes the time they spend in line pass in the blink of an eye.

Once inside, Chris makes a beeline for the bar, while Sebastian scans the room, taking in the crowd – mostly a lot younger than them, but that’s to be expected. There are mirrors on the walls and strobing lights, and the music is good. Electronic, but better than the usual garbage they play at places like this. He notices that there’s a DJ in the booth on the far end of the room, who seems to be playing his own stuff. Sebastian already feels excitement thrumming through his veins; he can’t wait to execute the next phase of his plan.

Chris brings back a couple of double whiskey and cokes – no straw, because Chris cares about the environment. He clinks his glass with Sebastian’s, shouting over the din of the music, “Happy early birthday, Seb!”

Sebastian gives him a grin and starts walking backwards onto the dance floor, swaying his hips deliberately. “Come dance with me, Chris.”

 

***

 

Chris is having a great time. An amazing time, in fact. He’s out on the town, with Sebastian, and they’re having more fun than he’s had in ages. And still, he’s anxious. _Nothing new there_ , he thinks, rolling his eyes at himself.

He’s anxious about being spotted by fans, he’s anxious about what people might say about him and Sebastian going out dancing together, but most of all he’s anxious that Sebastian’s outfit and his flirty demeanor mean that he’s on the prowl, looking for a stranger to get lucky with. He doesn’t know if he’ll survive seeing Sebastian hook up with somebody else again – not tonight, not anymore, after everything that’s happened over the past few days.

Tonight, Chris can feel his whole body respond to the way Seb is moving; languid and confident, deliberately tempting. He looks much younger than his thirty-six years, more like the young man Chris fell in love with eight years ago, only even more beautiful. Already, he feels _this_ close to just grabbing Seb by the nape of his neck and dragging him into a rough kiss. Maybe handcuff him to his own wrist. Possibly growl at anyone who gets too close to him.

But he has no right to do any of that, and he needs to keep reminding himself of that, and of how complicated both their lives could become as the result of one stupid and irrevocably revealing misstep.

So when Sebastian asks him to come dance with him, despite wanting nothing more than to follow him into the crowd and keep him close, he decides to stay back for now. Shaking his head, he yells back, “Maybe later. You go ahead”, before retreating to the bar, from where he can keep an eye on the dance floor.

He thinks back to last night again, to the neck rub that turned out to be a little more than he had bargained for. Feeling Sebastian’s toned body under his hands, _the sounds_ he’d been making… He shivers even just thinking about it. Despite thinking, only the night before, that maybe it would be worth it to tell Sebastian how he feels, the ‘massage debacle’, as he’s taken to calling it in his head, had left him flustered to the point where he’d had to get away. He’d been so close to just pouncing on him, especially when for a moment there it seemed as if Sebastian had wanted him to.

But surely it was all a misunderstanding. Seb had just (very vocally) enjoyed the neck rub, and if it had seemed like he’d wanted to kiss Chris after, that _had_ to be just Chris reading into things. Like he’d told Scarlett yesterday, Sebastian hadn’t ever expressed any interest in him before, and that wasn’t just going to change because of one good neck rub. So Chris had once again forced his unruly feelings into submission and had managed to act as if everything was fine for most of the day.

That is, until Sebastian had started flirting.

He cringes when he remembers the cab ride earlier tonight. He’d been so thrown by the way Sebastian had looked in those jeans and _that_ shirt, that he couldn’t stop staring at him, had almost given away too much. Again. Luckily, Sebastian had wanted to know something about the last Patriots game for some reason, so he’d been able to divert his focus to raving about his favorite football team instead.

But now that he’s stood alone at the bar, his eyes easily finding Sebastian in the crowd on account of his white t-shirt that lights up like a beacon in the club’s black light, he has nothing to distract him. Chris’s eyes are drawn to him like a magnet, hungrily taking in his every move. Sebastian is dancing on his own, eyes closed and moving freely and gracefully to the beat of the music, and Chris can’t look away.

All too soon, however, he sees other people start to notice Sebastian, too. A group of pretty girls to the side are talking among each other and clearly planning an approach, and a tall, dark and dangerous-looking guy (although Chris has to reluctantly admit that he is kind of handsome, in a rugged way) is already starting to move in Sebastian’s direction with a flirty, determined smirk on his face.

Despite all of his good intentions, Chris downs the rest of his drink, slams his glass on the counter a bit too forcefully, and starts wading into the crowd. He uses his elbows, ignoring the dirty looks he gets from the other patrons of the club, and by some miracle he reaches Sebastian before anyone else does.

By this point, Seb is dancing with his back to the bar, so Chris taps him on the shoulder to get his attention. He turns around, a question on his face that quickly blooms into a blinding smile when he sees who it is. Chris’s knees feel suddenly weak.

“Chris!”, Sebastian shouts, his pupils already a little dilated from the booze and endorphins. “You came.”

“Yeah, I figured someone needed to keep an eye on you”, he says loudly, grinning to make it clear he’s just joking (he isn’t). From the corner of his eye, he can see tall, dark and dangerous slinking away. _Good_ , he thinks with no small amount of satisfaction.

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “My knight in shining armor.” He gives Chris a playful, one handed shove. “Okay, let’s see some moves then,” he says, challenge clear in his voice.

Chris shrugs easily and starts to move. He knows he’s a good dancer. He’s a physical person, so he isn’t actually afraid to dance, but it still gives him a thrill when Sebastian nods appreciatively and mouths, “Not bad.”

Chris smirks. “Not so bad yourself, Seb”, he says, already feeling lighter just from being closer to Sebastian again.

Any inhibitions they had left disappear the longer they dance, the steady beat of the music and the hypnotic lights taking over. It feels like it’s just the two of them on the dancefloor, their surroundings having faded away long ago, Sebastian the only thing Chris can focus on. He revels in the camaraderie they’re sharing, every elated grin, every accidental brush of limbs. This is what he’s craved all week.

Who is he kidding – this is what he craves always.

That is, until their bubble is burst by the gaggle of girls Chris had spotted earlier. The boldest of them moves closer, flicking her long, dark hair and batting her (fake) eyelashes at them.

“Hey boys!”, she coos. “You look like you could use a little company.”

Biting her lip seductively, she tilts her head towards her posse of girlfriends. “This is Tessa, Gemma and Malia. I’m Janette.” The girls, who don’t seem to be showing any signs of recognition, thank god, each give them a little wave. They’re not bad looking and they seem nice enough, but Chris _really_ isn’t interested. Not with Seb standing two feet away. So he gives them a friendly smile, and a “Nice to meet you”, but keeps dancing, angling his body away from them to indicate that he’s not looking to engage any further.

He shoots Sebastian a furtive glance, silently praying he won’t want to flirt with the girls and leave Chris standing by himself, but he needn’t have worried; Sebastian is far too busy dancing to pay any attention to them, seemingly in his own little world.

But the girls are not deterred so easily. Janette shimmies up to Chris, looking up at him through her eyelashes and putting a proprietary hand on his arm. One of the other girls – Chris isn’t sure who’s who – moves closer to Sebastian, trying her best to get him to dance with her. To Chris’s intense relief, Sebastian just smiles apologetically at her and starts turning away immediately. She doesn’t take the hint though, and neither does Janette, who’s still sort of pushing her bosom under Chris’s nose and doesn’t seem to have noticed that his attention is elsewhere.

Sebastian turns his head and looks him dead in the eye suddenly, raising a suggestive eyebrow as if he's trying to tell him something, but Chris isn’t sure what it is. Is he proposing they dance with the girls after all? His heart sinks, but he thinks he’d do it, if that’s what Seb wants.

Sebastian, however, seems to decide Chris is being too slow and he suddenly steps closer, right into his personal space, taking up the place where Janette had been seconds before. Chris is completely caught off guard when Seb then snakes an arm around his neck and pushes the length of his body flush against his own.

Bringing his head closer, lips grazing the shell of Chris’s ear, Sebastian whispers, “Play along”.

Chris tries and fails to suppress a shiver, just about managing to give a dazed nod. His arms come up of their own accord, wrapping around Sebastian’s waist, one hand in the center of his back, pulling him marginally closer, the other one resting lightly just above the curve of his ass. This seems to spur Sebastian on, and he starts to move his hips seductively, in a slow, circling rhythm.

“Put your hand on my ass”, Seb commands lowly, still murmuring into his ear.

Chris inhales sharply and hesitates for a split second, before thinking, _fuck it_. This is probably the only time he’ll get to do this, so he might as well make the most of it. He slides his right hand down to cup the swell of Sebastian’s ass, instinct urging him to give it a brief squeeze. He groans softly at the feeling of the firm muscle under his palm, and Seb hums appreciatively into his neck, his breath raising goosebumps on his skin.

Distantly, Chris realizes that they’re just doing this to fend off the girls’ attentions, but if he’s being honest, he’s not thinking about them right now. He’s not really thinking about much at all, in fact – at least not with his brain. He’s been on edge all night, and now, with the way Sebastian is moving against him, Chris can’t help but get aroused, pleasure pooling low in his belly every time they brush against each other.

Going against every instinct in his body, he tries to move his hips back a little so Sebastian won’t notice the hard-on beginning to strain against the confines of his jeans. Seb’s having none of it, though, and simply moves with him to keep the close contact between their bodies. When Sebastian suddenly slides his left hand down to Chris’s ass, too, and pushes their groins together, Chris can’t stifle the choked off moan that escapes him.

 _Holy fuck_. Sebastian is hard as well.

“Seb”, he croaks, a little desperately.

At the tone of his voice, Sebastian pulls back a little, just far enough to be able to look Chris in the eye.

“Okay?”, he asks breathily, his pupils dilated and his hair mussed from the way he’s been running his hands through it all night.

Chris knows he’s looking at Seb like a deer caught in the headlights, overwhelmed by all the sensations and emotions that are amplified by the alcohol and the pulsing music. They stare at each other for what seems like minutes but is probably only seconds, and then Chris's eyes flick down when Sebastian licks his lips, and he just wants to taste, just a little taste…

Slowly, he starts to lean in.

Then, just before their mouths meet, a voice to his right loudly complains, “Ugh, why are the hot ones always gay.”

Chris freezes, face only half an inch from Sebastian’s.

Suddenly, his surroundings are too loud, too bright, too much, and his brain instantly starts firing off panicky signals to every corner of his body. His breathing has gone quick and shallow, and he feels like he’s about to start hyperventilating.

 _Shit._ This can’t happen, not here, not like this. _Why is he such an idiot?_   Sebastian was only trying to ward off the girls’ unwanted advances, and here Chris is, about to plant one on him in a public place, where there are greedy eyes and greedier camera phones everywhere. It’s a small miracle that they haven’t been recognized so far, but they easily could’ve been. This is exactly the sort of mishap he’d been trying to avoid.

Sebastian’s eyes go from slightly glazed over to concerned in a matter of seconds. He takes a small step back, putting a little distance between them, and brings a gentle hand up to the side of Chris’s face.

“Hey, Chris. Stay with me”, he coaxes. “It’s alright. We’re just dancing, yeah? Nothing more, nothing less. Just dancing.”

 _Just dancing_.

Right. Yes. Okay. That doesn’t sound too bad. Chris can handle just dancing. Sebastian’s words and soothing voice manage to calm him down enough to bring him back from the verge of a full-blown panic attack. Taking deep breaths, he looks into Sebastian’s grounding, warm eyes, and slowly but surely he feels the anxious tension start to drain from his body, the panic leaving his eyes bit by bit.

Sebastian gives him an encouraging smile, squeezing his shoulder once before stepping back a little further still and beginning to dance by himself again. He makes a show of looking around him and makes a sweeping motion with his arm.

“It worked!”, he smiles, indicating the distinct lack of girls around them.

Chris gives him a shaky grin in return. See, Seb was just pretending. Although he’s glad to have narrowly avoided a public outing, Chris is also unreasonably disappointed that he didn't get to kiss Sebastian _._

 _It’s for the best,_ he reminds himself.

“Come on, let’s get another drink”, Sebastian says after a while, already starting to move in the direction of the bar and pulling Chris along with a hand clutching his wrist. Chris lets himself be pulled, still too shaky to do much more than follow Seb’s lead.

The first sip of the ridiculously strong cocktail that Seb has ordered for him makes Chris pull a face, waking him up enough to at least be able to make some conversation again.

“What’s _in_ this thing?”, he asks incredulously.

Sebastian winks. “A Romanian favorite. That should tell you enough.”

Sometimes Chris forgets that Sebastian is literally a first generation immigrant. His American accent is flawless – _just like the rest of him_ , Chris thinks, like the huge sap that he is – and he really has adopted American culture as his own. It’s only occasionally that the European in him suddenly shows, either in a slip of the accent or in a certain habit, when he gesticulates wildly on the phone with his mother, or orders stomach-shriveling cocktails. Chris loves seeing those little glimpses of Sebastian that not everyone gets to see. It makes him feel privileged and appreciate all the more that he’s allowed to be part of Sebastian’s private life.

He’s brought out of his reverie by the man himself who comes to stand closer to him, leaning his elbows on the bar.

“Listen”, Sebastian starts. “I’m sorry if I… I just saw how uncomfortable those girls were making you and I figured you didn’t want to risk being recognized again. So I thought it would be a good idea to put on a little show to scare ‘em off, you know?” He takes a sip of his own drink without even batting an eyelid, then looks down at the floor. “But maybe I read it all wrong. I’m sorry if you did want to, like… get with any of them, or something. And I’m sorry if I overstepped. I was just having a bit of fun, but I get a little carried away sometimes, as you know”, he finishes with a wry smile.

Chris shakes his head forcefully – a little too forcefully judging by the way the room is suddenly spinning.

“No Seb, don’t apologize”, he says emphatically. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I guess I’ve just been a little wound up lately so I overreacted, but it’s not your fault. I promise.” He suspects he sounds a touch desperate, but hopes it just comes off as alcohol-enhanced earnestness, and can't help but add, “I liked… I like dancing with you." 

Sebastian just grins, eyes flashing mischievously. “Well, good, ‘cause you’re about to dance with me some more”, he says, and drags him back onto the dance floor.

 

***

 

They dance for a long time, and Sebastian has to use every last bit of his self-restraint to keep from pulling Chris closer again, desperate to fit his body against Chris’s, but wary that that might induce another near-panic attack.

He’s trying his very best not to show it, but inside, Sebastian is reeling. Never in a million years did he think his little plan would get this kind of a reaction out of Chris. He’d figured he might be able to get him flustered a few times and then maybe speculate a little on whether there might be a morsel of truth in what Mackie had said.

But to have Chris stare at him all evening with blatant desire in his eyes, and then, after an initial refusal, to get him to dance so close to him in a crowded club? Their bodies touching from thigh to shoulder, faces close, hot breath on his neck. And then the realization that Chris was hard – Sebastian had very nearly lost his mind there and then, unable to keep himself from grinding on Chris and causing him to make _that_ sound… That was more than he’d ever thought possible. It’ll provide material for his deepest, darkest fantasies for the rest of his sad, lonely life, Sebastian thinks wryly.

And then just when it had seemed that Chris was actually about to kiss him – _kiss him, ladies and gentlemen of the jury_ – that girl had shouted something about them being gay and Sebastian had seen the panic rising in Chris’s eyes instantly. He wants to curse the girl for ruining the moment, but really, he knows he’s the only one to blame for taking it too far and not realizing sooner that Chris wasn’t ready. Not for this.

It had taken a fair amount of soothing to calm Chris down and to get him to relax a little again, and Sebastian won’t risk having the night end in disaster just because he’s dying to put his hands on him again. That’s nothing out of the ordinary, after all.

By the time they’re both sweaty and exhausted, they decide it’s time to call it a night. Walking outside into the still mellow late summer air, Chris suddenly blurts out, “God, I’m _dying_ for a cigarette.”

Sebastian laughs, charmed, and looks around to scan their surroundings. He motions for Chris to wait there and walks up to two girls standing on the sidewalk smoking. After a few minutes of sweet talking, he’s stolen two cigarettes and a kiss on the cheek off both of them. _Still got it then_ , he thinks, pleased. He lights both cigarettes before thanking the girls profusely, but they just blush and giggle at him.

Chris is leaning against the building, hands in his pockets, and he shakes his head with a smile when Sebastian hands him a cigarette.

“I bet you could charm the wings off a fly”, Chris says, not without admiration.

“You think?”, Seb grins. He takes a drag, tilting his head thoughtfully and giving Chris a calculating look. “How about you?”, he asks, feeling bold. “Do you think I could charm something off you?”

“You can certainly try”, Chris retorts, blowing out smoke. “What would you like to have?”

Sebastian really, _really_ wants to ask for a kiss, but he knows that would be taking it too far again. If Chris wasn’t ready two hours ago, he’s not going to be ready now. But he decides to play a little nonetheless.

“Hmm.” He thinks for a second, then lowers his eyes and scuffs his shoe on the pavement. “Well, there _is_ something that I would really like, actually. You see, I know I have a cigarette, too, but I can’t help but wonder what yours tastes like”, he drawls suggestively, biting the inside of his cheek. He looks up at Chris through his eyelashes, really upping the ante now.

“Do you think I could I have a drag of yours? Just this once?” He takes half a step closer, never breaking eye contact. “I’d be so grateful, Chris, and if you ever wanted anything in return, anything at all, all you’d have to do is ask,” he finishes in a near-whisper, biting his lip and looking up at Chris expectantly.

Chris just stares at him, motionless, for a full five seconds. Just when Sebastian thinks, _huh, now I really_ have _broken him_ , Chris blinks rapidly a few times and huffs out a breathy, disbelieving laugh.

He shakes his head and hands Sebastian his half-finished cigarette, watching intently as Seb takes a slow drag and blows out the smoke through pursed lips. There is no mistaking the way Chris’s eyes flicker to his mouth this time, and Sebastian feels a little thrill at having managed to crack Chris’s self-control like this once again.

He hands Chris back his cigarette with a smug little smile. “I guess I really could charm the wings off a fly”, he says.

Chris just rolls his eyes fondly and orders another Uber.

\---

The cab ride home is a lot more comfortable than the one into town. Chris seems relaxed and even a little sleepy, so Sebastian figures he won’t mind if he leans his head on his shoulder for a while. Chris just rests his cheek on the top of his head and hums contentedly, and Sebastian startles when he suddenly feels a hand on his knee. He opens his eyes and glances down at his leg, where Chris’s hand is resting comfortably. _Alright_ , Sebastian thinks, _apparently we do this now_.

He doesn’t mind one bit.

When they get home they’re both half asleep already, so they don’t do much more than down a few pints of water each, before they bid each other goodnight and retreat to their own bedrooms.

Instead of succumbing to sleep right away, though, Sebastian takes a moment to revel in the knowledge that, yes, Chris actually  _does_ like him. He _likes_ him. Seb doesn’t care if he’s acting like a love-struck teenager – this is one of the best things that has ever happened to him, and he’s going to enjoy every fucking second of it. He doesn’t know if Chris is just attracted to him physically or if he has feelings for him, too; he doesn’t know if Chris’s interest is something new, or if Mackie was right and it’s been going on for a while; and he doesn’t know if it means that Chris is gay, or bi, or just really fucking confused, but the bottom line is that _Chris likes Sebastian_ , and Sebastian likes him back, and suddenly the world seems like a much brighter place.


	7. Saturday

Chris wakes up on Saturday around 1pm, feeling rather like a train ran him over sometime during the night. He groans pathetically and blindly feels around on his bedside table for the bottle of water that he’d had the foresight to put there last night, thank god. _Must have been those damn Romanian cocktails_ , he thinks miserably. He usually holds his liquor better than most. Once he’s downed the bottle and is feeling fractionally more human, his brain starts to shift into gear as well, causing all of last night’s events come hurtling back at him. Chris groans, throwing an arm over his eyes and willing himself to keep taking even breaths.

 _What the fuck_.

What the fuck was last night? Sebastian had flirted with him mercilessly, trying to get a reaction out of him and absolutely, one hundred percent succeeding. He can’t _believe_ his own lack of self-restraint. For as long as he can remember he successfully pretended to want nothing but friendship from Sebastian, and the second the brunet had batted his pretty eyelashes at him, he’d dropped virtually all of his carefully crafted barriers and acted like a lovesick puppy. Or a dog in heat. Either way, a canine. An animal. Chris has no more self-control than an animal. Isn’t that just dandy.

And the worst thing is, he doesn’t even know if Sebastian had meant any of it, or if – and this still seems more likely – he’d just been in a flirty mood and Chris happened to be there to take it out on; a willing victim. And now Chris is fucked. And not in the good way. He’s already shown Sebastian more than he should have, and he's honestly not sure how he’s supposed to keep up the façade for much longer.

He pushes himself into a sitting position, accidentally letting his head thud back against the headboard. “Oww, goddammit”, he groans, closing his eyes against the wave if nausea rising up in his stomach and feeling rather sorry for himself.

At that moment, there’s a tentative knock on the door. Chris freezes and runs a hand through his hair, trying to smooth it down, before remembering that Seb apparently likes his ‘messy bedhead.’

Another knock. “Chris?”, comes Sebastian’s voice through the door. “You okay?’

“Yeah, uh. Yeah, I’m fine”, he croaks, frantically looking around to see if there’s anything incriminating around him.

“Can I come in?”

“Uhh, sure, yeah.” His room is a mess, but Chris is at least glad he slept with the window open so he doesn’t have to worry about any funky smells.

Sebastian cautiously opens the door, until he can poke his head in. There are pillow creases on his left cheek and his hair looks like a bird’s nest. _Still beautiful_ , Chris thinks despondently.

Seb takes in Chris’s no doubt pathetic appearance and clucks sympathetically. “That’s what I thought. I brought you some ibuprofen, if you think you can stomach it?”

Chris nods gratefully, then winces at the motion. “Yeah, I think so. Thanks, Seb.”

“No problem”, he smiles. “I don’t feel too hot myself and I’m used to those cocktails, so I figured you must be feeling pretty terrible.”

“Well, you’re not wrong”, Chris huffs.

Sebastian steps forward then, leaving the door open behind him as he walks up to Chris. He’s wearing soft-looking sweatpants paired with a plain white t-shirt and goes to sit on the foot of the bed, handing him the tablets and a fresh bottle of water. Once Chris has swallowed the tablets, he instantly feels a little better, although he knows that it’s just a placebo effect.

His stomach growls, and Sebastian chuckles. “Hungry, huh? That’s a good sign. You want me to make you something?”

“Seb, no," Chris protests. "You’ve been doing most of the cooking over the past few days, you don’t have to do that.” He’s been a crappy host so far.

Sebastian shrugs. “I mean, last time I checked, the only other human in this house was lying in bed pretty much incapacitated, so I feel like I’m probably your best bet at getting some food in you”, he points out dryly.

Chris sighs dramatically and hangs his head in defeat. “Alright, but you _have_ to let me cook you dinner tonight”, he says, immediately feeling his cheeks heat up as he realizes how that sounded.

Sebastian gives him a thoughtful look and says, “Alright, it’s a date”, before getting up and heading to the kitchen.

_It’s just an expression, Chris. Don’t get too excited._

Before long, the mouth-watering scent of fried eggs and bacon starts drifting in from the kitchen and a little while later Sebastian appears, carrying a tray with two plates of breakfast food, cutlery and two large mugs of coffee.

Chris groans at the sight. “Sebastian, you’re living proof that not all heroes wear capes.”

Seb giggles, and Chris’s heart thuds heavily in his chest. Why. _Why_ does this man have to be so goddamn adorable?

“I thought we could do the lazy Saturday thing, have breakfast in bed and watch some crappy TV series?”, Sebastian suggests. “Don’t worry if you want some alone time instead, I can just go to my own room if that’s the case.”

“No!” It's too loud, and Chris cringes. “I mean, no, you’re welcome to stay”, he amends, a little less vehemently. “Lemme just grab my laptop.”

He gets up from the bed, holding his head carefully still, and walks over to the desk on the far side of the room to retrieve the device. When he turns around, the sight of a sleepy-looking Sebastian nestled comfortably on his bed, looking at him with soft eyes, hits him square in the chest. He has to close his eyes for a second to regain his balance.

“You okay?”, Seb asks, concern lacing his voice.

“I’m fine, just a little dizzy,” Chris lies.

Sebastian hums doubtfully. “Well, come sit down then”, he orders gently, patting the mattress.

They settle on some old episodes of Twin Peaks, eating and watching in comfortable silence. By the end of the second one, Chris is feeling a lot less hungover and even pleasantly drowsy.

After the third yawn in as many minutes, Sebastian turns to him and says, “Hey, if you wanna take a nap…”

Chris suppresses another yawn, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. “But Dodger...”, he protests lamely.

Seb gives a little wave. “I’ve already let him out onto the lawn this morning and given him his breakfast. He’s fine for now. You can close your eyes for a while.” He gestures for Chris to lie down, pulling gently at him until he’s is lying on his side, facing Sebastian.

For a long moment, Sebastian watches him with an indecipherable expression on his face. Then, he slowly raises a hand, and gently starts running his fingers through Chris’s hair in long, soothing strokes. Chris’s eyes close of their own accord and he can’t help the soft sound that escapes him.

He can hear the smile in his voice when Seb quietly asks, “Your head still sore, huh?”

He hums, happy to have Seb believe that that’s the cause of the sound instead of admitting that the feeling of Sebastian’s hands on any part of his body sends electric sparks running over and under his skin. Sebastian keeps petting his hair, now and then softly scraping his nails over Chris’s scalp, only intensifying the involuntary shivers.

Before long, Chris's noisy brain starts up again. Is this something that friends do, he wonders? Sure, girls play with each other’s hair all the time, but grown men? With every stroke of Sebastian’s hand over his head, Chris can’t help but feel the spark of hope in his chest start to burn a little brighter. It's tentative, but it's there, where it wasn't before. Could Sebastian really care about him like that? Is it possible that all this flirting and taking care he’s been doing really _is_ Sebastian’s letting him know he’s interested?

He's is almost scared to let himself believe it, afraid that if he lets his hopes soar too high and Sebastian turns him down, his heart might not survive the crash. Chris darts a glance up to Sebastian’s face – his sharp jawline, the long, graceful curve of his neck. God, he’s so beautiful. Chris’s heart clenches in his chest. He wants this man so bad, wants nothing more than to be able to love him openly, shower him in all the affection he deserves.

And all at once, he’s overwhelmed by a wave of self-loathing, furious with himself for the fact that there’s still something holding him back – some nameless, shapeless fear in the back of his head that keeps him from speaking out, from telling Sebastian how he feels.

 _What am I so afraid of?_ he thinks, frustrated. Is it fear of rejection? Sebastian has been dropping enough hints; if Chris were any kind of a man he would at least _try_.

Then is it because he’s scared what people will say if he steps out with another guy? Or – and this possibility is one that he hardly dares to acknowledge even in the privacy of his own mind – is it because he’s afraid what it might do to him, to both of them, if Chris were allowed to love Sebastian without restraint? His previous relationships hadn’t exactly ended in rainbows and sunshine, and he _can’t_ have that happen to him and Seb. He doesn't even want to consider living in a world in which Sebastian hated him.

Sebastian must sense the anxiety coming off Chris in waves, because he turns his head towards him suddenly, eyes going straight to his face. Chris doesn’t know what he sees there, but whatever it is, it causes his brow to furrow in concern.

“Everything okay?”, he questions lowly.

 _No, everything is not okay_ , Chris wants to say. _I love you and I can’t tell you because I’m a coward._

But of course, he doesn’t say any of that. Because it would sound pretty melodramatic, but mostly because he actually is a coward. He abruptly rolls onto his other side, getting up from the bed and moving to grab some clothes from the chair near the window.

“Chris? What’s wrong?”, Sebastian asks again, sounding concerned now.

He doesn’t look at Sebastian. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong”, he deflects. “I’m just – I need some fresh air. I’m going to take Dodger out for a walk.”

Seb nods. “Okay, yeah, I’ll join you, I could use some air myself.”

Chris looks up sharply. “No – I… I’d like to go alone, if you don’t mind. I need some time by myself.” He hates himself for the hurt he sees flashing across the other man’s features.

“Oh. Okay. I’ll just uh… clear up a little in here then. Will you be gone long?”, Seb asks hesitantly.

“I don’t know. I should be back before dark, though.” With a forced smile in Sebastian’s direction, he opens the door and hurries out of the bedroom.

As soon as he steps outside the cabin, he takes a deep breath, trying to quell the anxiety that’s clawing at him from the inside. He can feel his eyes starting to burn again, so he sets a steady pace, hoping the exercise will distract his racing mind, until he’s very nearly running. Dodger’s happily sprinting alongside him, oblivious to his owner’s inner turmoil.

 _Talk about trying to outrun your problems_ , Chris thinks wryly.

Although he’s self-aware enough to know what he’s doing, that doesn’t change the fact that he keeps walking, further and further away from the cabin. Away from Sebastian; the man he wants more than anything, but can’t have. Won’t let himself have? Same difference, in the end.   

Chris is startled out of his somber thoughts by a flash of lightening, quickly followed by the rolling thunder. _Fuck_. A storm. That’s just what he needs. He sighs, resigning himself to the fact that they’ll just have to go back after all. He looks around, but is surprised to find that he doesn’t recognize his surroundings. He must have walked further than he thought. Frowning, he pats his pockets for his phone only to realize that he must have left it back at the cabin in his haste to get out of there.

The sound of his annoyed groan is drowned out by another thunderclap that seems to shake the trees around them, and Dodger starts barking frantically, attempting to scare off whatever is making all the racket. Chris tries to soothe him and starts walking again, hoping he’ll find some point of recognition. He’s still searching when the first drops start to fall, and before long the rain is pouring down, drenching him within minutes. When he looks around to assess if there’s anything in the way of shelter around, he sees Dodger sprinting off to somewhere.

“Dodger! Here, boy”, he bellows over the sound of the rain. Dodger, of course, doesn’t listen, leaving Chris with no choice but to run after him, almost slipping on the muddy earth. When he catches up, he notices that Dodger’s led them to a little wooden structure covered by some tarp, that’s being used to keep chopped wood dry. Not quite as dumb as he looks, his dog. The little hut is half empty, so there’s just enough space for the two of them to huddle up together. Chris decides that he’ll wait out the storm and then try to retrace his steps, back to the cabin.

After a while, however, he realizes that the storm is showing no signs of letting up anytime soon, and with some apprehension he notes that dusk is setting in, too. Shit. He really should’ve checked the time before leaving. He won’t have a chance in hell of finding his way back in the dark, and he’s starting to get cold as well, his wet clothes sticking unpleasantly cool to his body.

“We gotta go, friend”, he says to Dodger, apologetically patting his head. The dog lets out a high whine, almost as if he understands what he's is telling him. Chris suspects he actually might.

He braces himself, stepping out from under the tarpaulin, and is instantly soaking wet again.

“Come on, boy!”, he calls to Dodger, setting off in the direction he suspects the cabin is in. They walk at a brisk pace for what must be over half an hour, darkness and worry alike setting in in earnest now.

Just as Chris is really starting to despair, Dodger suddenly starts barking, running out in front of him. Chris’s heart rate picks up. Are they getting closer? He starts jogging after his dog again, noticing now that he can’t really feel his feet, icy in his sodden trainers. When his eyes finally make out the familiar shape of the cabin, relief floods through him. _Thank god._

The door flies wide open before they’ve even reached the house. “Thank _fuck_ ”, Sebastian says emphatically, echoing Chris’s own thoughts before he runs out to meet him, disregarding the rain that’s still pouring down. Chris opens his mouth to explain but his teeth are chattering too hard, and before he can try again, Sebastian has thrown his arms around him, squeezing him tightly. Chris wants to hug him back, but he’s so cold that he can barely lift his arms.

When Sebastian notices his chattering teeth, he pulls back, looking him over worriedly.

“Chris, god, you’re _freezing_. You’ve been gone for hours, why the fuck didn’t you come back sooner?” he asks exasperatedly, running his hands up and down Chris’s arms to try and get him warm again.

“Got l-l-l-ost”, Chris stammers, attempting to shrug but only managing a small twitch at best.

“And why didn’t you bring your phone? Goddammit, Chris, you had me so worried,” Sebastian says, still frowning. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

Chris keeps shivering even indoors, so Seb steers him straight into the bathroom and gets the hot water running.

“We need to warm you up. You’re on the brink of hypothermia”, Sebastian almost scolds him as he checks the temperature of the water. “Get undressed.”

Chris takes a moment to appreciate the irony of the fact that he’s waited years to hear those words from Sebastian’s mouth, but not quite in this context. Obediently, he starts taking off his shirt, but has to stop when it’s halfway up his torso because he can’t feel his fingers and he’s shivering too hard.

Sebastian makes a small noise before taking the hem of Chris’s t-shirt and helping him pull it over his head. Chris is suddenly glad that he’s sort of blue in the face, because at least Sebastian won’t see him go red again.

Once his shirt is off, Sebastian says, “I’m guessing you won’t be able to get your belt open either, am I right?”

Embarrassed, Chris gives a little shake of his head.

Sebastian makes quick work of the belt and the zipper, and starts pulling Chris’s trousers down without hesitation. He crouches down suddenly, putting his head level with Chris’s crotch and Chris lets out a squeaky sound – one that he will deny making until the day he dies – before he realizes that Sebastian is just trying to get his shoes off so that he can step out of his pants. Once Chris is left in just his boxers, Sebastian takes him by the shoulders and purposefully pushes him into to shower stall.

As he tries to step in, however, Chris miscalculates slightly, still clumsy from the cold suffusing his extremities. He stumbles, and Sebastian, who is still gripping his shoulder, stumbles with him, catching himself on the wall with his outstretched hand but not quick enough to avoid getting hit by the shower spray. He’s drenched within seconds, still fully dressed, and he looks down at himself for a few moments before muttering “Fuck it”, and closing the stall door behind him.

Chris is just sort of standing mutely to the side, shivering, so Sebastian pulls him under the spray and immediately starts running his hands over his body. To his wide-eyed look, Sebastian simply replies, “Gotta get your circulation going again”, and continues to rub his arms, sides and chest, eventually snaking his arms around him to reach his back. Still a little dazed, Chris reacts on autopilot and loops his arms around Sebastian as well, assuming he was going in for a hug again.

He realizes his mistake about two seconds in, but by that time Sebastian is already hugging him back for real, so he decides just to go with it and enjoy the close contact. It’s too nice to even feel embarrassed about it right now.

They stand there for a long time, just breathing together, grounding each other. They both had a fright this afternoon. As Chris starts feeling more human again, he also becomes aware of the fact that he’s currently only wearing his boxers. He goes a little rigid, causing Sebastian to pull back a little, eyes roaming his face.

“Better?”, he asks.

Chris gives him a somewhat sheepish smile. “Yeah”, he says. “Sorry about that.” He’s not sure if he means sorry for worrying Seb or for getting him wet, but decides to let it be a blanket statement.

Sebastian turns off the shower. “You get out first,” he tells Chris, smiling crookedly and pinching his soaked t-shirt between his thumb and forefinger, pulling it away from his body. “I’m going to have to take these off in here or I’ll have to mop the floor when I’m done.”

Chris steps out of the shower, dries himself off, then ties the towel around his hips and covertly slips his soaked boxers off underneath while Seb is busy stripping out of his drenched clothes.

“Hey, hand me a towel?”, Sebastian asks him. Chris grabs a clean one from the rack, turns around, and stops dead in his tracks. Sebastian is standing with his back to him, looking back at Chris over his shoulder. He’s also stark naked. Chris’s eyes involuntarily flick down to Sebastian’s ass – his glorious ass, he might add, _hot damn_ – before guiltily snapping back up to his face. Sebastian smirks knowingly, but takes the towel without a word.

“I’m just gonna get changed”, Chris mutters, shuffling out of the bathroom as quickly as possible without dislodging the knot in his towel.

In his room, he sits down heavily on the side of his bed as he tries to get his spinning thoughts under control. 

“Come on Chris, fucking get it together, will you," he mutters under his breath, giving himself a stern talking to. "You’re thirty-seven years old, for Christ sake. You can handle this. You can tell a boy that you like him, you’re not in middle school anymore.”

 _Especially since he seems to like you back_ , he thinks, a little stunned. He still finds it difficult to believe, but he can’t in all honesty deny the evidence anymore. And if his reaction to Chris’s inadvertent little runaway stunt is anything to go by, it doesn’t only seem to be physical attraction from Sebastian’s side either. He has no idea when Sebastian’s perception of him changed, or how or why it happened, but does it really matter? What matters is that it _has_.

All of a sudden, he sees it with perfect clarity, almost if the rain washed the fear-induced white noise from his mind. What matters is that they’re here, just the two of them in this faraway cabin. What matters is that they like each other. When he looks at it like that, it’s really not that hard to see what he should be doing. He should make a move, tell Sebastian how he feels. Give himself a shot at happiness, just like Scarlett and Scott had asked him to do.

He’s suddenly reminded of the time, nearly ten years ago now, when he had been offered the role of Captain America and turned it down several times – because he was afraid of being pigeonholed and typecast for the rest of his life, but mostly because he was scared of how his life might change if he took such a high-profile role in a blockbuster franchise. Eventually, with the help of his family, his friends and his therapist, he had come to realize that some things were simply out of his control and that it was just fear of the unknown holding him back, and he’d ended up taking the part after all.

And look where it got him. He’d had one of the best experiences of his life, earned a shitload of money, became part of this strange, wonderful family. And he’d met Sebastian.

So if there’s one thing that that experience should have taught him, clearly, it is that he shouldn’t let fear dictate his life. _Exactly what Seb had said yesterday_. Had he already seen through him then? Whatever it was, Chris realizes now, again, that life’s too short to be a coward.

His mind made up, he gets up from the bed. He’s going to do this, and he’s going to do this _right._ Like Sebastian deserves. Like – dare he think it? – maybe even he himself deserves. It’s an unfamiliar but not unpleasant thought. He picks out a nice, dark blue button-down and his black jeans, but keeps his feet bare the way he likes them. Once he’s dressed, he looks in the mirror and chuckles at the grim determination looking back at him. He screws his face up a few times, shakes out his arms and rolls his shoulders to loosen his muscles. That’s better.

Taking a few deep breaths, he turns around, opens the door and steps outside.

 

***

 

To tell the truth, Sebastian is still a little mad at Chris for disappearing in the middle of a storm and being stupid enough to forget his phone, but mostly he’s just incredibly relieved that he’s okay. When the storm started, Sebastian had expected Chris to come straight back, despite whatever it was that had made him run out in a panic. But after hours had passed and there was still no sign of him, he’d really started to worry. He’d tried calling Chris’s mobile phone, only to discover the idiot had left it lying on the bedside table.

Sebastian had been _this_ close to calling a search party when he’d finally heard Dodger’s familiar bark. God, he’d never been so glad to see that dog, and even more glad to see a drenched and rather miserable-looking Chris trailing in its wake. If Sebastian hadn’t been so mad and frantic, he probably would've kissed him. Seeing as he's still not quite sure how that would go down, it’s probably good that he hadn’t. Probably.

He’s just put on some dry underwear and is about to slip into his comfies, when there’s a knock at the door.

“Come in”, he calls, frowning slightly.

The door swings open, and there’s Chris. Sebastian does a double take when he takes him in; all dressed up and suave – apart from his feet, which are perpetually, endearingly bare.

“Um. You look…" Seb shakes his head once. "Are you going somewhere?”, he asks, confused. Did he forget that Chris was heading out tonight?

“Nope, not goin’ anywhere”, Chris chuckles, a little breathlessly it seems. “I promised this morning I would cook you dinner, so that's what I'm going to do.” There’s a determined glint in his eye and he straightens his shoulders before continuing, “And we’re going to do this right, Seb, so let me worry about dinner while you put on something nice and just relax for a while.”

He suddenly seems to realize that he’s basically ordering Sebastian around, and looks a little sheepish. “I mean, if you want.”

Before he can overthink it, Sebastian blurts out, “I want.” He's not sure what’s happening, but he's not about to turn an offer like that down. “I mean, that sounds nice. I’ll go put something on.”

A subtle blush creeps up Chris’s neck at the same time his lips turn up into a cheeky smile. He deliberately looks up and down Sebastian’s mostly bare body. “Or don’t”, he shrugs. “I’m happy either way.”

Then he turns around, walks out and closes the door behind him, once again leaving Sebastian standing, half-naked and wholly baffled, in the middle of the room.

Seb feels a little giddy. Did that really just happen? There’s no way this is going where he thinks it’s going, right? He shakes himself. _Only one way to find out_.

He takes his time getting ready, figuring he’ll give Chris some time to start cooking. And also, mostly, because he’s nervous. It’s stupid, but now that this finally seems to be happening, whatever _this_ is, the nerves are kicking in in full force. He spends way too long fussing over his appearance, even though he knows that Chris literally saw him buck naked under half an hour ago, and eventually decides on a soft, gray sweater that compliments his eyes.

“Stop the fidgeting, Stan”, Sebastian mutters to himself. Time to man up. If Chris can be brave, then so can he.

When he finally does leave his room, he’s greeted by the mouth-watering smell of garlic and oregano. His stomach rumbles on cue as he enters the kitchen, a little timidly.

Chris has put the little dining table in the middle of the kitchen, and set it with a dark red table cloth, the nice plates, and some candles which he must have found god knows where. There is soft music playing – something Sebastian vaguely recognizes and is decidedly romantic.

At his sound of his surprised intake of breath, Chris looks up from where he’s chopping tomatoes at the kitchen counter. He meets Sebastian’s eyes. There’s something shy in his expression, almost vulnerable, that makes Seb’s heart speed up in anticipation.

“Take a seat”, Chris says quietly, before he wipes his hands on a towel and picks up a bottle of wine from the counter. “Red okay?”

“Red is perfect”, Sebastian breathes, holding up his glass for Chris to fill.

Chris smiles at him. “Dinner’s almost done, just need to finish the sauce.”

“Yeah, of course, take your time. It smells great, really great”, Seb gushes, feeling very much like a bumbling teenager on a first date.

They fall silent then, Chris turning back to the counter to put the finishing touches on the pasta while Sebastian sips his wine, trying hard not to stare at the back of Chris’s head. They’re both actors, for god’s sake, they should be able to bluff their way through a bit of awkwardness, shouldn’t they? Apparently not. It’s lucky Chris thought to put some music on, or this would’ve been excruciating.

Finally, Chris fills both their plates with spaghetti, which looks delicious, then tops up their wine glasses again and sits down across from Sebastian.

“I hope you like it”, he says, looking a little flustered. “And thanks again for being such a model guest.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes fondly. “I got you drunk three times in the span of a week, Chris. I’m not that much of a saint.”

Chris shoots him a small grin. “Oh, I know you’re no saint, Seb.” He takes a sip of his wine. “That’s one of the things I like about you.”

Sebastian looks up at him coyly through his eyelashes, poking at his pasta with his fork. “One of the things, huh?”

Chris just hums, taking a bite of his food and chewing slowly.

Sebastian huffs. “You gonna make me fish?”

“For what?”, Chris asks innocently.

“Oh, it’s like that, is it?" Seb laughs, both eyebrows raised. "Well, I guess then you’ll never know what I really think about you either”, he shrugs, taking a bite of spaghetti, but keeping his eyes on Chris.

"Okay, I’ll tell you what”, Chris says, his eyes twinkling, even prettier than usual in the soft candlelight. “I’ll trade you one thing I like about you for every thing you like about me.”

Sebastian pretends to consider this. “You drive a hard bargain, Evans, but alright. You’re on.”

“Great. I’ll start.” Chris takes a deep breath. “I like that you always know how to calm me down," he says. "Get me out of my own head. I don’t know how you do it, but I’m so glad that you do.”

Sebastian is a little taken aback by that – he wasn’t quite expecting this level of earnestness, but he is touched by Chris’s confession nonetheless. When he’s been silent a while, still processing, Chris gives him a look.

“Your turn”, he says, smiling slightly, as if he knows what’s going through Sebastian’s mind.

Seb startles a little. “Oh, yeah. Um.” He takes a moment to think about it. “Well, I like… I like how excited you get, even at the smallest things. It’s really infectious.” He's smiling as he takes a sip of his wine.

Chris rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling, too. “You mean, I’m like a big, dumb golden retriever.” 

“Well, yeah, a little”, Sebastian grins, “but I also mean that your enthusiasm brightens up everyone’s day. Including mine.”

“Hmmmkay, I’ll take it as a compliment then.”

“It’s meant as one. Your turn.”

Chris takes a moment, then swirls his wine around his glass and softly says, “I like how kind you are. You’re always so damn sweet, Seb.” He looks up to meet Sebastian’s gaze. “You’d never be mean to anyone on purpose, and I admire that.”

Sebastian swallows thickly and thinks he might be about to melt off his chair. “Yeah but, look who’s talking”, he splutters. “You’re like sunshine personified, Chris. You never have anything bad to say about anyone.” He pauses. “Okay, apart from Trump maybe, but that’s a given.”

“Well, I guess we’re both nice guys then”, Chris shrugs, still smiling bashfully.

“I like your tattoos”, Sebastian blurts out suddenly, unable to wait his turn and fervently willing his blush to stay down.

“You do?”, Chris asks, surprised. He brings a hand up to his clavicle, stroking the ink there. “They’re not exactly masterpieces.”

Sebastian cocks his head. “Hmm. Maybe they were a little impulsive, but that’s why they suit you. You’re spontaneous. And I think it makes you look, you know... kinda hot, actually”, he finishes, aiming for tongue-in-cheek. He's delighted to see it makes Chris flush immediately.

“Well, _I_ like how you can pull of literally any hairstyle”, Chris counters, trying to regain the upper hand. “It’s actually really fucking impressive.”

Sebastian grins. “Thanks. Any favorites?”

“The long hair”, Chris replies instantly. “The long hair was uh…” He clears his throat. “Yeah, that was my favorite. But like I said, you can pull anything off. It’s ‘cause…” He gives a little wave in Seb’s general direction. “Well, your face.”

Sebastian, food more or less forgotten, feels a pleased smile blooming on his lips. “What about my face?”

Chris gives him an unimpressed look that’s lost some of its effectiveness due to the faint blush he’s still sporting.

“I think you know what, but if you’ve _gotta_ hear me say it… It’s a pretty damn good face.”

Sebastian feels giddy again. “Geez, Evans, you’re making me blush.”

“Already? Well, then you’d better buckle up, Stan”, Chris says cryptically.

Before Sebastian can ask what he means, Chris sits up a little straighter, his face settling into a familiar, single-minded expression that reminds him of a certain Captain. He takes a deep, bracing breath.

“I like your hands”, Chris starts, looking at Seb’s hands where they’re lying on the table between them. “Your long fingers. They’re strong, but elegant. Like a musician’s.” He looks up then, and holds Sebastian’s gaze. “I like the way your eyes crinkle at the corners when you smile, and how you scrunch up your nose when you think something’s weird or hilarious. It’s so damn cute, Seb," he says, with a little shake of his head. "I like your eyes, a _lot_. How they seem to change color, depending on the light, or your mood, I’m not sure. I like the little bump on your right ear, and the divot in your chin. And most of all,” he says, taking a slightly shaky breath, “most of all, I like your mouth.” As he says it, his eyes drop down to Sebastian’s lips. “Your mouth is…” He swallows, but doesn’t finish his sentence this time.

Sebastian, by this point, is sure that his face must be bright red and his heart is about to gallop out of his chest. He can’t think of single thing to reply to all that, can only blink rapidly at Chris and wonder whether any of this is even really happening.

He lowers his eyes, swallows again. Without really thinking about it, he slides his hand over the table, closer to where Chris’s right one is resting. Chris takes the hint, and closes the distance between their hands – not taking it, just lightly touching, pinkie to pinkie. Gathering all his courage, Sebastian cautiously brushes his fingers over Chris’s, light as a feather, and immediately, Chris turns his hand so that his palm is facing upwards, silently accepting Sebastian’s touch. As he traces patterns on Chris’s palm with his fingertips, Sebastian can hear the other man’s breathing pick up, going shallow around the edges.

Finally, just when he thinks he can’t take it any longer, Chris takes Sebastian’s hand in his and holds it gently, entwining their fingers on the table top. Chris’s hand is dry and warm, and Sebastian spares a moment to pray he doesn’t have sweaty palms. Heart hammering in his chest, he slowly brings up his head, dragging his gaze from their clasped hands on the table up to Chris's face.

When their eyes meet, Sebastian's breath hitches.

Chris’s expression is hungry, brimming with what can only be described as adoration, but there's also something else. Something that makes Sebastian feel dizzy, vertiginous, like he's about to go into free-fall. It’s heady, having that look directed at him, and for a minute or two they simply stare at each other, too spellbound to move. The air between them feels charged, crackling with anticipation.

Very carefully, almost as if he's approaching a skittish animal, Chris starts to get up from his chair, pulling Sebastian with him by their joined hands until they’re standing beside the table, only inches apart. Sebastian is hyper-aware of Chris’s proximity; his warmth, his smell, his touch. The combination is intoxicating, pinning him in place, and as his heart pounds in his ears, he distantly wonders if Chris is feeling like this, too.

Slowly, Sebastian starts to lean in.

At the first touch of his lips on Chris’s – _holy shit_ , they’re even softer than he imagined – Sebastian lets out a helpless moan. Chris answers with a low, rumbling sound in his chest, and lets go of his hand to bring both of his own up to Sebastian’s face, cradling it with surprising gentleness. His thumbs stroke Seb’s cheekbones as he deepens the kiss, breathing through his nose so as not to have to break contact. When Sebastian feels the first flick of a tongue against his lips, he parts them immediately to allow him to lick into his mouth. Already, he feels drunk on the taste of him, his head spinning from the all-encompassing nearness of Chris, Chris, Chris.

He only realizes he’s murmuring the name out loud when Chris does eventually breaks the kiss. He pulls back infinitesimally, just enough to say, “I’m here, Seb. I’m here”, as he starts pressing soft, sweet kisses to Sebastian’s cheeks, his forehead, even his chin and nose, while his big hands are still holding his face like it’s something precious. Sebastian hums, keeping his eyes closed, just enjoying the sensations and basking in the tenderness that Chris is lavishing on him.

And yet when he feels those full lips press against his again, the urgency of their earlier kiss returns in no time at all. As the kiss deepens, their tongues tangle, teeth clashing, and Sebastian feels frantic, like he wants to climb inside of Chris.

He does the next best thing. He puts his hands on Chris’s waist and, without breaking the kiss, starts him walking backwards towards the living room before pushing him down onto the couch, swinging his right leg over both of Chris’s to climb into his lap. Chris responds by putting his hands on his back, slowly dragging them from his shoulder blades, down his back, and finally coming to rest on his ass. He just keeps them there, not moving, until Sebastian starts to drag his lips over Chris’s jaw, over the sensitive skin just below the line of his beard. He kisses up to his ear, and the moment he takes his earlobe between his teeth, Chris makes a sound as if he’s been punched and tightens his grip on Sebastian’s ass. Seb’s hips press forward automatically, making both their heads fall back at the pressure.

“Ahh, Seb, please, I need – ”, Chris chokes, rocking up to chase the feeling.

Without warning, he suddenly surges up, still holding on tightly to Sebastian, and flips them over on the couch so Seb is lying on his back with Chris poised above him. Chris is holding himself up with his right arm while his left roams down his flank, and Seb cannot _believe_ how much he loves being trapped under Chris’s bulk like this; he’s practically purring at the feeling. Chris seems to catch on quickly, and carefully lowers his body onto Sebastian’s, all the while keeping his heated gaze fixed on his face. He’s flushed and breathing hard above him, triceps bulging as he holds himself up. The image is so hot, it makes Sebastian shiver all over.

Seb moves to open his knees out to the side then, so that Chris’s hips are cradled between his legs and they’re pressed flush together, chest to groin. There’s no disguising the fact that they’re both rock-hard by this point, even though they haven’t even really laid a finger on each other yet. Chris’s eyes are smoldering like Sebastian's never seen them before, lighting him up, setting him on fire from the inside out. He’s suddenly painfully aware that they’ve barely gotten started and idly wonders if he’ll even survive tonight. Nevertheless, he’s eager to see how far he can make it before he expires from arousal.

He brings a hand up to the back of Chris’s neck and guides his mouth back down to his own. Tangling his fingers into Chris’s hair, he uses his other hand to ruck up the shirt on his lower back to find bare skin, and when he slowly drags his nails over Chris’s back, Chris gasps sharply and ruts down hard.

“Ahh, you like that, huh?”, Seb pants against Chris’s mouth, licking at his lips. 

“You, ahh… _god_ ”, Chris chokes out, pressing his forehead to Sebastian’s, looking straight into his eyes as he starts to slowly circle his hips, rubbing their erections together and causing electric sparks to run up Sebastian’s spine. With a low growl, he captures Chris’s mouth in a searing kiss, all teeth and tongue, turning filthier the more Chris increases the pressure.

Chris breaks away suddenly. “Fuck, your _mouth,_ ” he gasps.

Sebastian gives him a dirty smirk. “Yes, please.”

Instantly, Chris's mouth drops open as his eyes roll back, and he groans, his hips bucking helplessly. It has to be the hottest thing Sebastian has ever seen, and he silently vows to give this man everything he’s ever dreamed of and then some.

It doesn’t take long after that before Sebastian is tugging at Chris’s shirt, attempting to pull it over his head without breaking the kiss. When that predictably doesn’t work, since it's a button down, Chris moves to sit up and straddles Sebastian’s hips while he fumbles with the buttons until he’s able to slip the shirt off his broad shoulders. Chris doesn’t even give him time to appreciate the view, because he immediately starts pulling at Sebastian’s sweater next.

“Off, come on, _off_ ”, he says urgently.

Sebastian barely manages to suppress a snort at that but obliges anyway, eager for more skin-on-skin contact. Once they’re both shirtless, it’s like a race to see who can touch the most of the other’s bare skin in the shortest amount of time.

When a brush of Chris’s thumb over Sebastian’s left nipple causes him to make a strangled sound, Chris cocks his head curiously, licks his lips, and promptly ducks his head down to flick at the little nub with his tongue. Sebastian squeaks manfully, tangling his hands in Chris’s hair again and squirming underneath him as he continues the onslaught on his chest. Sebastian's nipples have always been sensitive; trust Chris to figure that out in no time at all. He tongues and sucks on them, alternating gentle bites and kitten licks, his beard causing a delicious added burn. He doesn't let up until Sebastian starts gently tugging on his hair, gasping, “Chris, uuhh, Chris, ah – you gotta…”

Immediately after detaching himself from Sebastian's chest, Chris brings his mouth back up to Seb's, kissing him hotly.

When they finally come up for air, eyes wide and a little wild, Sebastian pants, “Your bedroom or mine?”

“Don’t care,” Chris growls, already scrambling to get up. Sebastian takes a moment to look up at him from where he’s lying on the couch, letting his hungry gaze roam from Chris’s mussed hair _– I did that_ , he thinks, amazed – down his toned, tattooed torso and coming to rest on the obvious bulge in his jeans. _I did that_. It’s almost too much.

He throws an arm over his eyes. “Ugh, Chris, you can’t just… Why are you so –”

Before he can finish that sentence, Chris grabs his hand and pulls him off the couch, and into the direction of the bedrooms. He turns left and walks backwards into Sebastian’s room, maintaining eye contact the entire time. When the backs of his legs hit the bed, Chris stops.

He’s still holding Sebastian’s hand, and as he stands there, just taking him in for a moment, the look in his eyes turns suddenly almost unbearably soft. He brings their joined hands up to his face, pressing a sweet, dry kiss to Sebastian’s knuckles, and Sebastian thinks he might actually be about to swoon like some fair, Victorian maiden.

He frees his right hand from Chris’s loose grip and lifts it to caress the side of his face. Chris’s eyes fall shut, looking half blissed-out already, and Sebastian marvels at the way he seems to be completely surrendering to him.

Lightly, he drags two fingers from Chris’s cheekbone down over his beard to his lips, tracing the gentle curve of them, until Chris lets his tongue dart out to give a quick lick at his fingers. Sebastian sucks in a sharp breath. At the sound, Chris opens his eyes again. Fixing them on his, he lets his lips fall open and slowly takes Sebastian's fingers into his hot mouth, sucking on them, lightly but with intent.

All at once, the fire inside Sebastian roars to life again, as if there’s a direct line of communication between his fingers and his cock. He moans and his hips stutter, and Chris spins them around in one, fluid movement, pushing Seb back onto the bed and draping himself heavily over his body.

Impatient now, Sebastian’s hands fly to the zipper of Chris’s jeans and he starts tugging on them to try and get them off his hips.

Suddenly, Chris stills on top of him.

Sebastian halts his movements. “Chris?" he asks. "You okay?”

Chris nods, but keeps his eyes averted, not directly looking at him. “Uh, yeah, I’m okay”, he croaks. “It’s just… I’ve never, ah…” He trails off uncertainly, his lower lip caught between his teeth, worrying it as he tries to find the words to explain what he means.

Understanding dawning, Sebastian brings a hand up to Chris’s face again, gently grabbing his chin to turn it towards his own.

“Hey, look at me”, he says, ducking his head to catch Chris’s eyes, which are shining with a potent mixture of embarrassment, apprehensiveness and lust. “You’ve never been with a man before?”

Chris shakes his head, seemingly embarrassed, so Sebastian surges up to press a soothing kiss to his furrowed forehead. It’s not a complete surprise, but it still makes possessiveness well up in his chest. _I get to be his first_ , he thinks wonderingly, gratefully.

“Okay, that’s okay, Chris," he soothes. "We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, alright?” He gives him a reassuring smile.

Chris’s eyes snap up then, boring into his suddenly with a startling intensity. “But I want to do _everything_ ”, he says. “I just might not, you know… be any good at it. Yet.” He cringes a little.

Sebastian lets out a strangled laugh, turning his eyes to the ceiling for a minute to pray for strength. “Trust me," he says, "you’d barely have to do anything at all and I would still enjoy the fuck out of it.” He’s waited so long for this, and he’s already so worked up, that he’s more worried about going off a the slightest provocation than about not being able to at all because this is Chris’s first attempt at this.

Chris’s eyes flash, making him look fierce and beautiful, suddenly more like a lion than a golden retriever. “But I want to be good for you.”

Sebastian groans as he closes his eyes. “You’re already so good for me, Chris”, he says, stroking a hand through the other man’s hair. “You set the pace, okay? And just so you know, I’m basically up for anything.” He doesn’t bother specifying the things that he isn't up for, because he’s not worried that Chris will cross any of his boundaries. He knows him too well for that to be a concern.

Chris makes a sound, and all but attacks his mouth, kissing him so deeply it’s like he wants to devour him. Sebastian honestly can’t believe his luck: not only does he get to make out with Chris fucking Evans, but the man also turns out to be the best damn kisser he’s ever had. They’re evenly matched; biting and pulling on lips with sharp teeth, then soothing the slight hurt with a hot tongue; softly brushing their lips over each other and breathing the same air, before suddenly licking deep into each other’s mouths, tongues fighting for dominance.

It’s heaven, and Sebastian could do this for hours, despite knowing the beard burn is going to be bad enough as it is. Certain parts of his body seem to have other thoughts, though, and after making out for god knows how long, he’s aching and desperate for more friction. Chris seems to be in a similar state, as he’s resumed his grinding, while Seb clutches at his back, trying to pull him even closer.

“Mmmm”, he murmurs against Chris’s mouth. “Mmmhh, Chris. I – ahh – don’t want to pressure you, but this would be even better without clothes.”

“Yes, absolutely, yeah”, Chris babbles, already moving off of him and starting to tug his jeans over his hips and down his legs. Sebastian fully intends to get his own pants off, too, but gets side-tracked by watching more naked Chris appear. More naked Chris, as well as his impressively tented briefs. Sebastian can’t help himself. Drawn to it like a magnet, his right hand reaches out of its own volition and he presses the palm of it to the bulge. Chris groans loudly.

Taking that as permission, Sebastian hooks his fingers over the elastic and eases the briefs down slowly to reveal – honest to god – the most beautiful, perfect cock he has ever seen, both in real life _and_ in porn. It’s uncut, long and thick, flushed but not angry red, and it makes his mouth water instantly. He always suspected Chris was large, but this… He stares at it for a good few seconds, until Chris, a little uncertainly, asks, “Seb?”

Sebastian looks up. “Seriously?”, he asks, voice dripping with disbelief. “ _Seriously_? Could you _be_ any more perfect, Evans? Leave something for the rest of us, will ya. Jeez.”

The tips of Chris’s ears turn red, betraying his embarrassment, but he still sounds a little defiant when he asks, “Better than Jon, huh?”     

Sebastian is pretty sure he feels his eyes darken in response. So Chris _was_ jealous. “No competition, Chris. Believe me.”

His answer seems to please Chris and set him at ease at the same time. Sitting back on his heels, cock proudly jutting out, he looks at Seb expectantly. It takes him a second to catch on, too distracted by the sight of this literal fantasy come to life, but as soon as he does he scrambles to get his own pants and brief off his legs. While not quite as impressive as Chris, his own erect dick is actually nothing to be ashamed of either; he’s a grower, not a shower. He’s still relieved when Chris seems to like what he sees, too, his eyes hungrily fixating on it the second the boxer briefs are off.

For a moment, neither of them moves.

Then, still staring, Chris reaches out a hand and gently wraps it around Sebastian’s length. Seb almost collapses forward at the touch, if it weren’t for a firm hand on his shoulder keeping him upright.

"Shhh… Easy there, Seb", Chris soothes as he gives his cock a few slow strokes. It’s a bit embarrassing how quickly the roles seem to have reversed. Sebastian may act like he’s in control of the situation, but the reality is he’s just as overwhelmed as Chris is.

He groans out something unintelligible, trying to take a deep, calming breath, only to choke on that very breath when Chris suddenly dips his head down to lick at the head of his cock, lapping up the precome that's already gathered there. His appreciative hum is almost drowned out by Sebastian shouting Chris’s name, followed by a string of expletives. Chris glances up at him with a wicked glint in his eye before ducking down again, this time wrapping his sinful lips around him, engulfing him in the soft, wet heat of his mouth. Once he’s gotten a taste, it’s like he’s dying for more, moaning lowly around Sebastian's cock, laving his tongue around the head and sucking him down like there’s no tomorrow. He might not have a whole lot of technique yet, but this is Chris, and Chris never does things by halves. As Sebastian lets his head fall back, he thinks; _there_ ’s that typical enthusiasm he’s so fond of.

He’s got his hands in Chris's hair, not pushing or pulling, but just gently curling and uncurling his fingers in it, scratching lightly at his scalp. He wonders if he might actually pass out, that’s how good the feeling of _Chris_ going to town on his dick is. He can hear himself babbling, his filter shot to pieces already.

"Yeah, shit, _fuck_ , just like that, Chris", he pants. " _God_ , that hot fucking mouth of yours… feels incredible, _you're_ incredible…"

When he feels he's getting close, which is embarrassingly quickly, he starts pulling on Chris's hair, gently but urgently. "Chris, I'm gonna – uhh, you gotta stop, please..."

Chris pulls off with an obscene popping sound. "You can come in my mouth if you want, I don't mind", he says, eyes wide and sincere, and Jesus Christ, there's no way in hell Sebastian deserves this man. He chuckles breathlessly, almost hysterically.

"Believe me, sweetheart”, he says – and is it a trick of the light or do Chris's eyes darken at the endearment? – “I'd like that a lot, but I don't want this to be over quite yet." He gently pets Chris's cheek, amazed at how this big man is almost purring under his palm. “What would you like to do now, Chris? It’s up to you.”

Chris sits up a little, not quite meeting Sebastian’s eyes. He clears his throat, but doesn’t say anything.

“Chris? You gotta tell me what you want, darling, ‘cause I don’t wanna do anything you might not want to do.”

Chris shoots him a furtive look, a blush appearing high on his cheekbones despite what he’d just been doing. Charmed, Sebastian reckons he can probably guess what’s going on here here, and decides that this requires a direct approach.

“Do you wanna fuck me, Chris?”, he asks candidly, cocking his head as he watches for Chris tense visibly, nostrils flaring. Encouraged, Seb goes on, “Would you like that, hmm? You could take me from behind, or I could ride you?”

Chris actually whimpers at that, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.

“It’s okay, honey”, Sebastian soothes, liberal with the pet names now that he finally can. Putting his hands on Chris’s unfairly slim waist, he ducks his head to look him in the eye. “I _want_ you to fuck me, Chris. I want you to fuck me so bad…” He bites his lip, feeling rather a lot like a porn star, but it has the desired effect. Chris suddenly launches himself at him, pushing him back onto the bed, eager hands all over his body.

“How?”, he growls, in between kisses.

“Condoms in my wallet and there’s lube in the night stand”, Sebastian gasps.

That actually makes Chris pause for a second.

“Really?”, he asks, a little bemused. “You brought lube on your holiday?”

“I didn’t _bring_ it”, Sebastian defends himself. “It was in the drawer. Check yours later, there’s probably some in there, too.”

Chris lets out a breathless laugh and drops his head onto Sebastian’s shoulder. “I’m gonna have to ask Scarlett about that”, he murmurs, pressing his lips against Seb’s clavicle.

“Yeah, well, first things first”, says Sebastian, reaching for the drawer of the nightstand. After a little fumbling, he lifts out the small bottle. Carefully watching Chris, he asks, “Do you want me to do it, or would you like to help?”

A blush rapidly spreads over Chris’s face and neck as he stammers, “I mean, I can – but I don’t, um…”

Sebastian is quick to stop his floundering this time. “It’s alright, I don’t mind doing it myself, honestly. You can watch, though, if you like”, he says, letting his voice drop to a sultry purr.

Chris seems to be holding his breath now, but he nods, so Sebastian moves up a little on the bed, until he can lean forwards against the headboard. Popping the cap off the lube, he coats his fingers with it and brings his right hand back behind him, reaching between his cheeks. He circles his slick fingers around his hole, teasing himself a little, and then slowly starts to push in his middle finger. He moans at the sensation – it’s been too long since he did this.

Taking his time, he moves the finger in and out for a while, getting used to the feeling, before carefully inserting his index finger as well and scissoring, steadily opening himself up so that soon, he’ll be able to accommodate something much, _much_ bigger. He’s panting a little now, moving his hand to thrust the two fingers in and out faster. Knowing that Chris is watching his every move makes him feels open and exposed, yet also incredibly turned on. When, after a while, he’s about to add a third finger, he suddenly feels a steadying hand on his wrist.

“Wait”, Chris says. Sebastian can’t see his face, but his voice sounds strangely focused.

From the corner of his eye, he sees Chris grabs the bottle of lube and put some on his fingers, then feels him slide his hand down Sebastian’s wrist and hand until he reaches his opening. His fingers tentatively stroke the place where his rim is stretched around his fingers, and Seb lets his head drop forward at the lewdness of the sensation.

“Can I?”, Chris asks, voice almost a whisper.

Sebastian nods quickly. “Yes.”

When Chris very slowly starts pushing in his thick index finger next to his, Sebastian lets out a hiss, momentarily unsure if it’s more in pleasure or in discomfort. Chris stills for a moment, until Sebastian shudders and says, “It’s okay, Chris, it’s good.” Reassured, he starts pushing again and when his finger is fully in, up until the third knuckle, Seb starts moving his own, making Chris move with him.

“Jesus, you’re so tight”, Chris breathes reverently, stroking his hip with his free hand. Sebastian just hums, biting his lip.

After a minute or so, Chris softly asks, “Can I… can I do it?” Sebastian stops moving his fingers and looks at him over his shoulder. Chris looks captivated, staring intently at where their joint fingers are disappearing into Sebastian’s body.

“Yeah”, he replies with a soft smile, carefully easing his fingers out. Chris doesn’t waste any time and immediately replaces them with his own, faint, slick noises filling the air once more as he slowly starts to move them in and out. 

“Faster, please”, Sebastian says, and Chris obliges, thrusting his fingers in and out quicker and experimentally curling them inside of him. The third time he does it, his fingers brush up against Seb’s prostate, causing him to let out a startled shout.

“Aahh - _fuck_ ”, he pants.

“I’m sorry!”, Chris blurts immediately, a note of panic to his voice. “Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry!”

Laughing breathlessly, Sebastian rocks down on Chris’s fingers on his own power, seeing as Chris is frozen to the spot. “No, I’m alright, Chris, I swear. That was just... the good spot, you know?”

“ _Oh,_ ” Chris breathes when it dawns on him what that means. He still seems a little shaky though, so Sebastian says, “Come here”, and Chris plasters himself to his back to kiss him sideways over his shoulder; a little clumsy due to the angle, but still better than any kiss he’s had before today. Chris starts moving his fingers again, curling them carefully until he finds the sweet spot inside of him. As fireworks go off throughout his body, Sebastian moans helplessly into Chris’s mouth.

“Yeah, _yes_ , uhhh Chris, that feels so good… please don’t – ahh….” He’s not really aware of what he’s saying, it’s all just a little overwhelming, but Chris seems to like him being vocal, encouraging him with little querying noises and words, occasionally brushing a kiss over his tailbone. When Chris reaches around and wraps his other hand around Sebastian’s cock, stroking him tightly, leisurely, and so so good, Seb has to bat his hand away after only a minute or two.

“Okay, Chris, gonna have to stop again, sweetheart”, he pants, catching his breath with his cheek pressed to Chris’s. “Don’t want to come before I’ve had you in me.”

Chris groans, dropping his forehead on Sebastian’s shoulder. “Oh _god_ , I wanna be inside you so bad, Seb, I want to – I want – " he chokes out, desperation lacing his voice.

Sebastian turns around to face Chris fully, taking his head between his hands. “Breathe, honey, just breathe for me, ‘kay?” He kisses Chris firmly on the lips, once, and then looks straight into his eyes as he says, “You can have it all. Everything you want, I’m gonna give to you. But we have time, so let’s take it easy, alright?”

Chris nods seriously, his eyes fixed on Sebastian’s, seemingly finding something there that calms him down.

“Okay”, he says after a moment. “I’m good.”

“Yeah? Okay, lemme just grab a condom”, Sebastian says, moving off the bed. Chris grabs his hand, though, and won’t let go, so he rummages through his wallet one handed. As he climbs back onto the bed, he throws the packet onto one of the pillows. Chris gives him a questioning look.

“Sit back for me, will ya?”, Seb instructs. Chris obediently shuffles backwards until he’s leaning against the headboard, and Sebastian shifts to kneel between his spread legs. He runs his hands over Chris’s thighs, cursing softly at the feel of the powerful muscle under his hands.

“Goddammit, Chris, you’re gorgeous. Really fucking gorgeous.”

Chris doesn’t scoff or blush this time, just looks at Sebastian with that same raw want he saw earlier, that he’s never seen before tonight. It makes Sebastian feel even more naked than he already is, if that were at all possible.

Then, without warning, Seb leans forward and swallows down as much of that perfect cock as he can in one go. Chris lets out a strangled shout, turning into a long, continuous moan as Sebastian starts giving him some serious head. _It even tastes amazing_ , he thinks disbelievingly. He would tell Chris, but he’s kinda got his mouth full here.

Chris puts a hand on Sebastian’s head, threading his fingers through his hair. When Sebastian does something particularly wicked with his tongue, running it over the rim under the head and then pressing it into the slit, Chris jerks and accidentally pulls on Seb’s hair. Sebastian, who fucking _loves_ getting his hair pulled, lets out an enthusiastic moan around Chris’s cock, the vibrations serving to drive Chris even more wild.

“Oh fuck”, Chris grinds out through clenched teeth, his abs tensing with the effort to keep his hips still. “Yeah, you like that, Seb? You like me pulling your hair while you suck my cock?”

Sebastian moans wantonly, loving the dirty talk, which prompts Chris to give another experimental tug on his hair, forcibly pulling his head back. This time, Seb’s mouth falls open and his eyes roll back in his head just as he feels his cock twitch.

“ _God_. Come here”, Chris commands in a thick voice. He pulls Sebastian up and immediately licks into his mouth, tasting himself on Seb’s tongue. “I gotta be in you now, baby, I can’t wait anymore.”

Sebastian nods shakily, and grabs the condom off the pillow. He carefully rips open the foil and then slowly rolls it down over Chris’s cock, still slick from his spit. Chris is breathing heavily, almost vibrating with anticipation, and Seb moves to straddle Chris’s hips, hovering above him before gripping his cock to steady it and guide it to his hole. He leaves it pressed against his entrance for a few seconds, savoring the calm before the storm, while Chris’s hands come up to grip his hips tightly.

Then, very slowly, he starts to sink down, feeling the width of the head breach his rim, stretching him wider than he would’ve thought possible.

He loves this moment – the feeling of uniting, the burn that gives way to a sweet ache which in turn becomes a simmering pleasure. Someone, possibly both of them, moans as he sinks down on Chris’s length, feeling the slide, inch by inch until he’s fully seated on Chris’s lap, his cock buried deep inside him. Chris is leaning his head back against the headboard, eyes screwed shut and his breathing labored. It’s like he can’t look at Sebastian right now, or he’ll come on the spot. Sebastian gives them both a moment to adjust to the sensations, then gives an experimental roll of his hips. Chris’s eyes fly open.

”Oh shit, oh god”, he chokes out, digging his fingers into his hips even harder. “You’re so fucking _tight_ , Seb, Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah?”, Sebastian asks breathlessly. “Tell me how I feel around you, Chris.”

He doesn't need to be told twice. “Oh, you feel so good, baby," he swears. "Best thing I’ve ever felt. You’re so tight and hot… Ahh, god, fuck, I just want to stay here forever." He wraps his arms around Seb’s back and buries his face in the crook of his neck, kissing and licking his throat, moving up a little to bite at his jaw and press a soft little kiss to the dimple in his chin.

Sebastian is suddenly overwhelmed with pure, unadulterated love for this man, trembling underneath him. He trusts him, so completely, and finds that he has no trouble letting all of his defenses down around him now. He kisses Chris again, pouring all of that love into the kiss and hoping that he can convey some of it without using words that would surely be premature.

Slowly, he starts to lift himself up, feeling the hot, heavy presence of Chris’s cock inside of him, before sinking down again, making them both groan at the incomparable feeling. He repeats the motion, and again, speeding it up, rocking himself down on Chris’s cock, until Chris can’t seem to hold himself back any longer and starts snapping his hips up to push even deeper up into Sebastian.

He groans, “I’m in so deep, Seb”, and Sebastian’s heart skips at the thought that he might mean that in more than just a physical sense.

“Yeah, baby”, he purrs lewdly, meeting his thrusts, spurring Chris on with a hand tangled in the hair on the back of his head. “You’re so deep inside of me, making me take every inch of your big cock…”

Chris seems to lose the last shred of his self-control at his words and he grunts, animal instincts taking over, slamming Sebastian’s hips down onto his own and making him feel like he’s being split open, in the best possible way.

Then, Chris suddenly grabs proper hold of him and flips them over, so that Sebastian is lying on his back again with Chris between his legs. Chris’s is so big that he doesn’t even slip out of him during the turn, which enables Chris to immediately start fucking again, sinking in deeper with every thrust, the sounds of skin slapping on skin mingling with their moans.

Sebastian wraps his legs around Chris’s hips to draw him in even deeper and starts babbling again. “Yeah, fuck me, right there, just like that… oh my god, Chris, you’re so _big_.”

“And you’re _mine,_ ” Chris growls possessively, wrapping a hand around Sebastian’s cock and stroking in time with the thrusts that are rocking Seb’s body higher and higher up the bed. Before he knows it, that exquisite warmth starts pooling low in his groin and he realizes he’s close. High, keening noises that he can’t hold back escape him as he clutches desperately at Chris’s back, his mind unable to focus on anything but Chris and the pleasure that’s rising and rising and rising until he thinks he can’t take it anymore.

A few more strokes, together with the scrape of Chris’s teeth over his throat, and Sebastian is done, coming in spurts of white over Chris’s hand and his own stomach, whimpering, almost sobbing as Chris fucks him through his orgasm.

“Yes”, Sebastian breathes as he starts to come down from his high, eyes closed and head lolling back. “'m yours, Chris.”

Those words are what seem to do it for Chris. He thrusts into Sebastian a handful more times, then tips over the edge as well - face perfectly still, mouth falling open, and Sebastian watches with rapt attention as he falls apart. He’s beautiful.

“You’re beautiful”, he murmurs against Chris neck as soon as he collapses on top of him, sweaty and panting. It’s the closest he can come to the truth without saying too much, too soon.

Chris lifts his head slightly to look at him then, eyes soft, and brings a hand up to the back of Sebastian’s neck to push their mouths together. He stays there for a little while, breathing through his nose, just savoring the closeness. 

Eventually, Chris eases out of him, leaving him feeling strangely empty and cold. He whimpers as Chris pulls back, deftly removing and tying the condom as he gets up to go to the bathroom.

“I’ll be right back”, Chris promises, and he is, only a minute later. The relief Sebastian feels is irrational but real as anything. Chris has brought a damp towel, which he uses to gently clean Sebastian’s soft cock and his stomach, and after he’s tossed the towel to the ground, he climbs back onto the bed, literally scoops Sebastian up in his arms, and lies them both down in the middle of the mattress. Chris pulls and prods at him until he’s cuddled up close, Seb’s limbs draped over his body, facing each other. He brings a hand up to cup Sebastian’s cheek, swiping his thumb back and forth over his cheekbone.

“That was… incredible”, Chris exhales, still looking a little floored. He presses a soft kiss to Sebastian’s lips. “Thank you.”

Sebastian chuckles softly, stroking the sweat-damp hair of Chris’s forehead. “No need to thank me, Chris. Not like you’re the only one that enjoyed it.”

“I can’t believe we just did that”, Chris says, eyes wide.

“I can’t believe we never did that _before,_ ” Sebastian returns.

Chris gives him a strange look then, a little uncertain. “So… would you have wanted to? Before?”

For a moment, Sebastian considers how honest he should be, but… Fuck it. He’s in so deep now anyway that he might as well just come clean entirely. He’s already risked it all with what they’ve just done, so there’s nothing to do now but go all in and hope for the best.

“Chris”, he says quietly, “I’ve wanted to do this since that night you crashed at my place after the first time you broke up with Minka.”

Silence. Chris seems to have stopped breathing, and Sebastian can’t read the look in his eyes right then. Shit. Was that too much? It was too much, wasn’t it?

“I - I mean”, he stutters, trying to backtrack. “I mean like, not in a creepy way, obviously. We were friends first of all, of course, I’d never –“ He’s cut off by Chris’s mouth on his. There’s a desperate quality to the kiss that Sebastian doesn’t quite understand.

“Please don’t take it back”, Chris says pleadingly when he breaks away, looking like he’s close to tears.

“Okay. Okay, Chris. Shhhh… It’s alright”, Sebastian soothes. He’s not sure what it is about this that’s affecting Chris so much, but he can’t stand to see him hurting, so he softly strokes his hair and says it again.

“You came over and you were feeling so low, going on and on about how stupid you were, and how you couldn’t make any relationship work, and all I could think was; I _have_ to make him see how amazing he is. He _has_ to know that anyone would be lucky to have him. And that’s when I realized that _I_ wanted to have you. Your friendship has always meant so much to me, but all this time I’ve wanted more, Chris. I’ve wanted to hold you, wanted to kiss you, wanted to –”, but that’s when his voice breaks, and it’s just in time, too.

By this point, Chris actually is crying. Silent tears are streaming down his cheeks, and he buries his face in the crook of Sebastian’s shoulder while he tries to draw shuddering breaths.

“Oh baby, sweetheart, hey,” Sebastian coos worriedly, heart clenching at the sight of Chris crumbling like this. He keeps on running his fingers through Chris’s messy hair. “What’s going on, huh? Did I say something wrong?”

“No, no,” Chris sniffs, visibly making an effort to get it together. He wipes at his face with a hand, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself a little. “Sorry.”

“You got nothing to be sorry for, honey. Just, tell me what is it, okay? When you’re ready.”

Chris nods, blinking rapidly. After a few more moments, he looks up with red-rimmed eyes and meets Sebastian’s gaze. There’s a determined vulnerability in his expression that’s like a punch to the gut.

“Seb…”, Chris starts, but then his voice breaks and he has to take a deep, shuddering breath before he can try again. “Sebastian. I’ve been in love with you since the first time you ever smiled at me.”

Sebastian suddenly feels like he's gone into free-fall, for real this time, his stomach swooping and the blood roaring in his ears. “What?”, he whispers weakly, once he’s regained his capacity for speech.

Apparently determined now to get it all out, Chris continues. “You smiled at me, and I was a goner. Nothing I could do. You were just the best thing I’d ever seen and you only got better once I got to know you. I’ve wanted you for so long I can’t even remember what it was like _not_ to want you. Even when I broke up with Minka, I came to you because you were the only person I really wanted to be with. I’m afraid – I think –” He pauses, seemingly struggling to find the right words. “No, I _know_ , all my previous relationships have failed because I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. I’ve tried, I’ve really tried to get over you, to keep my distance, but I just… I can’t do it." He shakes his head and takes Sebastian’s face between his hands. “I’m sorry if this is too much –“, he says, before chuckling self-deprecatingly and adding, “There’s no “if” about it, I _know_ this is too much, but I just can’t keep it in anymore. I’m done. I’m done with running away from you, done with pining for you, with being afraid. I love you, Sebastian, and I _really_ need you to know it.”

When he’s finished talking, he looks almost stubborn, ready to get shot down and defend himself.

But Sebastian’s heart is bursting with love and affection for this head-strong, kind, big-hearted, strong-willed, sometimes scared, beautiful man.

 _Chris loves him_. Has always loved him.

Suddenly, Sebastian breaks out into a smile that feels like it’s about to split his face in two. “Chris, you absolute…”, he starts, but chokes up as soon as he starts talking, and then he’s laughing and crying at the same time, trying to speak through his tears.

“I can’t believe”, he heaves, “how much time we wasted.” A sob escapes from his throat. “We are such _idiots_.”

“I know”, Chris groans, kissing Sebastian’s forehead and then hugging him close to his chest. “I know, baby.”

They spend a little while like that, laughing and crying and kissing, until they’re both exhausted, mentally and physically spent. Chris gets up to get them a glass of water, which Sebastian drinks gratefully, and then settles down again. Chris presses his chest to Sebastian’s back, spooning him, and Seb breathes out a content little sigh. This might be the most comfortable he’s ever felt in his entire life. At one point, Chris starts to say something else, but Sebastian is already half asleep.

“Hush, baby”, he murmurs. “We can talk more tomorrow”.

He can feel rather than see Chris nodding. “Goodnight, Sebby.”

“Goodnight, Chris.”

Sebastian sleeps soundly through the night, feeling safe, secure and loved in Chris’s strong arms.


	8. Sunday

The first thing Chris notices when he wakes up is how incredibly warm it is. Warm and light. He blinks open his eyes and all he can see is a mop of messy brown hair, right under his nose. Smiling soppily, he presses a gentle kiss to the top of Sebastian’s head. Seb is pressed close to his side, arm thrown over his waist, which would explain the warmth. The light, he establishes, is a result of the fact that they forgot to close the curtains _. It’s a good thing we don’t have any neighbors_ , he thinks, as he feels his face heating up at the memory of last night.

When he stretches, as much as he _can_ stretch with Sebastian half on top of him, he suddenly notices that he really, really has to pee. Sebastian stirs, groaning softly at being woken up, but once he realizes who’s lying next to him, his cute, frowny face slowly blooms into a soft smile. Chris’s breath catches in his throat at the sight, and he immediately has to lean in to kiss Sebastian softly on the lips, morning breath be damned.

“Hmmm…” Sebastian hums against his mouth, stretching languidly before folding his arms and then his legs around Chris like a particularly affectionate octopus. “Mornin’”, he croaks.

“Good morning, beautiful”, Chris smiles down at him, wincing slightly when Sebastian’s tight hug squeezes his bladder. “I’d love to stay and cuddle, but I really gotta pee, and I think Dodger probably does, too”.

Sebastian snorts, nose crinkling in amusement. “I love it when you talk dirty to me."

Chris snickers and bends down again to kiss Sebastian’s adorable, scrunched nose. Oh god, he’s going to be unbearably sappy from now on, isn’t he?

Reluctantly, he extricates himself from Seb’s vise-like grip, ignoring his unhappy whining for the time being.

“Don’t go anywhere”, Chris orders. “I’ll be as quick as I can, and when I get back, I’m gonna have _you_ for breakfast”, he promises with an exaggerated, lascivious wink.

Even though he meant it to come off as dorky, it still causes Sebastian’s eyes to darken, and his voice is husky when he replies, “Well, hurry up then.”

Not wanting to waste a second of being in bed with Sebastian, Chris quickly grabs his shorts and t-shirt from the floor, tripping over all the clothes that are strewn around, and then nearly tripping again when he leaves the room, over Dodger this time. The dog is sleeping soundly on the mat in front of Sebastian’s bedroom door.

“Ooff! Hey boy, I didn’t see you there”, he apologizes, scratching him behind the ears. Dodger just yawns at him lazily. “I’m just gonna go to the bathroom and then I’ll take you out, okay?”

“Less talking to your dog, more peeing and hurrying up, please”, comes Sebastian’s voice through the door, then. Chris barks out a laugh, feeling so happy and energized that he’s sure he could run a marathon right now. Well, as soon as he’s peed, that is.

After he’s relieved himself, he decides to brush his teeth and have a quick but thorough shower. He doesn’t know what will happen when he gets back to bed, but he’s not taking any chances. When he’s done, he goes to find Dodger and takes him out for a brief walk, apologizing to him all the while for not giving him more attention and promising to take him out properly later today. Probably. Depending on what Seb has in store for him. He shivers at the thought.

Once he's given Dodger his food and refreshed his water, Chris grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and two bananas from the fruit bowl and heads straight back to the bedroom - but when he opens the door, Sebastian isn’t there. He experiences a brief flare of panic before he notices the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. He blows out a quick breath, and as his heart rate starts to settle again, he shakes his head at himself and sits down on the edge of the bed to eat one of the bananas. 

Thankfully, it’s just a minute or two before Sebastian appears in the doorway, naked except for the towel that’s slung low on his hips. Chris inhales deeply, a little shakily, as he eagerly takes in the man before him.

Sebastian leans against the frame and cocks his head. “You ready for me?”, he asks, almost matter-of-factly.

When Chris nods dumbly, Seb brings his hand to the knot in the towel, slowly unfastening it until it falls to the floor with a soft, rustling sound. He’s already half-hard, and Chris brain short-circuits immediately.

“I got you a banana”, he says lamely.

Sebastian smirks at him then, looking sexy and confident and lovely.

“Later”, he replies, before striding towards where Chris is sitting on the bed and firmly pushing him back onto the mattress. He climbs on top of Chris and hungrily attacks his mouth, tongue pushing in straight away without asking for permission, but Chris would’ve happily granted it anyway. Seb pulls back a little, catching Chris’s lower lip between his teeth and pulling at it lightly. Chris moans at the sensation, already embarrassingly turned on.

“Seb”, he croaks, when Sebastian has released his lip and is licking at it with his tongue, soothing it.

“Yes, baby?” Seb murmurs teasingly, clearly aware of the effect he’s having on Chris right now.

“I want you.” He’s already starting to squirm underneath Sebastian’s body, his hands on his hips.

“I know, baby”, Seb says, then sits back, his bare thighs straddling Chris’s shorts-clad ones. Chris uses the moment to hungrily take in Sebastian’s body, eyes roaming from his strong arms to his lithe, muscular chest and the smattering of hair there, over his defined abs and down to his narrow hips. He lets his hands trail in his eyes’ wake, reveling in the feeling of the hard muscle under his hands - so different from all the women he’s been with, but so stunning in his own right. Finally, _finally_ , after years of holding back, he gets to look, gets to touch.

Sebastian closes his eyes as Chris caresses him reverently, and leans into the touch, savoring it. When he finally opens is eyes again, he leans down to kiss Chris sweetly and whispers against his lips, “Can I try something?”

Chris nods immediately. “Anything,” he answers earnestly.

Sebastian cocks his head. “Anything?”

He takes a moment to consider, but realizes with a surge of emotion that he trusts Sebastian unconditionally. So he nods again, slowly this time. “Yeah.”

Sebastian’s eyes darken visibly, and he surges forward to capture his lips in a searing kiss. "Okay," he says, when he eventually breaks away. "Let me take care of you then, sweetheart.” He moves off of Chris, helping him pull off his clothes, then shuffles back on the bed.

“Turn around for me?”

Chris sucks in a sharp breath, but does as he’s told, rolling around and leaning on his elbows and tilting his ass up a little. His heart start to race in anticipation as he hears Sebastian move off the bed briefly, before feeling it dip when he climbs back on. He feels his strong, graceful hands run down his back, moving from his shoulder blades, down and down until they reach the swell of his ass.

“So beautiful”, Sebastian rumbles. “God, your perfect ass, Chris. You don’t know how many times I’ve stared at this ass and thought of all the things I wanted to do to it.”

Chris lets out the breath he was holding in a rush, still struggling to believe that Sebastian wants him, even confronted with evidence like this.

Sebastian gently starts kneading the firm muscle. “Just relax, baby. Let me know if you want me to stop.”

Chris nods shakily, cheek pressed into the mattress. He feels lips press to the dips on his lower back, slowly moving down in a trail of wet kisses until they reach his tailbone, and he shivers.

Then, he feels Sebastian’s tongue lick into the cleft of his ass. Chris moans helplessly, grinding his hips down into the mattress and screwing his eyes shut.

“Okay?”, Sebastian asks from behind him.

“Yes, yeah”, Chris breathes, silently willing him to continue.

Sebastian hums, then uses both his hands to push his ass cheeks apart, spreading him open. Chris feels so exposed, and so unbearably aroused as he pictures Sebastian behind him, staring at his most private parts with hungry eyes. The embarrassment the thought conjures sends exquisite little tremors down his spine, and he’s about to start squirming under the attention when Sebastian finally dips down again and slowly drags his tongue over Chris’s hole, once.

“Nngghh.” Chris spasms, bucking his ass up towards Sebastian’s face. Seb just chuckles and gently pushes his back down onto the mattress, pinning him there. Spreading him wide again, Sebastian then starts licking in little, wet circles around his opening; kitten licks that tickle in the best kind of way and cause his dick to start leaking drops of precome onto the sheets below him. Seb makes hungry noises in the back of his throat, as if eating Chris out was exactly what he wanted for breakfast, and when Chris starts to buck again, desperate for more, Sebastian accommodates by pointing his tongue and pushing it into Chris’s hole, fucking him with his tongue.

“Holy ffff…!”, Chris cries, eyes flying open and his hands gripping the sheets. Sebastian continues to lick into Chris, as deep as it’ll go, and Chris can feel saliva dripping down his perineum and onto his sensitive balls. It's filthy, and he loves it. Seb alternates licking with sucking, and gentle bites to his cheeks, but always follows it up with strokes of his hot tongue. Chris is panting now, the incomparable feeling of Sebastian’s tongue – _his tongue_ – up his ass driving him absolutely crazy. Seb then moves down a little to mouth at his balls, licking and massaging them with his mouth, and Chris has to do his utmost to hold himself still instead of writhing around on the bed from pure pleasure.

Suddenly, Seb’s mouth moves away and Chris very nearly wails.

“Shhh, sweetheart”, Sebastian soothes. “Just one second.”

He rummages around for a bit, and soon, but not nearly soon enough, Seb puts his hands on him again, pulling at his hips slightly to urge him up. He feels briefly self-conscious, with his ass up in the air, but the delicious embarrassment at presenting himself like this for Sebastian’s inspection simultaneously sends heat coursing over his already over-heated skin. Sebastian smooths his hands over his ass again.

“So unbelievably gorgeous, Chris. You have no idea”, he says, sounding almost disbelieving.

Chris moans in response, already past caring about whether or not he sounds like a slut. He supposes he does, and the thought actually only serves to make him even _more_ hot.

He hears a cap popping off a bottle then, and realizes with a dizzying rush what’s to come. After waiting impatiently for a few moments, he can feel a finger lightly pressing against his hole, slick with what he knows to be lube.

When he draws in a quick breath, Sebastian asks, “Still okay?”

“God, yes, please”, Chris nearly sobs.

Sebastian wastes no more time and carefully starts pushing his finger in, past the initial resistance, up until the first digit, giving Chris time to get used to the intrusion. But Chris doesn’t need time, he needs more, so he impatiently wiggles his hips and starts pushing back onto Seb’s finger. Sebastian lets out a quiet gasp, and then Chris feels him bite down none too gently on his right ass cheek.

“Ngghh,” Chris grunts again, the sharp pain only serving to intensify his arousal.

Sebastian starts moving his finger, dipping it in and out, circling it gently inside him, searching – and then he finds it. Chris nearly flies off the bed, completely caught off guard by the sheer intensity of the feeling.

“Oh my _god_ ”, he pants brokenly, “what the fuck.”

Sebastian laughs quietly and kisses his lower back, the hand that isn’t otherwise occupied stroking up and down Chris’s flank.

“That good, sweetheart?”, Sebastian asks. Chris doesn’t even dignify that with an answer, instead asking, demanding, _more_.

Sebastian obliges, slowly easing in a second finger next to the first. When they’re fully buried inside Chris’s ass, he starts thrusting them in and out, varying the speed and occasionally brushing up against that spot inside of him until Chris is a broken, panting mess. Without asking for permission, but all the while soothingly stroking his hip, Seb then adds a third finger, causing a vague, brief discomfort that fades within a few minutes.

He starts scissoring in earnest then, and curling his fingers until he’s purely stimulating Chris’s prostate and Chris has collapsed forwards onto the bed, crying out softly, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes as his cock throbs where it’s trapped between his abs and the mattress.

Sebastian takes mercy on him eventually, easing his fingers out as Chris is lying flat on his stomach, too dazed to move or even protest. He massages his thighs, kneading out some of the tension that’s built there, before retreating entirely.

Even in his blissed-out state, Chris can hear the tell-tale rustle of foil, and, half out of his mind with arousal, he suddenly hears himself slurring, “You going to fuck me, Sebby?”

Immediately, Sebastian comes to lie down next to him, taking his face in his hands and pressing one, two, three soft kisses to his slack mouth. He looks into his eyes intently; searching for something, it seems.

“Only if that’s okay with you, sweetheart. Do you want me to?”, he asks earnestly, stroking his cheekbone.

“Yes”, Chris breathes. “Please fuck me, Sebastian.”

Sebastian briefly screws his eyes shut at that, groaning softly. When he opens them again, he kisses him hard. “Okay, Chris, I will. I will.”

He scrambles back up again, leaning over Chris’s back, and mere moments later Chris feels the drag of a hard cock between his cheeks. It’s shocking how much he craves it. Seb moves it back and forth a few times, testing the waters, before he lines himself up, rubbing a soothing hand over Chris’s left hip.

Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, Sebastian pushes. Chris starts moaning as soon as the head breaches his rim, and keeps moaning until Sebastian is buried inside up to the hilt. He expected the feeling to be awkward, painful even maybe, but instead he fucking _loves it_. Loves being filled up, loves the idea that he now has part of Sebastian inside of him. He's craved the closeness for so long, and they'd be hard pressed to get any closer than this.

He suddenly becomes aware of Sebastian’s labored breathing above him, and brings up a hand, silently asking for one of his. Seb catches on quickly and takes his hand, intertwining their fingers and pressing a quick kiss to his knuckles, before he lets go again to plant his hands next to Chris’s shoulders on the mattress, holding himself up.

He starts moving his hips then, shallowly pushing in and pulling out again, causing them both to groan and Seb’s arms to shake. He’s gentle at first, careful and paying close attention to Chris’s reactions, but as soon as he realizes he has nothing to worry about, he picks up the pace bit by bit, pushing in deeper and deeper with every thrust, until it feels like they’ve become one person, alight with sensation. Chris feels like all his nerve endings are sparking, even as waves of affection keep threatening to pull him under. He had no idea sex could feel like this.

Sebastian changes position after a while, sitting back on Chris’s thighs and placing his hands at the top of his ass, pushing him down slightly. This way, his cock drags over Chris’s prostate with every stroke, and as Sebastian starts going at it in earnest, fucking into him with abandon, Chris feels more undone than he’s ever felt in his entire life. It’s then that he finally starts babbling.

“Oh – my – god”, he pushes out on every thrust. “Yes, please, Seb, _fuck me._ Harder, harder, _please_. Come on, baby, I need you...”

He’s begging now, and Sebastian is thrusting into him mercilessly, snapping his hips forward to meet Chris’s ass with the sound of skin on skin. Chris’s legs are spread slightly, just enough to allow Sebastian to be buried balls-deep inside of him.

“You like that, huh, sweetheart?”, Sebastian grunts, voice strained from the effort of pounding Chris's ass into next week but still managing to sound tender somehow. ”You like me fucking your sweet, perfect ass?”

Chris sobs his agreement, and suddenly, Sebastian's hips stutter. “Oh god, the first time you have a cock up your ass and it’s _my_ cock”, he chokes out, as if he's only just realized this.

“Yes, yes, your cock, Sebastian”, Chris keens, arching his back. “Just yours.” He feels he’s getting close to his climax, even though his own dick hasn’t even been touched properly. He’s just helplessly rubbing against the mattress as Sebastian's thrusts rock his body, and that, together with the constant stimulation of his prostate, has him teetering on the edge in no time.

“I’m gonna… Seb, I’m gonna –“, he says, breath hitching.

Sebastian bends down to plaster himself to his back, and pushes his tongue into Chris's ear, making his eyes roll back into his head when he licks around the shell

“You gonna come for me, babydoll?”, Seb asks in a low growl.

“Yes”, Chris whispers, curling his fingers into the mattress and struggling to breathe.

Then, hips never slowing their punishing pace, Sebastian kisses the spot behind his ear, almost too tenderly for the situation they’re in, and breathes, “I love you too, Chris. So, _so_ much.”

With a high, keening sound, Chris instantly rushes head-first into the best orgasm of his life, pulsing his load into the sheets below him, pretty sure he’s seeing actual stars. It goes on and on and he probably sounds like he’s dying, but fuck if he cares. Sebastian steadily fucks him through it, until his hips stutter too and he stills, breath hitching before he lets out a drawn out moan. Chris feels briefly bereaved at not being able to see Sebastian’s beautiful face as he comes, but consoles himself with the thought that he’s spilling his release deep inside of him.

Seb eventually collapses on top of him, immediately pressing sloppy kisses to Chris’s ear and cheek, and just like that, Chris feels only satisfaction, and overwhelming affection for the man splayed out on his back.

They’re both breathing heavily, sweaty and gross and in dire need of another shower, but right now all Chris cares about is staying as close to Sebastian as possible. Sebastian does lift himself off of Chris eventually, making him wincing slightly when he slips out of him and Chris has to get used to the strange emptiness all of a sudden. He flops down next to him after just a few seconds, though, throwing an arm and a leg over Chris and nuzzling the side of his neck.

“I love you,” Sebastian says again, still slightly breathless. “That wasn’t just sex talk. I really fucking love you.”

Chris’s heart feels like it has burst and is leaking warmth all through his body, all the way down into his toes and fingers. He giggles then, actually freakin' giggles like a little girl, his shoulders starting to shake with mirth. Sebastian looks a little bemused at first, but Chris’s laughter is infectious and soon he’s laughing right along with him, the both of them cracking up for no apparent reason other than that they’re happy as fuck.

When they’ve finally settled down a bit, Sebastian can no longer ignore the growling of his stomach, but he refuses to eat the banana that’s ended up somewhere under the bed.

“Noooo,” he whines, “I want a real breakfast, Chris.”

Chris rolls his eyes fondly at the silly, beautiful man next to him, but caves in soon enough.

“Alright, alright, I guess you’ve earned your keep”, he quips while he rolls of the bed. “But I’m gonna have to take another shower first.”

Sebastian grumbles but has no choice but to concede unless he wants to do it himself, so he rolls over, ready to doze for a little bit longer until Chris is done. He makes a face when he touches the wet spot on the mattress though, and quickly arranges the sheets over it so that he can lie on top of them.

Chris is grinning as he retreats to the bathroom again. He feels light, and sort of floaty, the only discomfort being the vague ache in his backside. _It’s worth it though_ , he thinks dreamily. So fucking worth it.

After his shower, it takes him about twenty minutes to rustle up some breakfast, enough time for Sebastian to have another shower too since he found he couldn’t sleep anymore anyway. He’s just slid the eggs and toast onto two plates when Seb walks in, dressed in only his sweats, and immediately pins Chris to the counter, kissing him deeply.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to do this”, he murmurs through his smile.

Chris strokes Sebastian’s still damp hair off his forehead and replies, “I’m pretty sure I do.”

He pulls Seb towards the table then, sitting down (a little gingerly) and pulling him into his lap. Because he can do that now, and because there’s nobody around to judge him for being stupidly sappy and in love.

Sebastian laughs quietly. “You gonna feed me too, Chris?”

“Absolutely”, he replies with conviction. “Just you try and stop me.”

Sebastian doesn’t, and Chris proceeds to feed them both, alternating bites of food with soft, closed-mouth kisses. God, they really are disgusting.

“We’re disgusting, aren’t we?”, he asks aloud.

Sebastian grins widely at him. “So gross”, he confirms, and then ducks his head to kiss Chris on the lips again.

When they’ve both had their fill, including a much-needed caffeine fix, they finally head outside to take Dodger for a proper walk. Chris loudly proclaims again how bad he feels for neglecting his trusty, four-legged friend for so long, but Dodger just trudges up to him while he’s bent down to put on his shoes and starts licking his face.

“I think he forgives you”, Seb deadpans. Dodger barks once in agreement.

Last night’s deluge has given way to a beautiful, bright, late summer’s day, and Chris inhales deeply as soon as he steps outside.

They walk in comfortable silence for a little while. Chris has to work up some courage to do it, but eventually he takes Seb’s hand in his, threading their fingers together. He glances sideways to gauge Sebastian’s reaction, and to his delight he sees a faint blush appear high on his cheekbones. Unable to help himself, Chris darts forward and presses a light kiss to his cheek.

Sebastian huffs, and rolls his eyes fondly, squeezing Chris’s hand with a smile that he can’t seem to shake.

When they reach their favorite spot by the lake, they decide to sit down for a little to enjoy the sunshine. Sitting down obviously turns into lying down within no time at all, and before they know it, Chris has Sebastian pinned to the still cool earth, kissing him breathless. He just can’t get enough.

Dodger, however, seems to be a little skeptical as to what exactly is happening here and starts jumping around them, barking and whining, unsure whether he needs to break up this party or join it. When the barking gets too loud to ignore, Chris groans and rolls off of Sebastian.

“It’s alright, boy. Shhh, look, look, I’m off, okay?”, he shushes his dog, petting his soft, orange fur with a sigh.

Sebastian laughs, still a little out of breath, and sits up, too.

“Little cock blocker”, he coos affectionately, sticking his tongue out at Dodger.

Chris snorts and runs a hand through hair. “I can’t believe it’s Sunday”, he says suddenly. “Why the fuck did we wait until the last minute to get our shit together?”

Sebastian sighs and hangs his head. “I’m gonna have to head back tomorrow. Mackie is throwing me a birthday party”, he groans.

“He is?”, Chris asks, surprised. “How come I’m not invited?”

Sebastian gives him a look. “Well, I’m guessing he’s not sure whether you would want to be there and if you’d even want to talk to him, seeing as you haven’t exactly reached out over the last couple of months.”

He seems to realize that that sounded a bit harsh, so he adds, “I mean, _I_ may know why now, but he doesn’t, not really.”

Chris feels instantly ashamed of himself. “Shit. I really let some people down, huh?”, he asks, sounding crestfallen.

He’d always figured that Sebastian would maybe wonder why Chris suddenly wasn’t calling him at all hours, but Seb hadn’t called him either. So he had reasoned that, since they were both very busy, he probably wouldn’t have noticed Chris’s sudden absence too much, and the same, by extension, had gone for Mackie and the others. He’d never meant to hurt anyone, least of all Sebastian, but it seems like he’d done it nonetheless.

Sebastian grabs his hand and squeezes it reassuringly. “It’ll be alright, Chris. Just give him a call sometime and apologize. I’m sure he’ll forgive you in no time.”

Chris gives Seb an assessing look, before hesitantly saying, “Or, you know, I could just... come with you to New York tomorrow? If you think Mackie would be okay with that. And you, of course”, he adds hastily.

“You mean, come to the party?”, Sebastian asks, eyebrows drawn up in surprise.

“Yeah. Unless you think it would be too weird”, Chris hedges, unsure if Sebastian would be ready to have their relationship out in the open yet.

Sebastian frowns a little. “No, I guess that would be fine? It’s just a get together for friends, and people know we’re friends, right?”

Instantly, Chris’s heart sinks. “Oh”, he says softly. “Yeah, I mean, we are friends of course. I just thought that…”, he trails off, uncertainty pulling on the corners of his mouth.

“What..?”, Sebastian asks gently, expectantly.

“Well, I guess we haven’t talked about this, but I was just hoping that we could somehow…” He squeezes his eyes shut briefly. “I mean, how are we gonna go from here, Seb? Don’t you want to be together?”, he asks, feeling slightly desperate and far, far too vulnerable.

He hears Seb draw in a surprised breath. “Of _course_ I want us to be together,” he says decisively, tracing his thumb over the veins on the back of Chris’s hand.

“Just not out and proud, huh?”, Chris asks, looking at Sebastian, a wry smile on his lips.

It’s not that he blames him – it makes total sense, and just a few days ago he’d looked at it the same way. It’s just that with everything that’s happened since yesterday evening, he’d allowed himself to hope, to dream a little, and he’s not exactly looking forward to having to sneak around. Be each other’s dirty little secret for god knows how long. But if that is the only way for them to be together, then of course he won’t hesitate to do exactly that.

“Do _you_ want to come out?” Seb asks him then, little frown still in place.

Chris blows out a slow breath, rubbing his beard. “Well, I’m not exactly itching to be publicly scrutinized for my sexual preferences, and I’m sure there’d be a _lot_ of venom and hate mail, but – like I said yesterday, I’m done hiding, done with being afraid, you know?” He looks up at Sebastian then, imploringly. “I just want to love you like you deserve to be loved, Sebastian, and not hide you away like some… illicit mistress.” He pauses to think for a second. “Mister? You know what I mean.”

Sebastian’s eyes are wide, and it doesn’t look like he’s breathing. Chris isn’t sure what to make of that, so he stays silent, awaiting judgment while nervously picking on a few blades of grass near his feet.

“Chris, I –“, Sebastian starts. He clears his throat and tries again. “I mean, are you sure?”, he whispers.

Chris looks up at him, clenching his jaw determinedly. “I’m sure. I don’t care what everyone else thinks. If public scrutiny and a dent in my image and marketability is the price to pay for being with you, then I’m more than happy to pay it.”

“Jesus, Chris”, Sebastian breathes, wiping at eyes. He looks up, nods once. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

“Yeah?”, Chris asks hopefully, his heart kicking up in his chest.

“Yeah. God, yes. I would’ve come out for you in a heartbeat anyway, but I just didn’t think _you_ would want to risk everything like that.”

Chris experiences a sudden dizzying rush of love and gratitude so overwhelming that he has to lunge himself at Seb again, grabbing his face between his hands.

“I - love - you - so - much”, he says, punctuating each word with a kiss.

Sebastian giggles and just lets himself be kissed.

Finally, Chris breaks away and sighs. “So, I guess the first step is telling our friends and family, right?” He winces a little at the thought, but knows it’ll be worth it in the end. He can’t wait to bring Sebastian back home with him, take him out for dinner, to parties, movie premieres…

“Well,” Sebastian breaks into his daydreaming, “at least one of them already sort of knows.” He cocks his head thoughtfully. “Probably two, even.”

“Ah,” Chris sighs ruefully, “you mean Scott? I _knew_ he’d said something to you, conniving little bastard.”

Sebastian chuckles. “Yeah, initially I wasn’t a hundred percent sure that this was what he meant, but yeah, he was on to us. Must’ve been his gaydar.”

Chris snorts, playfully punching Sebastian on the shoulder.

“Mackie knows too, though”, Sebastian admits then.

Chris does a double take. “ _Mackie_ knows?”, he asks incredulously. “How does Mackie know?”

“Well”, Sebastian says again, and Chris notices he’s blushing again, “according to him, I’m ‘the personification of the heart-eyes emoji’ around you.” He does the air quotes and everything.

“You _are_?" Chris says, feeling like his eyes are about to pop out of his head. "Then how come I never noticed anything?”

“Because,” Sebastian says, “and I quote again, you’re ‘oblivious as fuck’.”

Chris makes an affronted face. “Oh, I am, am I? Well, how about you, then? You never noticed that I was giving you ‘heart eyes’ either. Although I am a damn good actor of course”, he adds modestly.

Sebastian snorts, somehow still cute while doing it. “Yeah, well. I may not have noticed, but Mackie sure did.”

“Oh god”, Chris groans suddenly. “And Scarlett is going to be so smug.”

Now it’s Sebastian’s turn to sound incredulous. “ _Scarlett_ knows?” 

“Yeah, well, she told me that I was being a dumbass and that I should just tell you that I wanted to suck your dick, basically” – delightedly, Chris notices how Sebastian’s eyes darken at that – “and I said I could never tell you because you obviously didn’t like me back and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. So yeah, she’s going to be insufferable”, he finishes, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“So basically,” Sebastian surmises, “everyone already knows.”

Chris laughs silently. “Pretty much. Can’t believe we were the last ones to figure it out.”

Sebastian gives him a soft look then, kissing the back of Chris’s hand. “Well, what matters is that we did. And from now on, we’re gonna make sure we communicate, alright? No more misunderstandings.”

Chris nods fiercely. Then, he looks at him and raises a wicked eyebrow. “Hey, how would you feel about fucking with them a little? Have them see how they like being in the dark for a change?”

Sebastian grins devilishly. “I like the sound of that.”

\---

That afternoon, they each call their managers to let them know about the new ‘development’. It feels a little strange to tell them before anyone else, but Chris and Sebastian are both well aware of how fast news travels in the age of social media, even just among friends, and they’re keen to spare their management any hassle that could be avoided.

Chris’s manager is understandably a bit bemused and more than a little wary, but congratulates him nonetheless and assures him that they’ll handle it.

Sebastian’s manager Emily, by contrast, is over the moon and shrieks down the line something like “I knew it” and “finally” and “Tumblr.”

Next, Chris calls his mom. He’s suddenly incredibly nervous, and starts pacing around the room as soon as he’s dialed the number. Sebastian comes up behind him and wraps his strong arms around his waist, steadying him.

“It’ll be fine, Chris. Remember how well she took it when Scott came out?”, he murmurs into his neck. “Just breathe.”

Chris nods and takes a deep breath. It’ll be fine. Sebastian is listening in over his shoulder, his steady heartbeat a reassuring presence against his back.

Finally, Lisa answers the phone.

“What’s this then, son?”, she asks teasingly. “Twice in one week? Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Yes, everything’s fine, mom. More than fine, even”, Chris says. He lets a meaningful silence fall.

Lisa seems to consider this for a moment. “More than fine, huh? Has something happened?”, she asks curiously.

“Um, yes. I guess you could say that.” Chris clears his throat. Twice. “Um. Mom.”

“Yes, darling?”

“Um. So, you know Sebastian?”

“Yes, darling, I know Sebastian. We spoke on the phone just a few days ago, remember?”

“Right, right, yes”, Chris rushes, feeling way out of his depth here. He really should’ve practiced this. “So, Sebastian… and I… are – “

“…in love?”, Lisa finishes for him.

There’s a stunned silence.

“Well, are you?”, she prompts.

“Yes”, Chris breathes. “Yeah, we are.”

“Oh sweetheart, that’s wonderful news”, his mother says warmly. “I’ve always thought you two would make such a cute couple.”

“You have?”, Chris asks, eyes wide. “I mean, really? And you’re not like, upset? That I never told you, I mean?”

“Chris, you’re my son”, Lisa says matter-of-factly. “I know you better than anyone. I’ve always suspected you liked men to some extent, I was just waiting to see whether you liked them enough to tell me about it. So I’m glad you’ve found someone that made you want to tell me. And Sebastian’s such a sweetheart.”

“Yeah - I mean, he is, but, are you sure you don’t mind having two sons in a relationship with a guy?”, he insists, although he doesn’t really know why he’s fishing like this. He guesses he just needs to be sure.

“Why would I mind, Chris? I know you don’t have kids, but when you do” – Chris notes how she says ‘when’ and not ‘if’ – you’ll realize that nothing really matters as long as they’re happy.” 

Chris shoots Sebastian a furtive glance and feels himself blushing. Surely it’s still a bit soon for _that_ conversation. But Sebastian just smiles at him, unfazed, and Chris suddenly knows that when the day comes, they’ll figure it out.

“And I know Sebastian’s gonna make you happy, honey”, Lisa finishes, smile evident in her voice.

“He already has. Thank you, mom”, Chris says, choking up, wishing she was here with him so he could hug her tightly for a minute. “You have no idea how much this means to me. To us.”

“I love you, Chris. I know this isn’t going to be easy for you, but just know that all of us are going to be there for you every step of the way, okay honey?”

“Okay. Thanks, mom”, Chris repeats sincerely.

“Now, make sure you bring that beautiful boy over for dinner sometime soon, he could do with some feeding up. And then you can tell me all about when and how you two decided to stop being a couple of chickens.”

Chris chortles, feeling about ten pounds lighter than at the start of this conversation. “I will, mom. Soon.”

They say their goodbyes then, and as soon as Chris has hung up the phone, Sebastian spins him around and kisses him softly.

“I’m proud of you, Chris”, he tells him sincerely.

Chris just sighs and holds Sebastian for a while. “Your turn”, he says eventually.

Sebastian’s call with his mom goes much along the same lines as Chris’s, although Georgeta does give Sebastian a proper scolding for not telling her about any of this earlier. Sebastian promises her that he’ll keep her in the loop from now on, and after that she just seems genuinely happy for the both of them.

Phone calls done, they have lunch on the patio, happy and relaxed in the knowledge that at least the people they’re closest too will always love and support them, no matter what. Chris knows that not everyone’s this lucky, so he feels deeply grateful for having such amazing, tolerant people around him. Hollywood’s opinion, however loud it’s going to be, doesn’t _really_ matter all that much in the end – which is something he knows he’ll need to keep reminding himself of.

But he thinks he’ll manage, with Seb’s help, with the support of his family and his friends. And Dodger, of course, but Dodger would love him no matter what, even if he suddenly decided he really wanted to date Steve Buscemi. He shudders at the thought. Nice guy, Buscemi, but not exactly boyfriend material.

Boyfriend.

The term that suddenly pops up in his head makes him stop short for a second.

With his mouth still full, he suddenly turns to Sebastian and blurts out, “Are you my boyfriend now?”

Sebastian starts laughing, almost choking on his own food in the process. “Well gee, Chris, I don’t know. Only if you’re mine, too, I suppose?”, he grins after he’s swallowed.

Chris grins back at him. “In that case, you’ve got yourself a boyfriend.”

They sit there for a minute, grinning stupidly at each other, and Chris honestly can’t remember ever feeling this happy in his entire life.

\---

Their last night at the cabin is spent cleaning (which they do to a soundtrack of 80s electronic Brit pop), packing, and perfecting their blowjob technique.

Chris puts a pan of cold water on the stove, pins Sebastian’s hips to the kitchen counter, drops down to his knees, and succeeds in making Seb whimper and come down his throat before the water has fully come to the boil.

Sebastian gets his own back after dinner, pushing Chris down into the armchair and doing some very, very wicked things with his tongue. Chris lasts about four minutes.

They’re both exhausted by 9pm and fall asleep on the couch, limbs tangled and Sebastian’s head resting on Chris’s chest.

By some miracle, Chris wakes up at 11.58pm, according to his phone. He blinks the sleep from his eyes and looks down at the man snoring lightly on his chest. Very gently, he starts brushing a hand through Sebastian’s hair.

“Hey, Seb. Baby, wake up”, he whispers.

“Nhhhggg”, Sebastian replies, burrowing closer to Chris.

“Sebby, it’s your birthday”, Chris insists, when he sees the clock turn midnight.

“Wuh?”

“It’s midnight, it’s your birthday.”

Sebastian lifts his head then, smiles sleepily at Chris and croaks, “Yaayyyyy.”

Ugh. So cute.

“Happy birthday, baby”, Chris murmurs, and softly presses his lips to Sebastian’s. Seb hums appreciatively, but doesn’t look like he’ll fully wake up anytime soon.

“You wanna go to bed, hmm?”, Chris asks him. Sebastian just hums again, so Chris takes it onto himself to get them up from the couch (prompting much muffled protesting) and into the direction of the bedrooms. They’re staying in Chris’s room tonight, since there are already clean sheets on Sebastian’s bed.

They don’t bother with brushing their teeth, only stripping down to their boxers and quickly crawling under the sheets, where Sebastian immediately resumes his koala-esque cuddling. Chris turns off the light, pressing a kiss to the top of Sebastian’s head.

“Sweet dreams, birthday boy”, he says softly. But Sebastian’s already asleep.


	9. Monday

When Sebastian blinks open his eyes, the first thing he sees is the envelope lying on the pillow right in front of his face. He frowns at it before pushing himself up on his elbows, casting a quick look around, but he’s alone. Chris must’ve gotten up earlier to take Dodger out. He picks up the envelope and carefully tears it open, shaking out its contents.

Onto the pillow fall two VIP passes to attend the next big NASA rocket launch at the Kennedy Space Center. It’s in three weeks from now.

“I thought we could make a weekend of it”, Chris’s voice suddenly comes from the doorway.

Sebastian’s head snaps up, and he feels his eyes start to burn. What’s with all the tears all of a sudden? He must be getting his period.

“You big fuckin' nerd”, he sniffs affectionately. “Come here.”

Chris comes easily, climbing onto the bed and lying down on top of him, just as he's learned Sebastian likes.

“Happy birthday, Boo Bear,” Chris says, kissing the tip of his nose.

Sebastian groans. “If you ever call me that in public again…”, he warns, but it’s an empty threat, because he’s already wrapping his arms around Chris’s neck to kiss him properly.

“Thank you, sweetheart. I love it”, he says honestly, when he pulls away. “I love you.”

He hears Chris’s breath hitch, still, even though they’ve said it plenty of times yesterday.

They lie there for a little while, breathing together, Sebastian savoring the heavy weight of Chris on top of him.

“I made you pancakes”, Chris eventually rumbles into his neck.

Immediately, Sebastian starts pushing Chris off, scrambling up.

“What the hell are we still doing here then?”, he exclaims indignantly, before he’s off to the kitchen, abandoning a grinning Chris in the rumpled bed sheets.

\---

They leave the cabin around 1pm, Sebastian letting out a heavy sigh as he pulls the door closed behind them.

“Bye, cabin”, he says. “You’ve been good to us.”

Chris just drapes an arm over his shoulder and kisses his temple. “This was only the beginning, baby”, he promises, and Sebastian believes him.

They necessarily make the three-hour drive to New York in separate cars, Chris and Dodger in his trusty pick up and Sebastian in his sleek, black Jaguar. They try and stay near one another on the road, but unsurprisingly lose each other about half an hour in. It makes Sebastian unreasonably sad, but he knows he’s being an absolute baby so he turns up the music and sings along loudly to try and get his good mood back. It works pretty well.

Chris and he have agreed to each go to their own, separate apartments first to unpack and change, before Chris will join Seb at his flat. Chris’s TriBeCa apartment, which he’s only been renting for a few months, turned out to be a stone’s throw away from Sebastian’s place in SoHo. Chris ordinarily split his time between Los Angeles and Boston, and Sebastian hadn’t even known that he had started renting a place in New York, let alone so close by. He’d assumed Chris would’ve stayed in a hotel for the duration of the Lobby Hero run, and when they’d spoken at the opening night, Chris had done nothing to disabuse him of that notion. When he’d given Sebastian the address this morning, Seb had stared at him incredulously for about a minute straight. Chris blushed bright red as he haltingly explained how, after his break-up with Jenny, he’d needed a change of scenery and had basically missed Sebastian so much that, when he’d been feeling particularly low one evening, he’d made a spur of the moment decision to get a place about a fifteen-minute walk from where he knew Seb was living.

Of course, as soon as Chris told him this, Sebastian immediately forgot to be mad with him and promptly threw his arms around his brand spanking new boyfriend, hugging him tightly. He practically bounced with excitement when Chris told him about his plans to spend the majority of his time in New York from now on. Even with how crazy both their lives can get, now that they live this close to each other, they’ll still be able to spend a fair amount of time together.

When Sebastian has finished unpacking, which takes him all of about five minutes since he didn’t actually bring that much to begin with, he tidies up a little while he waits for Mackie to arrive. His friend had sent him a text this morning to congratulate him in true-Mackie style (with a ridiculous, pouty selfie) and had also let him know that the party was all set and would be happening at Seb’s place, just so he knew ("I thought about taking it to a bar or something but you know how tricky that can get with press and fans and all that jazz"). He’d be arriving with booze and food at around six to help Sebastian set up.

Sebastian buzzes him up at exactly 6.04 pm and as soon as he opens his front door, he’s greeted by the one-man stand-up comedy show that is Anthony Mackie. He hugs Seb enthusiastically, throwing a few well-placed punches to his ribs while he’s at it.

“It’s been way too long, Chico”, Mackie beams at him when he pulls back, hands still on Seb’s shoulders.

“Anthony, we saw each other last month for lunch”, Sebastian snorts.

“Like I said, way too long. Now, help me get all this stuff up, will ya? I ain't a spring chicken like you no more."

While they’re dragging the crates of beer and boxes of snacks from Mackie’s car up to Sebastian’s floor – thank god for the elevator; Sebastian’s fit, but not _that_ fit – Mackie says, "Guests should be arriving from around 8pm, which is a white man's time to start a party if you ask me, but I'll let it go just this once since it’s your birthday."

Sebastian laughs again and he realizes with a pang how much he’s missed Mackie. "Speaking of guests", he interjects casually, "I invited Chris, too, just FYI."

"Man, I would've kicked your bony ass if you hadn't", Mackie says fervently. "And speaking of asses, have you two removed your heads from your backsides yet?"

 _If only you knew,_ Sebastian thinks, but instead he shrugs and says, "You know it's not that easy, Mackie."

"Come on man, I thought we talked about this! It's totally that easy!"

"It's not, it’s actually really difficult, okay?”, Seb pouts. “But we're at least friendly again, which is all I can ask for, really." He makes sure to pull his most despondent sad puppy face and Mackie seems to buy it, because Seb is an excellent acteur, thank you very much.

"Sea Bass", Mackie insists, "you could ask him for a whole lot more and he'd give it to in a heartbeat. Please trust me on this."

Sebastian is glowing on the inside, basking in the knowledge that what Mackie's saying is true. Aloud, he just sighs dramatically and says, "Yeah well, I don't know. We'll just have to see how it goes, I guess."

Mackie lets out a groan, but leaves it be for the time being. "Okay, well, I've invited most of your NYC pals, so between all of us we should be able to cheer you up a little."

Sebastian almost feels bad for misleading Mackie like this, but he knows the other man will take it in good humor when all is said and done.

"Oh, and Chris invited Scarlett, and he’s bringing his brother as well, I think," he says off-handedly.

Mackie pretends to grumble about that – "Who's organizing this party, huh? Is it Chris? I didn’t think so" – but Sebastian knows he's secretly pleased because he's still a little in awe of Scarlett, and he’s missed Chris too.

A few hours later, when all the drink and food has been prepared and Sebastian’s changed into a pair of dark skinny jeans with a nice belt, dress shoes and a black dress shirt of which he leaves the top three buttons undone to show off his tan (fuck his stylist, Sebastian _knows_ he looks great in all black), the first guests start to filter in. They’re mostly people Sebastian has known for years, people he’s worked with, friends, friends of friends who became his friends, and even a few old uni pals. Many of them he only sees once a year or so, and it’s great to see so many familiar faces and catch up.

He's pleasantly surprised when Don steps through the door as well. He didn’t think Mackie even knew Don, but apparently he’d really made an effort to reach everyone Seb would want to be there.

“Hey man!” he greets his PT. “Thanks for coming.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’m only here to make sure you get your ass back into that gym tomorrow. All that holiday munchin’ is starting to show, buddy”, Don says, while playfully patting Sebastian’s non-existent belly.

When Scarlett arrives, Seb envelops her in a big bear hug. Scarlett and he actually get along really well; she even went to the same gym for a while to train with Don, but somehow, they’ve never really met up one on one outside of work. It’s good to see her in such a relaxed setting.

“I gotta say”, she drawls in her low, husky voice, “I was kinda surprised when Chris called me earlier.” She cocks her head. “And maybe a little offended that I wasn’t invited in the first place? You’re lucky I was free tonight, stud.”

“I sure am”, Sebastian concedes with a grin. “It’s good to see you, Scarlett, you look amazing, as always.”

She gives him a sly smile. “You charmer, you.”

“Hey, and thanks for letting me stay in your cabin for a while. That was really generous of you.”

Scarlett waves a hand. “Oh, don’t mention it. I’m glad you took some time off to relax and hang out with Chris. I just wish – “ She breaks off, looking uncharacteristically hesitant for a second.

“You wish?”, Sebastian asks, though he has a pretty good idea what she’s getting at.

She huffs. “Never mind.”

At that moment, Sebastian hears a familiar booming laugh coming from the direction of the hallway. His heart skips a beat and he immediately looks up, practically buzzing in anticipation. He’s embarrassingly excited to see Chris again, even though he just saw him not a few hours ago.

“Excuse me one second”, he says to Scarlett, holding up a finger and throwing her a quick smile. She just arches a perfectly manicured eyebrow and smirks at him.

As soon as Chris steps into the room, it takes all of Sebastian’s self-control not to just throw himself into his boyfriend’s strong, muscular arms like some goddamn damsel in distress.

 _Well, this is just uncalled for_ , Sebastian thinks wryly, as he takes in Chris's appearance. He looks good. _So_ good. He’s is wearing dark wash jeans with scuffed, brown boots, and a dark blue t-shirt with sleeves that only come to halfway down his tanned shoulders, displaying his tattoo to its full advantage. His hair is messy and he’s trimmed his beard, and he basically looks like a hot-ass truck stop mechanic. When Chris spots him, they both stop in their tracks and stare at each other with wide eyes for a few moments. Chris’s eyes roam hungrily up and down Sebastian’s body, clearly liking what he's seeing, until he’s jostled by his brother who’s trying to get past him.

“I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?”, Scott asks innocently, a wicked gleam in his eyes while he drags in Tom behind him.

Chris draws in a quick breath through his nose. “Nope, you’re good”, he says casually, and Sebastian has to commend him on his acting skills. Chris turns back to Seb then and gives him a beaming smile.

“Hey Seb, long time no see”, he jokes, before stepping in and giving him a quick hug. “This had better be good”, he adds in a low murmur, so only Sebastian can hear him.

Seb throws him a surreptitious wink before loudly saying, “Help yourself to beers from the fridge, boys. Come and find me if you need anything. Anything at all.” He holds Chris’s eye, bites his lip and turns around, hands in his pockets.

God, this is _way_ harder than he’d anticipated. 

The evening passes in a blur. They don’t even have to try to act like they’re yearning for each other – it comes naturally, maybe because they’ve done it for so long, or maybe because they are actually, physically aching to be as close to each other as possible. Instead, they spend a lot of time shooting each other longing glances from opposite sides of the room, forgetting to answer questions they’re being asked 'cause they’re too busy covertly ogling each other. The times that they do spend closer together, when they’re chatting to the same people or when Sebastian hands Chris a new beer, they exchange little, lingering touches that are not quite enough to give the game away, but enough to leave them both craving more.

The one thing that keeps Sebastian going is the knowledge that they’re just biding their time until the moment is right for their big reveal. He doesn’t know when that’s going to be yet, but he knows it’ll happen at some point. There's no doubt in his mind that Mackie and Scarlett have talked about him and Chris before tonight, and he knows they would never pass up an opportunity like this. His suspicions are confirmed when, after an hour or two, he sees them disappearing into the kitchen together. They’re clearly trying to be stealthy about it, but are thwarted by the many beers and Singapore slings they’ve already consumed between them.

 _Here we go_ , Sebastian thinks.

\---

Sebastian is in the middle of trying to come up with an intelligent response to one of his friends’ rants about the state of current left-wing politics (it doesn’t help that he’s simultaneously watching Chris, who appears to be fending off the attentions of a girl whom Seb had met on the set of Gossip Girl) when Mackie’s excited voice suddenly cuts through the din of the music and conversation.

“Alright everybody, time to shake it up a little!”, he bellows, wringing his hands. “Who’s up for some fun?”

“What kind of fun?”, somebody calls out, a little warily. Sebastian can’t blame them.

“How about a little game of Never Have I Ever?”, Mackie asks jovially. There’s loud groaning from various corners, which doesn't seem to faze him in the slightest.

He gives an exaggerated shrug. “Go big or go home people.”

It takes some doing, but in the end they get everyone to huddle together on or around the couches by the coffee table.

“I’ll start”, Scarlett concedes magnanimously. She clears her throat. “Never Have I Ever… been arrested for public indecency.”

A few of the guys, including Chris, have to drink at that one, and the next few rounds get progressively wilder, rising alcohol levels contributing to an increasingly rowdy atmosphere.

Before he knows it, it’s Mackie’s turn.

“Alright people, settle down. It’s my turn!”, he crows, spreading his arms wide, commanding the attention.

When the room is quiet enough to his taste, he slowly looks around the group for emphasis, until his eyes land on Sebastian.

“Never Have I Ever… been in love with a man”, he declares, looking smug as can be.

Unsurprisingly, most of the girls (except for Joanna, who’s had the same girlfriend for the past 12 years) take a drink, and so do Scott, Tom, Jeri and Paul.

Sebastian shoots Chris a quick glance and finds him looking back at him with a small smile, jaw set determinedly. 

 _Do it_.

Slowly but deliberately, Sebastian raises his glass and takes a drink.

“Good boy”, says Mackie, sounding almost proud. There are a few gasps and giggles around the group at his revelation, but Sebastian keeps his head down. He’ll deal with that later.

Scarlett clears her throat pointedly. “Anyone else?”, she asks, not even trying to be subtle about the fact that she’s looking only at Chris.

Meeting her eyes defiantly, Chris also lifts his glass to his mouth and takes a sip.

More gasping and giggling ensues.

“Oooooohhh”, Mackie coos, sounding far too gleeful. “Would you look at that?”

“My turn”, Sebastian cuts in then. He takes a deep, steadying breath, looking down at the glass in his hands. _Now or never_.

“Never Have I Ever… kissed the guy I’m madly in love with in front of all my friends.”

As soon as the words have passed his lips, he lifts his head, his eyes finding Chris’s across the room. An unspoken agreement passes between them, and the next moment, they both slowly bring their glasses to their lips, draining them dry. Sebastian lets his glass fall from his hand, dropping it on the carpet with a muffled thud, and in the same movement he stands up from the couch. He sees Chris do the same.

In two quick strides Sebastian crosses the space separating them, which requires him to step onto the coffee table and off again on the other side, and before anyone can so much as ask him what the hell he thinks he’s doing, he's grabbed the front of Chris’s shirt and dragged him into a red hot, spine-tingling scorcher of a kiss.

Immediately, the room erupts in chaos. People are talking over each other, giggling, whooping, but none of it really registers with Sebastian, whose sole focus in that moment is Chris.

Chris’s warm, soft mouth under his, Chris’s taste, his galloping heartbeat that Sebastian can feel under his fingers where he’s gripping his shirt. Somehow, the kiss grows even more heated, and within no time at all they’re full-on making out. Sebastian digs his fingers into Chris’s stupid, tiny waist, leaning into him heavily, and Chris brings one hand up to the side of Sebastian’s face while the other one slides down to his ass.

“Oh my  _god_ , you’ve  _totally_  done this before, you lying motherfucker!”, Mackie shouts suddenly, jumping up and down and pointing an accusing finger at Sebastian while spluttering profanities.

Seb finally manages to break away from Chris’s mouth then, pressing a few soft, lingering kisses to his lips while he wishes he could just kick everybody out already.

Later. Later they’ll have all the time in the world.

Reluctantly, he turns around in Chris’s arms, feeling him press closely against his back and hook his chin over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Mackie”, Sebastian grins, leaning back into Chris’s embrace. “If I’d have known you were gonna have a stroke…”

Mackie looks outraged. “You know what? No. Whatever. I’m not gonna throw a fit over this. I’m gonna take the higher ground and be happy for you dudes”, he declares haughtily, a smile already breaking through on his face.

“Scarlett?” Chris asks suddenly from behind him, addressing the blonde, who’s still sitting on the couch, looking a little dazed. “Are you okay?”

“Am I okay?” she repeats, blinking owlishly and shaking her head slowly from side to side. “I mean, sure. That was probably the hottest goddamn thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life, but yeah, I’m okay.”

“A- _men,_ ” says Tom.

“Hey!” says Scott.

Chris, who’s usually pretty unflappable, has gone bright red and is trying to hide his face in Sebastian’s neck while Seb lifts one of Chris’s hands to his lips to kiss it gently.

“Goddammit, that’s freakin’ adorable”, Don sighs. “I wish I’d have filmed all this for Mel, she’s gonna have a fit when I tell her what she’s missed.”

“Don’t worry, Don, tell her we’ll come and visit sometime”, Seb winks.

“So you’re a thing now?”, Mackie asks. “An actual thing?”

Seb gives Chris a questioning look, as if to ask, ‘do you wanna do the honors or shall I?’

Chris heaves a sigh and hangs his head in defeat. “Fine, fine. What do y’all wanna know?”, he asks, mock-grumpily.

“Well what  _I_  wanna know”, says Mackie, unsurprisingly the first to speak up, “is when the fuck you two got your shit together, because I’m pretty sure that when Seb called me on Thursday and was going on and on about how, like, _Chris is so cuuuute, Chris is so haaawwt, Chris is amaaaazing"_  - he puts on a squeaky voice for this part, of course – “neither of you had figured out yet that you were crazy about each other, am I right?”

“First of all, I do not sound like that”, Sebastian says indignantly, throwing Mackie a dirty look. “Second of all, no. You’re right. It actually only happened on Saturday evening”, he admits.

“And then again on Sunday morning”, Chris chimes in with a lewd grin.

Sebastian snorts, Mackie and Scott groan, and Scarlett’s eyes go glassy again.

“But wait,” one of the other guys asks then, “so you’re like, suddenly gay?”

“Bi, actually”, Sebastian replies calmly. “Both of us.”

“I don’t know though”, Chris shrugs. “I’d rather not stick a label on it. Sebastian’s actually the only guy I’ve ever had feelings for, although I  _have_  been in love with him for the past eight years, so I suppose that is pretty gay.” 

“Oh my god, Chris”, Scarlett breathes. “So I was right? You’ve been feeling this way for _that_ long?”

Chris gives her a lopsided smile. “Yeah. Fell in love with him the first time I met him”, he admits, giving Sebastian a dopey look and prompting a chorus of ‘aaaww’s from their little audience. “Prettiest guy I’d ever seen.”

Even though he’s heard this before, Sebastian can’t help but blush again. “Yeah yeah”, he grumbles, “They don’t wanna hear about any of that.”

“The  _fuck_ we don’t”, somebody cries. “But why’d you never tell him, Chris?”

“’Cause I thought he was straight. And he thought I was too. That’s what heteronormativity does for you, boys and girls.” He’s joking, but on some level it’s true, of course.

“But how come you never noticed? How you felt about each other, I mean?”, Don asks, apparently still a little puzzled. “Even I suspected something, at least on Seb’s side.”

“Well, that would be because these dudes are the most oblivious fuckers in the universe”, Mackie answers for them. “The rest of us knew before they did, didn’t we, Scarlett?”

But Scarlett isn’t listening anymore.

“Wait,” she says suddenly. “Back up the truck. Did you guys have sex… in _my bed_?” She sounds a little faint.

Chris snaps his fingers and points at her. “Oh yeah, Scar, I’ve been meaning to ask. What’s with the lube?”

“Holy mother of god”, Mackie groans. “I did not sign up for this shit.”

“You kinda did, buddy”, Sebastian smirks. “You were the one who wanted to play this game.”

Mackie looks horrified when he realizes that that is, in fact, true.

“And you’re ready to go public with this?”, Scott asks then, watching them curiously.

Sebastian and Chris briefly look at each other, then nod.

“Yeah”, Chris confirms out loud. “Although we’d like to ask everyone to keep this under wraps for a little while, if you don’t mind. We’ll see to it that we do a public announcement ASAP, but we’d like some time to adjust and talk to our families first, you know?”

“Okay, then," Scott says. "If I may make a suggestion, how do you feel about doing a coming out interview with Chelsea Handler? She did call this ages ago, after all”, he adds with a grin.

Chris huffs, turning his face into Sebastian’s shoulder again. “God, that was such a difficult interview."

“Was it because she said I should go down on you, baby? Would you have liked that?”, Sebastian asks lowly, but probably still loud enough to be overheard by the people standing closest to them.

“Right people, I think this party is over”, Scarlett announces loudly, clapping her hands.

A little guiltily, Seb and Chris break away from each other again.

“Sorry, guys”, Sebastian says, addressing the room. “I really enjoyed seeing you all, even though I was a little preoccupied. Thank you so much for coming out tonight and celebrating with us.”

“I think you’ll find it was you who came out tonight”, Don jokes, cracking up. He actually slaps his massive thigh.

Sebastian rolls his eyes fondly at his PT. “Get out.”

When everyone except for Scott, Tom, Don, Mackie and Scarlett has left, Chris breathes a sigh of relief.

“You okay, honey?”, Sebastian asks him.

Chris gives him a soft smile. “I am now. Just a little overwhelmed I guess.” He steps closer and wraps his arms around Seb’s middle, leaning on him heavily. Sebastian threads one hand in Chris’s hair and rubs the other in soothing circles over his back, just holding him for a minute.

“I really am glad you guys worked it out”, Mackie says suddenly. “About fucking time, but I’m happy for you.”

Scott snorts. “Tell me about it, I was about to just knock their heads together.”

“Yeah, yeah”, Chris chuckles, “I know we were a little slow on the uptake, but we got there in the end didn’t we?”

“That’s right, baby, you tell ‘em”, Sebastian says proudly. “Now if you’ll excuse us, Chris and I have some urgent business to attend to.”

“I bet you do”, Don smirks, but steps forward to pull Sebastian into a hug nonetheless. “Congratulations, Seb. You’re gonna be happy together, I know it.”

Sebastian’s heart swells. He doesn’t know how he got so lucky with these amazing friends. “Thanks, man. That means a lot.”

They hug everyone goodbye, promising to keep them up to date, but when Sebastian is about to push the door closed, Scarlett stops him. He lifts a questioning eyebrow at her.

“Are you sure I can’t stay a little longer?”, she asks pleadingly, her eyes big and round. “I’ll just go sit really quietly in the corner, I promise. You won’t even know I’m here.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Bye, Scarlett”, he says, giving her a gentle push and finally closing the door on their guests.

He turns around and startles as Chris immediately pushes him back against the door, grabbing his wrists and pinning them above his head. He hungrily attacks his mouth, and Sebastian moans, surrendering to Chris immediately and already more than ready to let himself be ravaged.

“Thought they’d never leave”, Chris rumbles into the sensitive skin of his throat. “There are so many things I want to do to you.”

“You can do anything you want to me”, Sebastian whispers hotly against the shell of Chris’s ear. “Anything at all.”

Taking that as his cue to take things to the next level, Chris grabs the backs of Seb’s thighs and lifts him up while his back is still pressed against the door. Sebastian lets out a squeak, but immediately wraps his long legs around Chris’s slim waist to steady himself. Chris rocks his hips up into him and growls at the friction, his fingers digging into the muscles of his thighs.

“Hold on tight”, Chris warns, and then proceeds to lift him into the air and walk them towards the desk by the window. Sebastian is clinging on to him like a monkey, but Chris seems to have no trouble holding him up. _That’s fucking hot_ , he thinks giddily. Chris sets him down gently on the edge of the sturdy oak desk, coming to stand between his spread legs, and takes Seb’s head in his hands again to kiss him soundly.

“In that case”, Chris says, in between licking into Sebastian’s mouth with his talented tongue, “I am going to fuck your brains out on this desk.”

Sebastian’s head falls back involuntarily with a moan, and Chris attacks his exposed throat, sucking a hickey into the side of his neck that has Sebastian squirming from the heady combination of pain and pleasure.

“Get on with it then”, he pants bossily, making Chris pull back immediately.

“Nuh uh”, he says, shaking his head slowly. “This time _I’m_ gonna set the pace.” His mouth is only half an inch from Sebastian’s as he drawls, “and you’re gonna wait patiently, and let me do whatever the fuck I want with you. Aren’t you, baby?”

“Oh my god”, Sebastian chokes out, breath catching in his throat and feeling hot all over at Chris’s sudden display of dominance. “Are you gonna give me what I deserve, Chris?”, he asks huskily, sliding his hands down Chris’s back to cup his ass and give it a firm squeeze.

“I’m going to give you what you _need_ , baby”, Chris rumbles, his voice rich like dark chocolate.

“ _Yes_ ”, Seb hisses, arching his back and pushing his body closer to Chris. “Give it to me.”

Chris stills again, face in the crook of Seb’s neck. “Give it to me what?”, he asks sternly.

Sebastian doesn’t even hesitate. “ _Please,_ ” he begs.

“Hmmm”, Chris hums approvingly, “Good boy.”

Sebastian feels a flash of heat at the praise and he preens shamelessly. “I’m gonna be good for you, Chris”, he promises sweetly, throwing his arms around his neck.

“I know you will, baby”, Chris says. “And you’re going start by staying here and waiting patiently until I come back.”

Sebastian blinks and actually pouts. That wasn’t what he had in mind at all.

“Where are you going?”, he asks petulantly, but Chris just throws him a look that says ‘I thought you were going to be good?’ as he turns on his heel and walks towards the hallway where he dumped his stuff earlier. Seb breathes a sigh of relief. At least he’s not going far.

He’s is back within a minute, with an unfamiliar bottle of lube and a condom, which he must have brought himself. Somehow that piece of information is strangely endearing.

“Get up”, Chris orders calmly.

Sebastian jumps down from the desk and waits for Chris to tell him what to do next.

“Now take your clothes off – slowly.”

Sebastian obeys and unbuttons his dress shirt, letting it hang open while he starts unbuckling his belt. Chris is staring at him with a single-minded focus, eagerly taking in the bare skin that’s appearing as a result of his little striptease. When Seb goes to bend down to untie his shoelaces, Chris stops him.

“Wait.”

Sebastian looks up at him expectantly, eyes skimming over the very visible bulge in Chris’s jeans before he straightens up again. Chris steps closer and suddenly drops down to the floor, deftly untying Sebastian’s laces and helping him take off his shoes. Without warning, he then grabs Seb’s ass with both hands and pushes his face into his still jean-clad groin, nuzzling his growing erection and inhaling deeply.

“ _Fuck_ , Chris”, Sebastian moans, throwing his head back and putting his hands in Chris’s hair. Chris looks up at him, hooks his fingers into the loops of Seb’s jeans, and pulls them down in one fell swoop. He groans darkly when he sees that Seb isn’t wearing underwear.

“Goddammit, Sebastian”, he mutters as he bites the inside of his thigh, making Seb cry out, his whole body tingling.

Chris stands up again, giving Sebastian time to quickly kick off his jeans and discard his shirt, until he’s standing naked before Chris, who is still fully dressed and is making no attempt to remove any of his clothing. For some reason, this arouses Sebastian even further, and it looks like Chris is aware of that. Apparently Chris knows him better than he knows himself.

“Turn around”, Chris tells him curtly.

Sebastian’s heart is beating quicker by the minute, but he does as he’s told and awaits further instructions.

“Now bend over the desk.”

He feels kind of vulnerable, with his bare ass exposed like this and not knowing what will happen next, yet also strangely safe. After all, he’s in the hands of the man he loves and he knows that Chris will be minding his reactions closely. He’s sure that, if he were even to show the slightest hint of genuine discomfort, Chris would stop immediately. And vice versa.

Sebastian has always been interested in sexual power plays, but rarely felt comfortable enough with a partner to be able to try the more unusual things his mind came up with. But now, he can see endless possibilities in their shared future. There are so many things he wants to try with Chris, and he’d never thought Chris would be game to try them with him, but here they are. He must’ve picked up on something in Sebastian’s behavior that alerted him to it, or else he’d just been extremely keen to try it for himself. Whatever it is, Sebastian is not complaining.

Chris drapes himself over Sebastian’s bare back, his clothes chafing lightly over his skin, making him hiss at the friction. Chris bites his neck again, then soothes the mark with his tongue, all the while running his calloused hands over Sebastian’s sides and thighs. Seb’s face is pressed into the desk, eyes closed, and he moans softly at the feeling of just being possessed like this.

“ _Mine,_ ” Chris growls into the skin of his shoulder, before he sucks another hickey there.

Sebastian shivers. “Yes. Yours.”

Suddenly, Chris stands up, and Sebastian whines at the unexpected coldness at his back. He hears Chris take a step back.

“Spread yourself open for me, baby”, Chris says lowly.

_Well, fuck._

Groaning, Sebastian lets his head thud against the desk once. He runs his hands from his hips down to his ass and grabs hold of his cheeks, slowly pulling them apart, exposing himself.

Chris makes an appreciative noise, but doesn’t touch him. “Oh, baby”, he murmurs. “Look at you.”

After a few seconds, Sebastian can feel Chris’s breath on his hands and the skin of his ass, but still Chris doesn't touch him. He’s just looking, taking his time, inspecting Sebastian up close and personal.

“Such a pretty little asshole”, Chris whispers softly. “It’s so _tiny_. I’m not sure it’ll be able to take what I’ve got in store for you.”

He stands up straight again, grabs one of Sebastian’s hands and brings it to his crotch. He intertwines their fingers and uses them to squeeze his huge, hard cock through the denim of his jeans. Sebastian whimpers helplessly. He knows he’s taken him before, but right now, it seems next to impossible.

“You feel that, baby?”, Chris says quietly. “Can you feel how hard I am for you?”

Sebastian just moans in response.

“You still want me to give it to you?”, Chris asks, but they both know it’s a rhetorical question.

“Yes, give it to me, _please_ ”, Sebastian pleads anyway.

Chris lets go of Seb’s hand and gives his ass a quick squeeze. “Well, you asked for it”.

Suddenly, he drops down to his knees, spreads Seb open again and buries his face between his cheeks with a drawn out, throaty moan. Before Seb can do so much as scream, Chris starts licking and sucking at his hole, the vibrations from the sounds he’s making sending thrills all the way through his body. There’s nothing subtle about it - Sebastian is making high, keening noises, reveling in the contrast between Chris’s soft, wet tongue circling and dipping in and out of the tight muscle, and the dry, rough scrape of his beard over the tender skin. He eagerly pushes his ass back against Chris’s face, trying to fuck himself on his tongue and loudly begging him not to stop.

Chris does break away after a while, though, to thickly say, “Fuck, you taste so good, Seb. I could eat you out all day. One day, I will.”

Sebastian is panting, already a wreck, his mind bombarding him with images of Chris’s face buried between his legs for hours and hours.

“Get up”, Chris commands suddenly. It takes Sebastian a few seconds to wrap his head around the order, so Chris gives him a quick slap on the ass to spur him on. Seb scrambles up then, turning around, but his legs feel shaky and he ends up sinking down to the floor instead.

“That works, too”, Chris says, petting Seb’s hair. “You want a taste of me, too, baby?”, he asks then, cocking his head as he’s looking down at him.

Sebastian doesn’t quite trust his voice, so he nods and whines. Yes, he would very much like a taste of Chris.

Chris makes an approving noise, then brings his hands to his zipper and slowly starts pulling it down. He eases his jeans and his briefs down just far enough to allow him to comfortably pull out his gorgeous, flushed cock, right in front of Sebastian's face, who is watching it intently while he licks his lips.

“Would you like some of this, Seb?”, Chris asks. “Give it a try?”

Sebastian moans and nods, letting his head drop forward against Chris’s thigh with closed eyes. Chris gently pushes him back up again, and tilts Seb’s face towards him with a hand around his chin.

“Open up, baby.”

Sebastian's heart speeds up and he immediately lets his mouth fall open.

“Stick out your tongue a little.”

He obeys. Chris rests the tip of his dick on Seb’s tongue, lightly pressing down but not moving forward. He can already taste the peculiar, salty-bitter flavor of precome and desperately wants to have more of it. But he’s a good boy and he’ll wait until Chris says he can.

Echoing Seb’s thoughts, Chris praises him. “Such a good boy. You’re so good for me, sweetheart.”

Seb whimpers again.

“Look at me”, Chris says suddenly, the authority in his voice sending shivers down Sebastian’s spine. He blinks his eyes open and looks up at Chris, instantly dizzy from the stormy look that he's directing at him. Chris’s eyes are dark, pupils blown wide, but there’s still something soft and warm shining through as well. _Love_ , Sebastian realizes, feeling awed and humbled, even though Chris has told him so many time by this point, both in words and actions.

Chris still has a hand on Sebastian’s chin, and as he's looking intently into his eyes, he slowly, ever so slowly, begins to slide the length of his cock into Seb's open, waiting mouth. He keeps going until the head bumps against the back of his throat, and Sebastian is weirdly proud of the fact that he doesn’t gag, just keeps breathing through his nose, waiting for permission. He doesn’t have to wait long, thank god.

“Close your mouth”, Chris orders, his voice hoarser than it’s sounded up until this point. Sebastian closes his lips around Chris’s cock, not quite to the root because it’s too big for that, but still a good way up the shaft. Chris then slowly starts pulling back, groaning at the feeling of Seb’s hot mouth dragging around his cock. He stops when all that’s left between Sebastian’s lips is the tip, and Seb can’t help but press a quick, wet kiss to it. Chris shivers.

“I’m going to fuck your face now, baby boy”, he growls thickly. “And you’re going to let me, aren't you?”

Sebastian mewls softly, and immediately Chris starts pushing back in, as deep as it'll go. Sebastian is dying to suck him off properly, but he knows that right now, Chris just wants him to sit there and look pretty while he fucks his mouth. And he does. His thrusts get quicker soon, still somewhat shallow so as not to choke Sebastian, but not exactly gentle either. His hips snap forward faster and he moves his hand from Sebastian’s chin to the side of his face to feel the outline of his own cock as it bumps against the inside of Seb’s cheek.

Chris is breathing hard now, moaning out loud – or maybe that’s Sebastian himself, he honestly doesn’t know anymore, and his jaw is starting to ache, his throat raw, but still he doesn’t want Chris to stop.

Chris suddenly stills his movements when he’s most of the way in, gets a good grip on his hair and starts pulling Sebastian's head back, making his mouth slide off his cock before Chris pushes him back down and Seb just… he can’t. He just can’t with this. He feels so blissed-out already that his cock is steadily leaking precome, and he moans deep in his throat as he lets Chris use him for his own, personal pleasure.

Chris must get too close, though, because after a minute he gasps and pulls out, dropping down to the floor in front of Sebastian. He’s making soothing noises as he pets Seb’s face, stroking his hair back and murmuring, “So good, so good for me, baby, you have no idea how pretty you looked just now, letting me fuck your pretty face. You’re the best baby in the world, Seb, such a good boy.” And Sebastian purrs under the attention, the caresses, soaking it up. Chris kisses him then, slowly, lavishly, as if to lick his own taste out of Seb’s mouth.

Suddenly, Sebastian is pulled up off the floor and manhandled back over the desk. He goes willingly, happy to submit to anything Chris has in store for him and spreading his legs to give him better access.

After a minute or so, he can feel a slick finger press against his hole and he pushes back against it, eager to feel any part of Chris inside him again. Chris doesn’t tease this time, just pushes his finger in without hesitation, sliding it in and out of his slick, eager hole. He circles it around slowly, giving him time to adapt to the intrusion, and before long he adds a second and then a third finger. Sebastian hisses and can’t help but clench around the fingers inside of him, but as soon as Chris finds his prostate, his breath catches and he starts pushing his hips back to get _more_.

“Please, Chris, please”, he begs shamelessly. “Fuck me, _please_ , I need you in me, now.” He hardly recognizes his own voice by this point, can’t recall ever having begged like this before in his life.

“Shhh”, Chris soothes, the gentleness in his voice in stark contrast with the way he’s pumping his fingers in and out of Sebastian’s ass. “I need to make sure you’re ready, Seb.”

“I’m ready, goddammit”, Sebastian whines impatiently. “Get your dick in my ass right _now_.”

In what Seb’s muddled brain initially thinks must be punishment, Chris removes his fingers, and for a few seconds, the only sounds in the room are Sebastian’s strained breathing and a soft rustling sound. And then, to his infinite relief, Seb finally feels the blunt tip of Chris’s cock press against his woefully empty, fluttering hole.

Sebastian expects Chris to continue teasing him and wait until he’s begging for it again, but to his surprise and delight, Chris immediately presses forward, unceremoniously shoving his cock into Sebastian’s body in one, long slide.

“Oh my fucking…!”, Sebastian shouts, eyes flying open. “Chris, fuck!”

“Oh, oh – baby…”, Chris moans, a little wildly, settling himself over Seb’s back. “You want it so bad, don’t you?”, he pants in his ear.

“Yes, yes, I want your cock, Chris, I need it”, Sebastian pleads, pushing himself back onto Chris's dick. “Fuck me hard, _please_ , I wanna feel you – wanna feel you for _days_.”

Chris doesn’t need to be told twice. He grabs hold of Sebastian’s hips, fingers pressing down hard enough to bruise, before sliding out most of the way and then slamming back in again. Sebastian shouts and he doesn’t stop shouting as Chris starts to fuck him mercilessly, ramming his cock in as deep as it’ll go, grunting on every thrust. Sebastian loses time for a little, unable to think or feel anything beyond Chris filling him up so good, over and over again, and it’s everything he’s ever wanted and more.

Sebastian is completely disoriented when, suddenly, Chris slows down again and then pulls out of him entirely.

“No, _no_ , please Chris, please, I’ll do anything, _please_ don’t stop”, he sobs, feeling unreasonably deserted and empty.

“It’s okay, baby”, Chris shushes, soothingly stroking his hands down Sebastian's thighs and ass. “You’ll get it back, I swear. I just want you to show me how much you want it.”

“How?”, Sebastian asks brokenly, biting down on his lip hard to stop the tears from spilling.

“I’m gonna give you just the tip, okay? And I want you to pull me back in. Can you do that for me, baby? Hmm?”

“Yes, yes”, Seb breathes. He’ll agree to anything at this point.

Chris guides his cock to Sebastian’s hole again, then pushes forward just enough to bury the tip inside. Immediately, he pulls out again, then repeats the motion. Just the tip, in and out, enough to drive Sebastian out of his mind. He craves the feeling of being filled up so much that the next time Chris dips in, he clenches down hard around him and pushes back, feeling Chris’s length fill him up again slowly.

Chris groans loudly. “That’s it, baby. God, you take my cock so good… your hot fucking hole is just pulling me in _– Jesus, you have_ _no idea how hot that is_.” He hisses out the last bit through clenched teeth.

Then, without warning, he suddenly pulls back and slams forward again, plunging back in, immediately resuming his relentless pace and hitting Sebastian’s prostate on every stroke like some goddamn genius sex god.

“Oh – my – god – Chris – yes – _fuck me_!”, Sebastian cries out, tears now leaking freely from the corners of his eyes, his hands gripping he side of the desk that Chris is fucking him over so hard that his knuckles turn white. Chris doesn’t relent and moreover brings a hand to Sebastian’s cock to stroke him in time with his thrusts. Seb can feel his orgasm building instantly, and he starts shouting Chris’s name in earnest.

“That’s right, baby”, Chris growls in his ear, “scream my name. Let everybody know that you’re _mine_.”

Three, four, five more thrusts and Sebastian is coming, screaming until his voice breaks, his walls clenching down hard and making Chris stutter above him, jerking violently as climaxes, too, groaning into the side of Sebastian’s neck.

For a while, neither of them moves, apart from the heaving of their chests. Sebastian feels like his body is made of jell-o and he’s damned grateful for the desk below him that’s sturdy enough to support both their weights. After a minute or two, Chris stirs and carefully slides out of him. Sebastian’s too wiped out to even wince.

Chris wraps his arms around him then and gently pulls him to the floor, draping Seb’s limbs over himself and pulling a fleece blanket that he must have grabbed earlier over them both. He starts running gentle hands over Sebastian’s body under the blanket, rubbing in soothing circles and softly massaging his shoulder blades, his arms, his thighs.

When he feels satisfied that Sebastian’s okay, he tilts his head up so that he can look at him, and gently wipes away the tears in the corners of his eyes, pressing a kiss to each of his eyelids.

“You, Sebastian Stan, are the best thing that’s ever happened to me”, Chris says solemnly, adoringly, his eyes shining with unbridled love.

Sebastian lets the warm feeling caused by those words wash through his pleasantly exhausted body, feeling it heal all of those old hurts that he’s carried with him for so long, and trusting, for the first time in his life, that everything really will be okay. They’ll have each other, after all.

“I love you, too, Chris Evans”, he murmurs contentedly, resting his cheek on Chris’s broad chest. He lets himself drift off to sleep, safe in the knowledge that if he wakes up with a crick in his neck again from sleeping on the floor, Chris will be there to make it better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s it! For now... lots of new fics in the works. Come and say hi on [Tumblr](https://musette22.tumblr.com/)


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